DS1 (5y 10m) sooooo difficult - I am exhausted

[LargeLatte]

He has always been a difficult child. Cried all the time as a baby, terrible sleeper.

He likes to seek out a fight and I am so exhausted by it as it is so unrewarding to look after him.

Every morning he will moan about his socks, shoes, trousers, coat....or he needs to just find one more toy, or I was meant to let him be the first out the door, or he needed one more drink etc etc etc.

As his brother gets older (4) it is getting more apparent how difficult ds1 is. Give them a piece of cake the exact same size and ds2's face will light up, ds1 will complain the cake is not big enough, or its on the wrong plate, or the spoon is the wrong size.

I have never met a child as argumentative and miserable as he is. I try to use playful parenting, and try very hard to build his low self esteem and confidence but have seen little development in terms of emotional maturity or communication skills since he was three years old.

Sorry its a bit of a long ramble, especially as I have posted about him here a few times before.

Tonight he bit me hard, then tried to hit the cat with my boot (that I wasn't wearing), and I am running out of ideas.

There is a condition called oppositional defiance disorder. Have a look to see if it fits your DS. Its a behavioural problem and just a label for bloody awkward children (I had one similar to your DS - he was never happy, just constantly looking for trouble!)

If he fits this picture maybe the school can help with behavioural management techniques?

I just found some information on Sensory Processing Disorder and that sounds just like both my kids. Ds is especially hopeless with verbal communication.

It would be impossible at breakfast time for us to ask him 'what would you like for breakfast' - there is literally no way he would be able to answer that question. We couldn't even ask 'Shreddies or cornflakes'- we have to show him the boxes and give him time to mull it over. Now imagine this for every choice or instruction during the day and you can see how 12 hours with him can be a challenge.

I think a lot of the time he is unhappy or seems to be difficult because he literally doesn't understand what is going on.

He has been assessed for Special Needs when he was 4 and I was basically told I needed to love him as much as his brother - which really wasn't helpful.

I think you need to return to the professionals for assessment. Also the school to see what he is like in that environment as they will also need to be made aware of DSs difficulties. If you go to the special needs site there are lots of mums there whose LOs have sensory processing problems, there are organisations that deal specifically with SP. He doesnt just sound like a stroppy child now you say about the verbal skills (or lack of) so please get further advice.

i would repost on the special needs board