8 yr old boy - is he going off the rails

[Garri]

My son is 8, apparently very bright, sporty, musical, loving - what more could I ask! But his class teacher says he hits and hurts his "friends" about 3 or 4 times a week. It's without malice and it's usually because he is annoyed or frustrated, but parents are complaining and he is losing friends. At the moment his is popular but the odd friend is beginning to drift away for their own safety. He never hits girls, and I suspect it's connected with the fact that he has a younger brother with whom he fights a great deal. Any advice?

Two thoughts occur:

school should clamp down on this behaviour and impose firm sanctions- in ds' school it's automatic detention for hitting

you should make it clear to him that hitting his brother is not acceptable however much they may disagree- he needs to learn other ways of expressing frustration, otherwise he will get in trouble in the outside world

speaking as someone who has spent a lot of time breaking up sibling fights- it has actually been worth while though a pain at the time

Garri my advice would be zero tolerance for hitting anyone, at all. I went through this with my DS when he was six. I clamped down firmly and things improved a lot. We've had a bit of backsliding recently (he's now 7.5) but I see - again - that DS is certainly old enough for a bit of anger management and that if there are enough sanctions in place he can contain his anger or frustration. If you dont teach him that hitting is unacceptable then the world will, and I think the lesson will be far more painfully learned. I would come down heavily if he so much as raises his hand, never mind actually makes contact. Eight is too old to hit in frustration - it's that simple.

HTH, and good luck.