I am quite upset but don't know if it is normal/I am worrying over nothing.

[FourFortyFour]

I have 3 children who for a lot of the time do not get on. I would say they argue/fight/shout at each other more than they play nicely together or talk nicely. I know it is normal for siblings to have tiffs, etc but it hurts me that they seem to actively dislike each other at times. I don't know what to do about it . They are 10, 7 and 5.

I see other families and the children get on a lot better than mine do.

Glad you've started this thread FFF, I came onto this board to post virtually the same thing! My girls are 7 and 4, at times they play beautifully together but a lot of the time they bicker, and sometimes wind one another up to the point of physically fighting. And when they are squabbling they say they don't like one another. (My 7yo will also say that she hates me or her dad if she goes into tantrum meltdown- we just say that's a shame because we love you,but her 4yo sister can't rationalise it as something her sister doesn't actually mean but is saying for dramatic effect).

I think the posters who said that the children mirror parents behaviour might have a point as far as we're concerned, I know that if I get tetchy and shouty about how the children behave it makes them worse; sometimes distraction works, and the 7yo calms down much more quickly when given her own space alone- but that isn't always possible. The last couple of days mealtimes have been a real source of bickering, to the point where I'm considering them eating separately from one another, which really isn't the answer.

Another issue we have is that the neighbours complain about noise, so we're instantly on edge as soon as anybody raises their voice- so even though ignoring is often the best way to deal with loud and attention seeking behaviour, the children know that we are conscious of the neighbours.

I'm also interested to know what other parents do if children don't stop being mean or rude to each other. We use time out for anything physical, but with verbal bickering it's harder to know where to draw the line, especially if I can't be in the room at the time (eg when cooking dinner).

I take full responsibility for how my children are and I feel a total failure. Would be so good to have a practice run first. I used to be a nanny and was a brilliant one but then I didn't have lack of sleep, depression, full housework and doping it on my own to contend me as I had mum for back up. I also wasn't as emotionally attached though I did love the children I cared for.