Just 5yr old SHY to the point of muteness at school

[HotchpotchHoney]

dd turned 5 yesterday and has been attending full time school since September.
At home she is a fully functioning, verging on loud child. She certainly has no problem in voicing her opinions or talking to us, her brothers and other relatives/friends.

Yesterday we had the first parents evening and the teacher said that she was shy to the point of being mute! Now tis has come as a huge shock to us. At home she reads her story books to us, will count up to at least 10 and back again and can point out letters, numbers etc to us in books, on posters, in the lift numbers, supermarket etc. The story books are basic and compared to her brothers at the same age she is quite a bit behind them, but trying not to compare and assuming that she will eventually catch up.

The teacher has said that dd attends daily catch up classes but they are not sure how helpful they are as she won;t talk to them. All other aspects of school are fine, she has a few close friends and is friendly with most of the children. She does tend to form relationships with the boys rather than the girls but then having two older brothers one would assume that maybe she just feels more comfortable with boys?

How can we overcome this, i tried having a gentle work with dd asking why she didn;t speak witht eh teachers, but she denies it and says that she does and she tells them all her numbers letters etc.

Help please.

what was she like at nursery?
I have a similarly very loud child at home who bosses her three older siblings around but v v shy at school.
she has got much better through nursery and now reception but if she is in a new situation (new TA, head comes in, attention suddenly goes on her) she is extremely shy. And she won't talk to adults who aren't her family. I have friends she has known for YEARS who have barely got a word out of her.

I think it is just a case of letting them grow out of it. My dd takes absolutely everything in, is doing extension work in english and year 1 maths - she is just shy. I think you have to step back a bit, make sure she goes out and about and is exposed to lots of different things, sees you and her sibs being sociable, and let the school use their techniques for bringing her out at school. I don't see what else you CAN do. Maybe a bit of subliminal work - telling her how interesting she is and if she tells you a story or anecdote tell her she is very good at telling stories and you are glad she told you. Positive reinforcement of communication rather than pointing out when she doesn't if you see what I mean?

mine tends to have closest friendship with boys as well
my kids go girl boy boy girl so she is closest to her next up brother. funny that!

I have a just turned four year old who is exactly the same, she attends playgroup, but will not speak at all to the playgroup leaders or in fact to any unfamiliar adult. She is so chatty and noisy at home but looks down at the floor as soon as we enter playgroup. She was exactly the same at a previous playgroup also. Shyness runs in my family but my daughters is extreme, so much so the playgroup leader mentioned Selective mutism, ( google it, lots of info). My 11 old son was also shy and although he is much better now he still has his moments, but i think my daughters shyness is more severe. Not sure if this helps you, but i am exploring the selective mutism avenue as i feel i need to help her not just hope she grows out of it. Its very hard isnt it, understand how you are feeling.

yes thast it, i am torn between thinking oh she'll outgrow it and then thinking, what if there is something more to it?

I have to admit I was terrible at keeping informed with pre-school as they didn't have parents evenings, and I work full time so my mother took her and picked her up. She has always been sociable although a little shy, in that when we attended toddler groups she would cling to me for the first half hour and then go play.

The same at her birthday party last Saturday, she was very quiet to begin with, despite having been running around the hall like a lunatic prior to anyone arriving and dancing to the music.She then didn't really join in the games until the party and entertainment had been going on for about an hour.

My children are Boy Boy Girl Girl, with her being the eldest girl. there is pretty much 4 years in between them all, e.g ds1= 13 ds2= 9 dd1= 5 and dd2=1