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DD 2.7 limpet-child. Because I'm pregnant with DC2? Help!

13 replies

MrsBloomingTroll · 17/03/2011 12:53

Help, I have a limpet-child! DD is about 2.7 and I am almost 20 weeks pregnant with DC2. She has been going to nursery since 6 months old and didn't seem to suffer from separation anxiety at the same time as other children.

However, the past few weeks she has insisted that, for all meals at home, she has to sit on my lap to eat them. She refuses to let go of me when I try to force her into a dining chair with a booster seat, her old high chair or even at her little table.

Which means I can't eat at the same time as her (so much for family meals and setting a good example). She also likes to kneel on my lap when she eats and wriggles like crazy. It's getting quite uncomfortable with my growing bump and I'm totally fed up of it.

She goes to nursery part of the week, where she eats absolutely fine sat at a table with her classmates.

At home, she often insists upon being carried around the house by me and, if we're out and about, will ask to be lifted out of her buggy and carried rather than walk. And carried by me, rather than DH, which is starting to get very difficult. I'm really resenting it now.

I have tried explaining to her that it hurts Mummy/makes Mummy tired but it doesn't seem to make any difference. Likewise telling her that she's a "big girl" seems to have the opposite effect, and she is acting more and more like a baby, except when it suits her (choosing clothes, for example). Her tantrums and behaviour in general have got worse since we started telling her about the new baby.

Has anyone else been through this? Am I right to think there is a connection to the pregnancy, or is this coincidental?

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Munkle · 17/03/2011 13:29

I think we have something similar. I'm 31 weeks pregnant and DS (21 months) also wants to be carried around all the time to the extent that my left arm is about to fall off and I can't get anything done ever and feel really guilty.

My biggest worry is how he will react when I have to suddenly (out of necessity) stop carrying him when the new baby comes.

I think it is somehow connected to the pregnancy - not necessarily that he totally understands that another baby is coming (maybe your DD does as she's older), but more the fact that I am more boring, less dynamic (basically I'm a beached whale with my feet up) and less fun than before. I think he must be picking up on that, wondering why I've changed towards him and looking for reassurance. I can barely sit on the floor to play lego with him without feeling really uncomfortable and I feel really guilty. I used to throw him around, tickle him and be so much fun.

I don't know what the solution is but DP and I were talking this morning about how we need to change the behaviour now, gradually, rather than wait for number two's arrival, which I think will really upset him...

If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it!

MrsBloomingTroll · 17/03/2011 15:59

Thanks Munkle, I can relate to what you're saying about being less fun now and my style of play with DD has definitely changed. She and I always used to have a bit of a dance around before bath time, and I just can't do that any more!

I feel pathetic because I'm not only halfway with the pregnancy. I had so much energy in my first pregnancy and this one has knocked me for six, partly because with DD around I can't get the naps and early nights I got when pregnant with her! I get really grumpy with her if she doesn't go to bed easily so that I can climb into a bath/bed myself.

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MrsBloomingTroll · 17/03/2011 17:24

Aargh, DD is screaming her head off because I've just forced her to get off my lap to eat her tea. She was kneeling on my lap and wriggling around and it was just too uncomfortable. I asked, then told, her to sit down and she refused.

I thought a 3-year age gap between kids would be ideal, but that was back in the "good-old days" before DD started playing up...Sad

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Divingforpearls · 18/03/2011 09:53

Look up 'The Pulsatilla child', and then, if you resonate with this, Helios pharmacy.

thinkingkindly · 18/03/2011 12:12

When it comes to meals on your lap, you just have to say she can't sit on your lap because you don't want her to (no need to use bump as reason). Endure the ensuing screaming - saves indigestion if you give yourself a small plate of food so you can pretend to eat unmoved by tantrum, and then eat properly later. Repeat as necessary, looking as calm as you can.

I have this periodically with DD2 and no amount of rational explaining will help. You just have to stand firm.

yawningbear · 18/03/2011 15:28

We have had similiar limpet child experience with DD recently. DD is 2.3 and DS is now nearly 5 weeks old. I am a SAHM and DD has always been pretty limpet like but from about 4-5 months into the pregnancy it spiralled. She wanted to picked up all the time and by me not DP etc so very similiar. I knew that I would be having a c-section with DS and so would have no choice but not be able to pick her up for a few weeks once DS was born. Luckily she does also have a very strong independent streak and also loves climbing Grin so I made the most of this and began encouraging her to do lots of day to day tasks like climbing into her car seat, high chair, even the bath (with assistance) without me actually picking her up. I tried to make it fun and it really worked. I also decided at about 5-6 months into the pregnancy that I needed to take a stand re: carrying DD when out and about. I didn't want to use the bump/pregnancy/baby as a reason as to why I couldn't carry her so instead told her I had a sore back and just stuck with it. We had a few tantrums at the beginning but I was pretty determined as it just seemed much kinder to enforce it at that point. Although again I was pretty lucky in that she has always been a good walker. Since DS arrived we have put a buggy board on the pram and DD loves it, calls it her boogie board and thinks it is like a skateboard. If you are thinking of using one it might be worth putting it on sooner rather than later so your DD can get used to it now, she might like the novelty of it. I also tried to be quite playful with her when I had to say that I couldn't pick her up. She loves me blowing raspberries on her tummy so I would just act daft and say 'Sorry you know Mummy can't pick you up but I can do x instead' and then rugby tackle her to the ground and blow lots of raspberries on her. Obviously this tactic didn't help that much when we were in the middle of the supermarket but it did the trick at home Grin. We have also had lots of baby behaviour, more just before and since DS arrived. When we first put the moses basket out in the bedroom DD spent a good 20 minutes lying in it whilst sucking on a dummy. Quite ironic really as as a baby I couldnt get her to sleep in the moses basket for love nor money and she hated dummies! She will often asked to be swaddled etc and this morning I found her rolling around under the play gym. It feels better just to go with it, although maybe others with have different opinions. It feels to me that if we go with it and don't make a big deal it will hopefully peter out naturally. We also point out to her all the things that she can do (because she is a big girl) that the baby can't do, like eat icecream, rather than tell her she is a big girl iyswim. I have also made a conscious effort to make sure she gets lots of physical affection from me, even more so now the baby is actually here. We also looked at lots of New Baby type books that I think have helped. Just realised how long this post is- hope some of it helps in some kind of way!

MrsBloomingTroll · 18/03/2011 16:12

Thank you, that does help, am still digesting what you've all said!

I also spoke to a friend who has a (normally) very-well-behaved DC1 and she said they went off the rails during her pregnancy.

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Deux · 18/03/2011 16:20

I have no suggestions at all but my DD is the same age but I'm not pregnant. I have an older DS. She also wants to pretend to be a baby and asks that I feed her like a baby. Wants to be constantly carried around, sit on my lap, pulls at my clothes .... you name it.

I find it wearing and can imagine it must be much worse if pg too. Sympathies.

MrsBloomingTroll · 18/03/2011 17:22

Interestingly, I was out of the house today with DD including lunch time, and she wanted to sit next to me, but not on me, even though we weren't with anyone else.

Now we're back home...she's reverted to limpeting again and she's back to eating on my lap (have got used to typing with my arms around her!).

I have been trying to encourage her to be independent and walk/climb by herself but I've just clicked that the main challenge is how she acts in the house. Maybe I just need to go out with her more!

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allyfe · 18/03/2011 20:01

It was the same for my dd (20 months when ds was born). I was exhausted through most of the pregnancy and so less available and I think it was that change she noticed. But, strangely I think having had to make adjustments during the pregnancy, it made it a bit easier when the baby was born. Then, things started well, went down hill for a while, and now are getting much better (baby 4.5 months).

Maki79 · 19/03/2011 13:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the posters request.

MrsBloomingTroll · 20/03/2011 18:01

Very good to know we are not alone!

I'm trying to be a bit more patient with DD now as I think that being less available to her is the root of the problem.

But every time I mention this to friends, I'm hearing new anecdotes of difficult behaviour from first-borns once DC2 is on the way...

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MrsBloomingTroll · 20/03/2011 18:02

Maki79 my DD is also very well-behaved and sociable at nursery. It's only with me (mostly) and DH (sometimes) that she's like this.

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