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Original poster

help...whats happening to my boy

10 replies

mumiyumi · 19/03/2011 22:48

My 5 yr old son started school last sept, he's getting on ok i think? The teacher said he's very quiet and not boistrous at school. My concern is when i take him anywhere soft play, parties etc it always ends up with him fighting with others, can be friends or strangers, when i ask why he says it's just playing. Today at a school party he was playing with some boys which seemed to go agressive very quickly. The mums of one of the other boys involved said my son was asking her son to hit him? I've told him today that i didn't like his behaviour and wouldn't be prepared to take him out if this is how he was going to behave Sad I hate this behaviour any suggestions??

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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ttalloo · 19/03/2011 22:55

This does sound worrying.

How long has the fighting been going on for? Has it coincided with something unsettling or upsetting happening in your son's life?

Is he generally aggressive towards you or the rest of his family?

Original poster
mumiyumi · 19/03/2011 23:04

No not aggresive at all at home. Nothing at home going on either. It's not punching kicking aggresive, he's pushing pulling, today he was on the recieving end and was being swung to the floor then kicked by another Sad he just seems to be draw into the rough play. I could cry infact am cryin SadSadSad
Didn't think my little boy would behave like this

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Muumraa · 20/03/2011 08:14

I have two sons,9 and 7 yrs.When they were younger I used to be mortified sometimes with their behaviour.I had a sister and having boys was a whole new ball game to me.As they've got older and I've chilled out a bit,I've realised that most of the time this is how boys play and express themselves.I realised this when they started bringing friends home and seen that other boys were just as rough and tumble as they were,sometimes worse!I think you've done the right thing by telling him you don't like his behaviour and keep reinforcing this when the behaviour gets too much.From my experience your boy is "normal" if there is such a thing,and that as he gets older it gets easier.

Original poster
mumiyumi · 20/03/2011 08:34

Thank you so much Muumraa it's reassured me.
I've asked him today if he was asking this other boy to hit him (which i must add would not be something i think he'd do) he looked really confused and replied No. Now i've had time to think Logically (late night and emotions running high) boys will play like this maybe some more than others and i just need to monitor what he's doing when out.

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Huffymuffy · 20/03/2011 08:49

A friend of mine has this problem with both of her boys. My DS is very gentle but would always end up fighting with her older DS, it was a nightmare! But we sussed it out. The older DS is the one who struggles and his little brother copies. Her DS cannot cope very well in groups. One to one he is fine, but as soon as a friend starts to share his attention with someone else it all kicks off. So for a while she stopped taking him to soft play/parties etc. He wasn't bothered because he found it stressful anyway. He had playdates, closely supervised and one to one. It really worked. My friend also realised that if he started to kick off then ending the playdate there and then was an effective and calm punishment. You just have to rope in and brief your friends that coffee might get cut short!

Muumraa · 20/03/2011 08:51

Great.When I read your message I totally knew where you were coming from.I've also stopped listening to much to other parents as much in situations like the one you were in,they can sometimes be looking out for their own kids and trying to make yours look the worst!lol.You know your son,he's not a bad boy,he's just being a boy!

Original poster
mumiyumi · 20/03/2011 10:47

Thanks for total reassurance and good advice, I mind too much what others think, I'll try to stop this and let my ds be a child and enjoy his childhood Smile

Thanks again x

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smashingtime · 20/03/2011 20:10

Have lost count of the number of times we had to leave somewhere early with my cheeks flaming red due to ds fighting Blush

I think boys are naturally aggressive around this age. My ds went in and out of aggressive phases and still does - he's now 6. There is a testosterone peak at age 4/5 so may account for your ds becoming a bit boisterous. I have read too that they tend to calm down towards age 7/8 yrs (can't wait!).

Please try not to worry although I know it can be upsetting to see them fighting!

Original poster
mumiyumi · 22/03/2011 13:31

Thank you smashingtime* your right it is horrible to see them fighting. I now no i haven't got a monster (well sometimes Wink)
I had also heard about the testosterone peak but wasn't sure of the age.....makes more sense now.

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Original poster
mumiyumi · 22/03/2011 13:34

Umm was supposed to say smashingtime

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