I thought by age 4 behaviour should improve

[whoneedssleepanyway]

DD1 is 4 (just).

I would say we got away with the terrible twos fairly lightly. But she can be very obstinate and stroppy. The most recent thing is clothing, she refuses to wear most of her clothes, saying they are uncomfy. I have bought her bigger sizes, let her chose things but getting dressed in the morning is still a battle. To the extent that this morning we had hysterical behaviour like I have never seen, I told her she couldn't have breakfast until she got dressed but she refused to wear any of the clean clothes in her drawers and basically worked herself into a frenzy. DH spends his time trying to coax her gently which I don't think works and makes me seem the bad guy, but even he went mental in the end this morning. She is wearing me down...

This doesn't sound like a behaviour problem to me but a sensory processing problem. You can ask your GP or school to refer you to the Child Development Centre if you have concerns. There are therapies that they can use to help or as LeninGrad says you can buy special clothing.

I would say this sort of behaviour is fairly common, but yes, very wearing! I know everyone has their morning routine, but I don't attempt to get my DDs to do anything before breakfast as their blood sugars are low and it's a recipe for a meltdown in our house. I do understand because, unfortunately they get it from me! I have to bite my lip if they're being trying in the morning and shovel a bowl of cereal down me before entering into any sort of a debate!

Other than that, I guess it depends how much of a hurry you're in to get out the house. If you're off to nursary etc, then you obviously haven't got the time to faff for too long. If you have got the time, I would try and let her know she can wear whatever she chooses from her clean clothes and if she throws a paddy, just repeat what you have said and leave her to it. I have literally had to leave my DD1 screaming for 20 minutes before. She eventually calms down by herself (which I believe is an important skill to learn).

She hasn't got any attention from her behaviour, (good or bad) and the goal posts have remained the same.

Also, how about discussing your dillema with her and getting her to choose her outfit the day before. She could put it in a special place in her room and feel like she's taken responsability for the whole thing so it's not out of her control.

She may well have problems tolerating the clothes you're insisting she wear and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, worse than wearing clothes which itch and irritate all day.

Does she get to try clothes on before you buy them and say whether they're comfy or not?

my dd2 is 19 months and although doesnt have total tantrums (yet!) she does fuss a lot withy clothes, if her socks are on wonky she will hold her foot out and whinge unti l ifix it, if her cardigan or top sleeves come too far down her wrist she will whinge and hold her arm out for me to turn the sleeves up./ She has sensory processing problems and has to hae just the right clothes on or will remove them!

Thanks all.

Jezabelle I think there is a lot to be said for the hungry thing as both mine do tend to behave badly till they have had some breakfast, so that is a good idea.

I have tried letting her pick out clothes etc, will give this another go.

The think is we buy new things she says they are ok, wears them for a few weeks and then the start "hurting" I do think some of it is a control thing, I am in half a mind to buy 7 pairs of identical leggings and t shirts and leave it at that...but I know that isn't the answer...

I think I will sort through her clothes with her, agree what she will and will not wear and then let her chose from whatever is clean

Thanks all.