Unreasonable behaviour of 7-yr old

[redditchjo]

Please help me. My DS is 7-years old and is incapable of doing as he's asked/told. After yet another disastrous bed time I am literally at the end of my tether. My DS can be the most loving, funny, charming child in the world, but much more frequently he is disobediant, disrespectful and just down right naughty. It's very much if I say black he says white. He's OK right up to the point he's told 'no' at which point all hell breaks loose. I've tried it all, talking clamly, shouting, reward charts, taking away favourite items, giving treats, with-holding treats, time-out, ignoring and nothing seems to work. I just don't know what to do any more and believe this is damaging our relationship. I now dread weekends and school holidays as I know the majority of the time will be spent in battle. My DS has a twin sister and I am a single parent who feels she is letting her children down. Can anyone help me with coping strategies and advice?

There are so many reasons why a child can act out. Sometimes a traumatic/upsetting event can trigger it. Even an event that you may not have considered distressing, he may well have. If this is the case, sit him down and talk him through it, or get a family member, friend or counsellor to. Can the school keep him in check? If so, maybe his teacher can give you some secrets. Is he bored? Not mentally stimulated enough? Does your daughter behave like this too?
Sorry, this probably wasn't helpful at all.

DS1 went through this last year. He was an absolute nightmare - all you describe and more besides! He's just emerging from the other side of it and is a much nicer person to be around.

In his case, he doesn't deal well with not getting his own way (never has - shocking toddler tantrums etc) and can be quite dominating in class according to his teacher.

I put it down to hormones, school/friendship stress, having an 'annoying' little brother who winds him up and generally being of a bloody-minded disposition.

None of this may be the case for your son but it may just be yet another phase you have to ride out. Be consistent, don't give in, try not to bellow too much (fail there on my part) and remember to still give him lots of cuddles.

Thank you for this - I've tried talking to him. He's a bright lad and we can talk easily, when he wants. But the minute I think we've reached an agreement it just goes back to as it was. Silly things really - can you put your coat and shoes on please? I find that I say this at least 10 times every time we go out. This morning I've asked him to leave his sister's bedroom as he was spoiling her play - literally said it 15 times (I counted) before he did it. The trouble is I start to get cross when he doesn't listen, then he gets cross and the situation just perpetuates.

My daughter is the exact opposite! He is well behaved at school and with his father - he mainly acts up with me and his grandmother. I know why he acts the way he does - I just don't know how to deal with it without resorting to behaviour the same as his. I try and stay calm, but when I've asked him to do something/stop doing it for the hundredth time it's hard.

Why are you letting instructions get to 15 repetitions? I don't think I would get past 3 without moving on to consequences if I was being deliberately ignored. I know you said you have tried and failed with all the usual "punishments" (treat removal, time out etc) but are you sure you enforced these firmly enough?