A new sibling and starting school?

[MumtoLaura]

We've just decided we would like to have a second child, if I get pregnant straight away (unlikely, but you never know) the baby would be due at the beginning of August. My DD is due to start school in September. Would a new sibling and starting school be too much for her, should I wait a few months?

Hi Mumtolaura

If you can, it's propably best to wait, your dd might just be fine with school and the new baby, but you can never know in advance, and for many children, starting school and new siblings are unsettling experiences, it might just be worth waiting a few months!

When my DS was born last summer my DD was 4 1/2 and about to start school. I was worried beforehand thinking that maybe we'd got the timing all wrong.
I thought she'd get to spend the summer with Mummy and new baby brother (and Daddy who was obviously around more than usual cos of new baby) and then suddenly , come Sept, be packed off to school every day. However there wasn't any of the resentment I'd expected! I was waiting for the "its not fair, x gets to spend all day with you" type of arguements but it didn't happen.
I think she was so excited about school that it didn't occur to her. Just made sure that she felt extra special and had Mummy and Daddy time every day etc.
I suppose a lot of it depends on the individual childs temperament. Hopefully your DD will love being a big sister too.

Hornbag - How soon to your DD starting school was your DS born?
Another reason I was thinking of trying for a baby now (rather than later) is that I work full time and if I'm on maternity leave I will be able to pick DD up from school during her first term (when I go back to work I will have a childminder). However, I know a couple of children who have started school this year and have found it difficult, so you might be right webmum.

DS was born very end June, so about 10wks before DD started school.
It was lovely to be able to take her to school and pick her up every day in that first term. I really felt for the kids who were so tired by starting school but had to go on to afterschool care at the end of the day.

Mumtolaura I think that being on maternity leave for your DD's first term at school would be of great benefit to her. My DS has just started reception and he is very tired at the end of the day so finds it hard then to have to go to the childminder for a couple of hours - he goes 3 days a week. I was surprised because he was used to 3 full days at nursery. Although with CM's personal circumstances and DS's illness he's not been there that much yet.

The ideal scenario I see is you feeding baby then popping it into pram and heading round to school for DD. Baby goes to sleep. You get home and spend a bit of time with DD, then baby wakes up etc. Of course, babies don't go in for ideal scenarios....

I'm in exactly the same boat, MTL, so I don't have any experience but plenty of empathy!

I am sure it is going to be an unsettling experience for all of us but on balance I really don't want to put it off any longer.

For starters, I'm already a bit concerned that DS and any sibling will be at such different development stages that it will be difficult for them to do things together for the first few years. Add to that the opportunity to 'soften up' his first term at school by making it a shorter day, and it starts to sound worth the risk.

If all goes according to plan, I'll let you know if it pays off in September!

August babies have their own disadvantage, being the youngest in the year when they start. So I would wait 2 months & aim for an October+baby, myself.

like freakyzebra said, if you just wait a couple of months you'll still be on maternity leave, but by the time baby comes your daughter might have adjusted to school life, so it may not be too much of a problem.

Also, it will be nice to have some time on your own with the new baby while dd1 is at school, which is something you don't get much of with your second one!

Hi there

I would be inclined to go with your instinct. There isn't a right or wrong answer, and there will be advantages and disadvantages either way.

For the record, my ds2 is an August baby, but I'm not worried about him being the youngest in the year at all.

My ds2 started school in January, when ds1 was 6 months. Up until then he was at nursery 2 days a week, but was very reluctant to go and leave the new baby at home. Once he started school he was fine. There was no problem at all getting him to go: it is all so exciting, and most children recognise that it a new stage for them, and feel quite important starting school, rather than feeling pushed out. They can get very tired, so I would echo the comments above, that your being there to meet her, would probably be a huge advantage, at first.

Good luck whatever you decide.

VTM

DD had been at school for 5 days when DS turned up, it wasn't my idea of great timing. She was fine with it and school made a fuss of her being a big sister and her teacher had said before hand that she had some books she could give her about new babies if jealousy was a problem. It wasn't ideal though as in her reception class we went in with them and helped them sort changing reading book, handing scrap book, drink & snack pot away, coat on peg, name on name board. It wasn't possible to take a buggy in and I struggled carrying a carseat straight after a c/section and it was all a bit of a nightmare until I discovered a sling. Luckily we lived literally round the corner from school so getting her there was easy. Also she had gone to the onsite nursery and most of the children in her class she knew and had had 6 sessions before the summer holidays so it was a gentle transition. By choice I would have waited a few months, possibly until after Christmas, which would have been easier I think.