exasperated after 22 months

[griffaloschild]

I've resisted complaining on here about the behaviour of my 22month old son, because I am pretty sure its just the extreme end of normal and I should just get on with it. But today I feel so exasperated I need to vent.

He has been what I can only describe as 'cross' since birth. The midwife said she'd never heard a baby cry so loud, he did only three things for months, drink milk, sleep, and cry. We very rarely had moments where he would be awake but not crying. It was even suggested we take him to a cranial osteopath as the mw thought he might be in pain. didn't make any difference. When he got to about 8months the crying reduced down quite a lot and seemed to coincide with being able to move about more, I was very optimistic but as time has gone on the crying has been replaced by tantrums which have gradually got worse. The last few months have really started to grind me down. Whenever he doesn't get exactly what he wants he screams and shouts, his face goes bright red, tears roll down his cheeks, he throws himself to the ground, or worse tries to run away and I am left trying to keep a grip on his arm and him spinning around twisting himself in a knot. This usually happens without warning and because e.g. he wants to go in the opposite direction down the street, wants to get up and run around on a moving bus, he decides its time to leave the cafe, he wants to go into the garden (even though it is dark and raining). Every nice thing we try to do seems to turn very negative for these reasons. We try to ignore, not give in, explain why e.g. we can't go in the lift right now etc, but it just doesn't seem to make any difference. He is very strong and flails around, kicking, throwing his head back etc, I've been head-butted today, and he often hurts himself. Its the same story if I have the gall to try to put him in the pushchair or car seat (and always has been).

When he is doing what he wants to do he is absolutely lovely. A friend thinks we should try to get referred to a psychologist to try to get to the bottom of this behaviour and learn some techniques to deal with it, but I think this is probably normal but at the more difficult end of the spectrum??

Has anyone been through this? Have I just got to perservere with the anti-tantrum tecniques and wait until he is 4?

Hi, I've had both these things but with 2 dcs, my first cried n cried as a baby, hindsight showed he was just very very hungry and never satisfied and eventually habit to cry for nothing but he grew out of that bout 8 or 9 months also and was pleasant.
My 25 month old on other hand is quite a madam and does this kinda of behaviour several times a day, whilst it not being pleasant i think its called the terrible twos cos its perfectly normal (usually starts from 18 months to 3 or 4!) not fun!
Unless u think there could be something underlying, such a ASD (is he talking and developing as expected?) or ADD then i wouldnt worry and just perservere.

Tbh, sounds normal. DD had a few months of tantrums around this age, is much better now at 25 mo.

Do not ever, ever give in to them and he'll get a message soon enough.

Sympathies, though, it's very wearing.

I feel what you are going through as my 19 month old dd has been 'cross' since birth! Her 'Terrible 2 stage' started at birth and she's not even 2 yet so can't have even peaked! It worries me as she's also very hyperactive and her elder sister has ADHD! I think I could have two of them!

Have you considered food intolerance? Maybe he is in pain. Do you keep a food/tantrum diary?

Thanks for your replies. It is reassuring to hear that other people have had the same problems. I don't know anyone who has had a baby who cried as much as our son, or has as many tantrums let alone both together, so its good to know we are not alone! Most people complain of tantrums around this age but say their baby was a little angel before they started with the tantrums!

I don't think he has a developmental disorder. He is developing quite normally otherwise, talks a lot etc.

I have considered their might be something physical like food intolerance, especially as the tantrums are worse when he is ill. But having monitored it a little there doesn't seem to be any connection. It is probably worth doing the diary though just to make sure.

He had six separate tantrums today in the space of 2 hours whilst we were out (hence my exasperation today!). He is quite happy chattering away in between the tantrums.

We really try our best not to give in but sometimes the silly things he has a tantrum about actually conincide with what we want to do e.g. going in the lift in the shop - so i'm worried he gets mixed messages. Also when he is screaming in a crowded cafe I feel like it is ruining other peoples experience, if at all possible I'll try to distract him to calm him down but sometimes we have to take him outside etc. We've had some bad experiences going out for meals with friends and family!

thanks for your help!!

i could have written every word that you have written....to a T you have described my son.

I stopped going out completely for months at a time as i just couldnt cope with the stress of it.

I didnt even consider going to a cafe or restaunt or any ones houses.
I kinda got the message when walking up my mothers drive and seeing her face as i struggled to pick ds up as he was screaming the street down after i wanted him to get out of the car. Her face was horror and dread.

So even to this day, i dont take him.

Fast forward...ds is now 7 nearly 8 and if you met him, and i told you of the behaviour history you would think that i was lying. He is lovely now.
He got to be about 6, at school and started to sleep through the night. That is when it all changed and became so much easier.
It was so bad that i decided that i would never have any more children because i couldnt put myslef through it physically, mentally or otherwise.

Friends and family told me that "there is something wrong with that kid", HV denied any medical problem.

I was ofetn at the end of my tether, desperate fro bed time to come, even though i knew he would not sleep for more that 3-4 hours.
None of my family could cope with him so i didnt have any respite or breaks till i went back to work. DH would take over when he got in from work and he was absolutely lovely with ds, they adore each other.

Do you have any respite?

Hi, i also worry about the mixed messages cos sometimes especially when u r out for a meal etc u have to just give in somewhat. It depends on the battle i guess. Sometimes its just not worth the hassle of a tantrum so u give in.

Oh cherrychoo poor you! I think you had it worse than us, I feel like a bit of a moaner now! Our son does actually sleep quite well (although we've experienced quite a few middle of the night screaming matches, particularly in the last week!). He is usually at his best first thing in the morning.

I work three days so I'm only on my own 2 days, which I find is plenty! DH is very helpful. He is lovely when things are going his way (ds that is not dh!)and is pretty good in novel situations. Although like you say its difficult to go to other peoples houses (unless they have a lot of toys, stair gates etc, and he is allowed to run around at high speed). I am trying to persevere with the cafe/restaurant situations, because I feel we shouldn't put our lives on hold, and I want him to learn some social conventions - not that I'm getting anywhere.

My mum lives an hour drive away so I didn't visit for ages because I couldn't handle an hour of screaming in the car. I go occasionally now and the screaming starts about 30mins in, which I can just about cope with. My mum is pretty good but, she was embarrassed at a recent meal for her birthday because of his behaviour!

I too am not sure I want to go through all this again with another baby.

I'm glad to hear things got much better, heres hoping!