Am i being undermined?

[monstersplatter]

This is my first post, so please bear with me!
My ds has recently hit the terrible twos. He is throwing tantrums reliably from about 3.30 every afternoon. Dp gets home at about 5.30, knowing I have dealt with questionable behaviour and gives him treats. Tonight was a brownie. Before dinner! Others have been toy cars, privileges, playing games on phone etc. How would other mums handle this? I feel like I'm the bad guy and I'm being undermined, unsupported and ds is learning this behaviour to be ok. Am I being unreasonable?

Has he associated the treats with his tantrumming, or are they given as rewards for doing something nice for your DP? Either way, daily treats are excessive. Talk to your dp.

If he's 2, then once the tantrum's over, move on. No further comeback. So in that sense, his earlier behaviour is irrelevant.

But DP might like to be told that it's his daddy's presence that's the best treat for DS. Do you think he feels inadequate?

Have you dealt with the behaviour already? If so you probably don't want your DP walking through the door and also disciplining DS - This would drag the issue out.
However if you don't think DS deserves a treat because he has been naughty maybe you could ask your DP to do the following:

Ask you in front of DS - "has DS been good, does he deserve this treat"
That way he is giving you the opportunity to either say
"no he was awful" then you can support each other by saying "well sorry you don't get the treat then"
or saying "yes" in which case you are equally seen as the treat giver and thus not the bad guy.
I totally understand your frustration and you do need to discuss this with your Dp because you will end up resenting him even if he is not intentionally undermining you.

I think he may well feel inadequate. And you are all right, I certainly don't want him disciplined twice. Gosh, that would be cruel! But asking if he has been a good boy... that could work! Dp doesn't take criticism well so i have to tread softly! Thank you all. Think I can deal with this. Just needed some calm outsiders to think logically for me.