Learning to be gentle and to share (15 month old)

[ReadingTeaLeaves]

15mo DS has been at nursery for several months and outside of that also spends quite a bit of time with other kids. He is in general really happy, sociable (particularly with adults) lad. He went through a bad phase of hair pulling a couple of months ago which thankfully he seems to come through the other side of. However, he can still be quite aggressive around other kids - he hits out, pulls fingers given the chance, and seems to be particularly prone to poking in the eye. When he does this I firmly but briefly tell him off. But I'm conscious not to give him too much attention, so I usually turn my attention to the other child very quickly and give them a cuddle and ignore my little boy in this situation. I'm not sure exactly how they deal with it at nursery - I understand they say 'no' and tell him that he should play gently etc. But - with the hair pulling - this has been going on for some time and he's not evidently improving his behaviour. He doesn't hit out in a violent way - it seems a bit more like a curious and perhaps slightly mischevious act. He is also terrible - really terrible - at sharing. I know he's very young so I'm not expecting him to be great at this yet but I've seen other kids of the same age behave better in this regard. He will get very upset if a toy is taken away from him and given another child and will generally grab the toy back.

I realise he's young and I'm sure the advice will be that it's a phase, but I'd be grateful for any practical thoughts on how I can help him learn to be gentle and to share from mums who've been in this position before.

Thanks,

Repetition,repetition,repetition

Eventually it sinks in.TBH though at this age what he is doing is totally normal

(I think for about 3 years of a childs life you appear to spend your time saying NO constantly!)

You will get there in the end!

Oh and if they are really hurtng another child physically removing them from the situation and reinforcing the NO.

Lots of praise for good behaviour as well

Sounds like you're doing the right thing, which is not saying it's ok and defending his behaviour. Just keep on with what you are doing. We do time out in our house, maybe a bit older though, like 18months, for things like hitting/ biting, a bit of isolation can work v well. I think removing from situation is a really good one (thanks for reminding, Mavis). Otherwise, yes, he will grow out of it. And then when he hits 2 there will be all sorts of other boundaries being tested .

Don't worry. He's very young. And I mean very VERY young.

Even at 4 sharing can be difficult . Actually, it's difficult at 38 sometimes.....

Seriously though, they get better, very slowly at sharing. It's not a natural thing. Just keep doing what you're doing and be consistent.

I agree, physically removing from the situation is a very clear indicator that this is not tolerated, away from the "fun" toy.

He won't understand or be ready to share until 2.5 ish.

Show him what you want him to do - so we've been teaching DS what gently means by touching things and saying gently. Generally hd copies. I've also noticed that DS gets a bit crazed if he's tired or hungry - might be worth keeping an eye on naps and snacks.

Thanks all. Weirdly the idea of showing him what gently means hadn't occurred to me. I will be doing a lot of that - he's a pretty good mimic already. May try and do the same with sharing.

thanks.