she is so DIFFICULT! Aaaarrrrrgggghhhh!

[IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat]

Is anyone else's child just really fucking hard work?

DD is 3 and we cannot go anywhere without whining, crying, tantrums and refusing to share. I am so frustrated and embarrassed by her.

She has just been high-maintenance since the moment she was born. Everybody else's kids just play happily whereas we end up leaving everywhere after an hour after I feel I have subjected the public to her whining for as long as anyone should have to bear :(

I found DD1 to be a flippin' nightmare at 3yo. All this talk of the terrible twos completely passed us by, but my God, did we get it when she turned 3...

DS is also showing signs of being the same. I am totally dreading it when DD2 gets there too.

It is just a phase (honestly) and it will get better. Just ignore as much as possible, and if it all gets too much, put a bit of space between you both and drink wine count to ten

Mine has been like that since she was born. Everything seems like such hard work, she's a fussy eater, a poor sleeper. Trips out are horrific & playdates are no good. I must be a crap mum but I do think it's just her personality too.

I started reading a book called 'raising your spirited child'. In a way I thought it was a nice term for nightmare kids, & written to help justify them to their parents, but there were a few points that rung true & it did help me be a bit more accepting of dd's personality.

Its bloody hard work looking after a nightmare 'spirited' child but I also think when they're on good form they can be so lovely & entertaining, & you appreciate it more when it doesn't happen all the time!

I find wine helps alot a bit.

I have a 5yr old son, who when he is nice is so loving and adorable i cannot believe he is the same child i live with normally.

He is under investigation for his behaviours which started about 18months, although he wasnt the easiest baby. He is the youngest of 3 and i understand this comes with its own problems.

Unfortunatly my husband walked out 18months ago out of the blue, just got up one morning and said i dont love you anymore and went to work so i am on my own, my family sided with him(although i still dont know what i did or why he left) and a couple of months later i was mad redundant, all of which i know effefted me badly so would have had an effect on the kids especially the youngest with his lack of understanding.

Well, my little man is aggressive, extremely volatile, constantly shouts and makes noise, irritates the other 2 till they are ready to beat him, has no social skills with other kids at all including at school, is openly defiant, hits me and shouts in my face if he is told off, has had to be restrained by me several times to avoid mass fighting with the older 2, he throws things in temper but also just to get a reaction out of me, does everything he has been told not to and will not respond to any kind of disapline except with nasty physical and verbal actions this is just a few things off the top of my head.

Anyone feeling better about their child yet.

He possibly has something called oppositional defiance disorder, which means he will be like this forever.

To add to the problems he is extremely bright and when school have managed to get him to do anything the work he produces is way beyound what they would expect of a child his age. Trouble is getting him to do it, even when he has one to one with a support assistant which is often to control his behaviours.

ANY advice to help deal with this child and allow me a little time to give my 12 and 8 year olds would be great as i have now reached the end of my patience and know not what to do. I am tired and fed up, this is not how my life was supposed to be.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dd2 was, but she's now nearly 4 and seems to have morphed into a much more agreeable child thank f*ck for that!

With the whining, I made this statement about a million times a day until it sank in:

"I can't understand you when you talk in that voice. Say it to me in a good voice and we'll talk about it"

I like to think it helped but can't be sure as with many of my interventions...

I dunno what else to say - don't put yourself in too many situations where you are expecting her to be like it - she will feel your tension and get worse. Try to arrange things in places where she is generally ok.

Was she a bad sleeper?

jrew - i've read about ODD - it often comes with ADD doesn't it? Sounds like an awful time for you... Don't know what else to say but I hope you find ways to deal with him.

IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat You literally could be talking about my little girl there. She is exactly the same at the moment and is around the same age (she's 3 and a half) I know it feels like your the only one, but your not I promise!

The best thing i've discovered is erm wine no, when I sense a tantrum coming on I distract, try and draw her attention onto something (god anything) else. They usually forget what is was they were going to kick off about: In my dd's case it could of been the fact that I looked at her the wrong way
One thing i've also discovered is all kids have their 'moments'! Do you have many friends with children? I joined a mum and toddler group early last year the first few times were a nightmare! but the more I perservered the better she got honestly, and the more I talked to the mums the more I learnt that I wasn't alone.
I'm sure its just a phase (please tell me its a phase) and i'm sure we'll be laughing about it when their teenagers!

I can REALLY relate to what you're saying. DD was a good baby but the tantrums started just after she turned 1. It's been a reeeeaaaalllly long 3 years (tantrums at the drop of a hat - the more public the better, being very unsociable to other children - shouting/hitting out for no reason, defiance, whinging, refusal to share etc etc) but I can definitely say things are better now she's turned 4. We're currently in the longest stretch of 'good' behaviour we've EVER had - just coming up to a month now!

Coincidently, I've not long finished reading "Raising your spirited child" and I have to say, it made an awful lot of sense. I was nodding along and kept smiling in agreement as I read it. It gave me a real insight as to why DD may behave in the way she did. It's worth a read.