Is it normal?? - arghhhhhh

[Flower1000]

My daughter was 3 in January and has always been a very 'busy' little girl. She has to be always doing something and will not sit still and won't play quietly on her own.

Recently she's taken to whining and whinging all the time, and she's so independant she wants to do EVERYTHING, from making her own breakfast to getting in the bath etc, but it's all the whining that's really getting me down. All I hear these days is 'I'll do it' said in a whining voice, 'I'll get breakfast, I want to dress myself' and it's driving me crackers, plus she won't let my DH do anything, it's all 'I want Mummy to do it'. I know she's pushing boundries but everything is taking 10 times longer than it should and i'm honestly shattered..

Should i insist on her sitting at the table whilst I get her breakfast, am I giving into her too much because I'm letting her help when she whines?

If you let her help when she whines, then she's learning that whining gets her what she wants. With my little lot, I would tell them that I can't hear whining, only hear when they're speaking properly. It's fine to let her help, but she has to speak properly. All normal behaviour.

Oh, and 3 year olds have 666 tattoed on their heads if you look closely under her hair.

Yours

The Visitor who is glad that she'll never have a 3 year old again.

Thank you :)

I was under the mis-conception that after 2 they got better.. I think they just get better at annoying you :D bless..

no idea if normal, but very similar to ds1. I say "I can't understand that voice, talk properly please". hasn't stopped him yet. getting out the house though takes forever, if it's not him whining, it's dp nagging. he wants to do everything himself but can't do it without getting distracted by 200 things along the way. arghhhhhh indeed!

wish I could be as smug as TheVisitor, but I have two 5mo waiting to follow in every one of ds1's footsteps [scared]

Mama, I've got 12 year old triplets and an 18 year old lad. I've earned my smugness.

you certainly have! and in a few years or so I hope to be able to enjoy a little smugness of my own

(if I survive)

I remember when mine was two, thinking that when he hit three there'd be some miraculous change ... the terrible twos would be over and everything would be easy. Boy, was I disappointed!

What I've found (after studying child development to get a handle on what strategies really work!) is that the main problem with difficult behaviour is that it creates a feedback loop between parent and child ... child wants to do something -parent asserts authority - child challenges authority and so on ...

If you want to change the behaviour I'd advise following the advice of not listening when she whines, but asking her if she wants to help after she's done whatever it is you want her to do. That way she starts learning that she can have some autonomy, but it's on your terms and she can't control you by putting on the pressure.

Good luck, I hope you manage to find a healthy balance soon :)

I have exactly the same.
I mimicked him with the whiney voice, and said I didn't want to hear that voice, he wouldn't get anything he was asking for and now he changes it. Quite funny to hear.
Now we have a bit of a laugh about it, when I say no whingeing, he mimics himself and says I was whingeing mummy

She must be getting something out of the whining. You need to make sure she doesn't, then she will stop. Eventually. Most wearing, though.