ds hitting and throwing toys at pre school

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My DS is 4yr 3mo and is due to start primary in August. Over the last few weeks I have been asked to speak with the teacher 4 times because of ds hitting, (x2), pushing,(x1), other dc, and todays joy, throwing a toy that hit a girl in the face. Is this another horrible brain sucking phase? Please tell me ds is not a sociopath!! (sp) Every time I speak with the teacher I wonder if ds is acting oddly compared to other kids and is becoming a violent thug OR is she is making a huge issue of a "phase". Ds has had his fair share of other kids hitting/biting and pushing him. Today someone threw an egg cup at his head Some days he doesn't want to go to school because he says some kids take his toys, tell him they don't like him etc....is he acting out because of this or are they acting that way because he is doing it to them ... or are they all irritating pre schoolers who just do nippy stuff to each other.

There are so many possible reasons behind his behaviour including Me & dh being less available since Oct due to renovating two houses, working extra hours and me having surgery. Things have settled back to normal over the last few weeks and I am hoping we can get back to our previous routines.

DD (2yr 2mo) has hit the wonderful age of hitting throwing and tantrums ... which we are working through... and ds is copying her "baby" behaviour wanting carried, coddled, saying no to everything, hitting in frustration etc.

DS has a star chart for jobs .. nothing big... washing, dressing and brushing teeth, tidying toys etc which he likes. After the first time he hit someone I told him if he did it again he would go to his room after school, which I did. i feeel that is punishing him twice as he was put in time out at school so don't know if that is right or wrong. I started a new school rules sticker book to encourage positive behaviour rather than double punishment. He gets to pick a sticker from the ben10 set he wanted and puts it in his book when he follows the school rules.

Today I intended taking dc to the park after school but after the incident at school I told him we weren't going today but he could go tomorrow if he did well at school.

My head is mince ... as you can read...am I being Ott or not hard enough. I want him to know that I will back the teachers when he misbehaves at school but I also don't want to be overly harsh.

This sounds very strange to me. My dd (almost 4) is in an preschool with 3&4 year olds plus a reception class. There was one girl who had problems with biting, hitting etc. back in September (a reception age child). The school really dealt with it and she no longer does (regularly). Otherwise I have seen little. I am more concerned that your son is 'often hit' and is now hitting himself. If he feels his 'toys are always being taken' are the staff ensuring fairness for all and teaching how to play together and share properly? What I am trying to say is that managed right (e.g. with the right teachers/ta etc.) they should learn the social skills to play alongside each other. Some children naturally find this simple, others struggle and can do so for a while but from your post I don't feel the children are necessarily getting that support from the children.

Example, children are all playing outside on climbing thing, they start roaring very loudly, one child (the one that used to bite) didn't like it and started covering her ears. She then retalliated by calling names and being mean. How I dealt with it: took her away, explained to her that this was not the right behaviour and got her to apologise. Then we went on to discuss how to deal with a noisy situation in future (move away from said noise). It might not sink in next time, or the time after, but with consistent messages the children eventually learn. Do you think your child gets this support? Sorry, bit waffly.

hi, thanks for your reply. I intend to speak with the teacher on monday, (didn't get time today) to ask about ds comments and see whatshe has to say.

I feel a bit awkward saying it now after ds hitting others incase shethinks I am trying to deflect responsibility from DS but I am probably overthinking it I often overthink and waffle

We are concerned that the teachers may be missing incidents aginst ds and only catching on when he "acts out" during retaliation. I have seen ds hitting out at dd in frustration so I know he is not always a victim and don't want to shift all blame from him. I am trying t teach him that reacting with violence is not the answer and we are working on expressing himself/walking away etc at home.