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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3 yr olds body exploration play

21 replies

Rosebud05 · 10/03/2011 20:35

I've got a few different groups of 'mummy friends' and I'm genuinely intrigued by two different group's reactions to their kids playing 'doctors and nurses' and taking their clothes off.

One group actively don't discourage this type of behaviour; there's often a scenario when parents are downstairs, kids upstairs and someone pops up every so often, then comes down saying that they've all got their trousers off and it's all very natural etc. Also, talk about x measuring y with his willy also very relaxed.

In another group, one of the kids came into the living room naked from the waist down saying that z had asked to see his willy, and the mums responded by (gently) saying that we don't do that and you must tell me if you asked that, and we keep our clothes on when we're playing.

At the moment, dd hasn't been interested in these games and I don't have a planned response but will come up with something on the hoof.

What approaches do others use?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Nagoo · 10/03/2011 20:42

we're fairly nonchalant, but do request that pants go back on. "X, I'm fairly sure that princesses do wear pants".

I don't know why, as I'm not actually that fussed about a bit of child nudity.

Firawla · 10/03/2011 20:50

i'm more of the 2nd type, wouldn't encourage it

Jubato · 11/03/2011 09:03

Hmm, have no idea what I'd do...will have to have a little think now

gooseberrybushes · 11/03/2011 09:06

Second group, me. Especially if the game is to do with having your clothes off. I wouldn't encourage that at all and I think it would be odd to encourage it. Water play I suppose is the only one I can think of where it might be ok.

Kit on, really. But shoes off indoors .

gooseberrybushes · 11/03/2011 09:06

I bet all the shoes on types are the kit off types. Don't know why I think that.

gooseberrybushes · 11/03/2011 09:13

I wonder if you'll get many replies. Mn is a "let it all hang out" bunch with a sharp line in ridicule for prudery. However with this, it is quite difficult to say yes it's fine to play willy sword fights or whatever. And people won't want to say the opposite and look prudish. So they won't reply.

gooseberrybushes · 11/03/2011 09:45

I knew it.

gooseberrybushes · 11/03/2011 10:40

So basically that means most people that have seen this are in the second group, but don't want to say so for fear of seeming prudish.

marthamay · 11/03/2011 10:59

I don't think I would 'encourage' it, but I don't think I'd be particularly fussed about it and would try to remain as nonchalant and chilled out as possible (depending on what was going on!). I like the 'princesses do wear pants' school of thought. My DS is still a bit too little for this yet so at least I have time to think about it.

BertieBotts · 11/03/2011 11:12

The second one sounds fine. DS is 2.5 and after I changed his nappy the other day I was smelling his feet and saying "Poooey!" and pretending to faint etc. He said "Mummy, smell my willy, blow my willy!" (I assume he meant it in an innocent context ie blowing bubbles!) and I just said "No thank you DS, it's your willy, nobody else wants to play with it." I'm not going to encourage him to foist his willy on others, but I'm not going to make a big deal of it either.

The problem comes I think when parents are really shocked by it and treat it as something really naughty - it's an innocent phase and doesn't mean anything sinister and should be treated as such.

I wouldn't have a problem with children playing naked if they weren't doing the doctors and nurses thing. If they are doing it I'd discourage it if I saw it but gently. I wouldn't feel a need to check up on them all every 5 seconds just in case they were doing it though.

Primavera · 11/03/2011 12:07

I have DD (5) and DS (4) who share baths, play naked sometimes and I do say the 'its your private parts and not for anyone else' bit - and try to make light of it but agree with BertieBotts. I say its not 'good manners' to show privates as they have been doing a project at school about that and also use the prince/princess line (for lots of other things as well!). Too many wierdos out there to encourage naked play as I wouldn't feel comfortable with them doing it in public.

Original poster

Rosebud05 · 11/03/2011 16:46

Interesting. I'm not wholly comfortable with the first approach - it doesn't bother me that these parents are like this, but if dd was to get involved I'd want to sound her out about how she feels about it, right to say no, pros and cons of getting involved, I think. (it's possible that these parents do have these conversations, of course, I've never asked).

I suppose I'd like her to know that nakedness is 'something different' from the norm in our society, and something to be 'thoughtful' about.

OP posts:

Chundle · 11/03/2011 17:06

I think like others hav said in this day and age with strange people you do need to be a little careful. My dd went through (and I sill going through at 6!) a stage of being interested in willys! I've explained that we don't let anyone see private parts or ask to see anyone elses but water play in the summer etc is a bit different. It's a shame really that you do need to be so careful but better safe than sorry.

gooseberrybushes · 11/03/2011 18:10

Why do you need to be so careful? Do you think paedophiles are everywhere?

Is it really paedophilia that worries you.. or is it just that teaching normal behaviour involves teaching children to keep their kit on?

psiloveyou · 11/03/2011 18:13

I wouldn't go crazy but tend to be in the second group. I prefer them to keep their clothes on.
However, dd 3.8 must have been taking a peek somewhere. She was on my bed the other day legs akimbo having a good look. I was watching her in the mirror. She then announced "mummy girls have bottoms like this and boys have long bits"

Chundle · 11/03/2011 18:34

Sorry but why challenge an answer? Someone asked for opinions so I gave mine! And no I don't think peadophiles are everywhere - for the record dd has ADHD and is vulnerable, easily led and needs content reiteration of what is acceptable socially and what isn't. That is why I'm careful

gooseberrybushes · 11/03/2011 18:52

It's because I get tired of woolly thinking on these issues. I don't know why I would bother to get into an argument about it though. Just feeling contrary enough to try to get people to explain themselves. Must get life.

Also I didn't mean to force you to reveal stuff about your daughter. I wasn't expecting that. Just goes to show I guess. Don't be upset.

Chundle · 11/03/2011 19:01

lol. no its ok. interesting to see most others views on here are fairly along the same lines of 'keep your clothes' but not prudish - those that have replied anyway

GwendolineMaryLacey · 11/03/2011 19:04

I really don't know tbh, DD is 3 and it hasn't come up yet, I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it. I don't think it would bother me but can't say for sure.

gooseberrybushes · 11/03/2011 19:42

cheers for not being offended

sheeplikessleep · 11/03/2011 19:48

ds1 is 3.5 and we haven't got into this yet. if it happened, i'd probably just say 'put your pants and trousers on, you'll get cold little monkey' type thing.

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