DS 7 says he wants to kill himself

[hissymissy]

On several different occasions DS has told me either he wished he was dead, or threatened to kill himself. This often comes after an argument where he has been told off for bad behaviour by me, and often is followed by him crying or pouting with arms crossed and saying everyone hates him, he has no friends and he is being bullied at school etc...

I am a lone parent, DSs dad has only sporadic contact via phone and offers no support. I am at a loss on how to handle this TBH, or whether to take it seriously. Part of me suspects it is just a ploy to get his own way and make me back down/appologise, but I can't take the risk with something so serious.

One of his friends is a neighbour from across the street, and the parents have a volatile relationship. DS has witnessed the mum threaten to kill herself to "win" an argument. The girl also behaves in this manipulative way with my DS to get her own way (not necessarily threatening suicide, but she will stomp off home leaving DS distraught for example), although otherwise she is a lovely child and my DS can be a little wind up merchant at times.

I have spoken to school about DS and his claims about being bullied. The teacher seems on top of things, and has said DS seems very happy and confident most of the time, and I have to agree. He never complains or cries about going to school in the mornings, and as far as I am aware he has lots of friends and is quite popular. I suspect he sometimes winds other kids up, and they wind him up, and they end up fighting at times. The teacher has said she will keep an eyes and ears out but that she wasn't aware of any issues with my son (inferring that other children have had issues).

Today I was out with DS and his friend from over the road, and DS said "when I grow up I am going to kill myself because my life is horrid" to which the friend said the same. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to make a big issue about it either, so I just tried asking them why? Then tried telling them that there are other people with much worse lives (that didn't work), that it was really sad etc... In the end I just changed the subject because I foudn it all too distressing but I didn't want to show a reaction in case it made it worse.

WWYD?

If he's told you he's being bullied, I would take that very seriously. I don't think you should call it a "claim".
It's clear to me that the bullying is the problem and the teacher is trying to brush it under the carpet. Kids are very snidey, they know how to bully without the teachers noticing and a teacher who thinks she knows what's going on with the kids at all times is arrogant. Add to that, a bullied child is in no position to tell the teacher anything because that inevitably increases the bullying.

There was another thread a while back on this same subject, I will try to find it for you.

In fact I feel a bit angry at the teacher's attitude. All breezy and brushy-offy. How completely arrogant. I was bullied at school. NOne of the teachers had the first clue about it.

I agree with the previous two posters. We had a phase of DD saying she'd be better off dead or that she wanted to find out how to kill herself.
Following investigation by me (the school were hopeless) it turned out she was being bullied.
IIWY, I would really dig a lot harder.Good luck.

She didn't come across as breezy at all to me, and unless she is a good lier, I believe her. She said she would chat to DS about it.

The problem I have is that DS is very good at saying things that wind people up. It isn't bullying if he is saying nasty things and someone retaliates by hitting. That is a fight (still wrong though).

Another parent (also a neighbour) told me she has withdrawn her DS - who is in the same year and suffers from behavioural problems esp. anger management issues - from that school because he was being bullied by a group of boys, including my DS. She said that the group were ganging up together and choosing one of the gang to pick on. I went to the teacher about this, upset that I hadn't been told. I was verbally bullied in primary school and it still effects my self-esteem today. When I heard this I was really sad and angry, I mean, why wasn't I told if my son was involved in bullying. I wouldn't blame the school, but I would want to know so I could help stop it if he is doing this.

The teacher actually said that this other boy wasn't removed by the parent, but asked to leave because of behaviour! So who is lying? The teacher came across as much more credible IMO especially as I can't see why she would lie to cover her tracks as I wasn't passive agressive or stressy when I spoke to her. I just said I wanted to know what was going on and to support the school in dealing with any issues that involve DS.