Can anyone help with 5 yr old tantrums?

[mumrun]

I am having a difficult time with my nearly five yr old. If I say no to him or ask him to do something he doesn't want to do, he changes into a deomn child and throw a major child - hitting, bitting, calling me all name sunder the sun, says he hates me, throws or breaks whatever is in reach. It takes me around an hour to get him out of it. Normally the naughty step or putting back into his bed. This is really getting me down now and I am at my wits end. Can anyone help or suggest what I can do?

If he's in a safe area, have you just tried walking out of the room and letting him get on with it. By allowing him to bite, kick and namecall you are acknowledging his tantrum and allowing him the attention he is seeking.

If his room or the naughty step takes place after 45 mins of tantruming, bypass this and take him straight there after one warning only.

You say it takes you an hour to get him out of it. I feel this is the wrong approach, you should not be making any effort to get him out of it, however will he learn to control his own temper if he has learned people around him will pander and cajole him to bring him round?

DS was like this when he first started school and the only thing that worked was carting him off to a "safe" place and telling him he could come out (he was not locked in or anything door always open) when he had calmed down/stopped screaming and then for me to leave him iyswim.

I kept saying "this behaviour is not acceptable" while I took him to his room and that was all I said to him so he got no attention.

It took a few times but then all I had to do was threaten to take him there and he would stop.

Also i think a chat about why you put in him safe place/time out afterwards helps "I put you in here because you hit mummy" etc...

Good luck

My DD is exactly the same. She drives me to the point that I really need to walk away from her because I get scared of what I will do. She screams and gets so agressive, its unbelievable. Talk about split personality. I tried the naughty step, but she ripped the wallpaper off, and you could put her back there 50 times and she'd still walk off. We tried sending her to her bedroom, but she won't stay in it!

Different things work for different children. At the moment, she is given the warning that she won't be spoken to until she calms down, which occassionally works because she finds it really difficult to stay quiet!
But the screaming and shouting worries me because I am a worrier and constantly thinking, 'What must the neighbours think?' Really, I should be thinking, sod the neighbours, they haven't got to live with her!
Talk to people, it doesn't resolve the issue of the behaviour but it stops you going round the bend.

I deal with this by saying, "well I love you anyway, so nerny knickers" and then, go and put something very grown up on the telly, or pick up a magazine and completely ignore her.

She will then come to me, and I will continue to focus on the telly, or magazine or whatever, as long as it makes me slightly unavailable. Eventually she asks for a hug, and we can start talking about what happened, and how I will not be spoken to like that, and if I am, I will remove myself.

Seems to work better than the naughty corner/ step, which she never stayed in, or destroyed anything within reach, yes including wall paper.

I hope that it will teach her to walk away from people who are mean to her too.