Does anyone rate the book 'Divas and Dictators'?

[ReshapeWhileDamp]

It seems mostly common sense (something I feel I'm running low on at the moment!) and focusses on praising any behaviour that isn't bad, and uses token economy reward systems.

I hate parenting books usually, but I'm really struggling with DS1, who has just turned 3. We have a new baby and recently moved house (not area) and I know this has had an impact on his behaviour and the way he feels.

He fights me on so many things (normal for 3, with or without a new baby, I'm sure) and just getting out of the house to something he allegedly likes doing can be a nightmare - he's fixated on playing with his bloody trains all the time. And he starts preschool on monday. I'm dreading it - going on episodes from the past couple of weeks, it's entirely possible that he'll refuse to enter the building! I'll have DS2 strapped to me, so won't be able to manhandle DS1 - nor should I, if I want him to enjoy preschool.

Has anyone had any luck with this book? Or can you offer me any glimmers of light? DS1 used to be a friendly, happy, amenable boy and now he's so difficult. I can see why he's like this now, but it's so hard to get through to him, especially now he's developed 'selective deafness' when DH or I ask him for a response, or to do something he doesn't want to do!

You have my sympathies. 3 is a tough age at the best of times, but we also had a house move and new baby within 3 months of DD1 turning 3. Her behaviour was awful for a long time (it is again now, but she hasn't been right since she had chicken pox 2 weeks ago).

I did get the D&D book out but just dipped into it. You are right about it being common sense. I didn't get very far with it though. Have you read How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk? It's really helpful, though hard to implement all these things when you are in the middle of a force 10 tantrum! I made a crib sheet for it which distils the salient points see here, after all, who has time to read parenting books when you are busy parenting two young children!

I don't really have any useful advice except you need to cut yourself some slack, accept that DS is going through a lot of changes and is probably feeling a bit insecure. Rely on Cebeebies and chocolate if you have to to get through the days, it won't harm him and will help you.

For a while we had a sticker chart for specific behaviours (staying in bed and pooing in the potty!) and for every 5 stickers she got a treat from a treat jar. It works well but you have to be consistent with it or it loses its incentive. We are actually bringing it back in since her behaviour has deteriorated in the past few weeks.

I'm also finding 1-2-3 helps, i.e. I'm going to count to 3 and I want you to have done XYZ. I don't even need to specify a consequence and she does it at the moment - not sure how long that will last though.

I'm rambling really, and not being much help, but really wanted to offer my sympathies as we have gone through much the same thing, and things have been much better.

How old is DS2? You must have a lot on your plate right now, hope you are getting a break :)

Thanks, Bumperlicious! A lot of people tell me to look at the How To Talk book, so I'll give it a go. Oh, I don't know - I hate delegating my parenting instincts to self-help books - it makes me feel stupid and inadequate, but since my 'instincts' at the moment seem to send me straight into Cross Roaring Mummy Mode, perhaps I do need help. I thought I'd feel intuitively what best to do, but my 'reptile brain' cuts in an awful lot these days.

Thanks for the cribsheet - great idea! I am going to try a sticker-reward thing with him, focussing on getting him to come and sit down to eat calmly, rather than me having to carry him over to the table after several requests and demands. 1-2-3 doesn't seem to cut it yet. Maybe he's too young? If I say 'I will count to 5 and you must do it before I've finished' he occasionally just joins in counting!

DS2 is a peach, and 11 weeks old. He's actually very little trouble - aside from the fact that he naps on my lap like DS1 did (which might be part of the problem...). At least I'm not exhausted like we were with DS1, because the baby went straight into the bed with me and we both sleep well!

TBH I'm always surprised people who need parenting books actually find the time to read them (I tend to keep them in the loo ). i usually resort to the Screaming Harridan method

Glad DS2 is ok, DD2 wanted only to sleep on my lap for the first 3 months. She is 5.5 months and doesn't sleep in the evening and wakes twice a night so I am knackered and poor DD1 really tests my patience. She has been awful since being unwell too, but we have found that being pretty no nonsense for a few days and giving her lots of positive reinforcement seems to help, most of the time.

DD1 is nearly four, and we have just started the 1-2-3 thing recently. It won't be long before she catches on that it doesn't mean anything! I believe there is a book called 1-2-3 Magic. Haven't read it but imagine it is 300 pages telling you to just count to 3!

best book i can suggest is playful parenting by cohen. can help you overcome the problems mentioned.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0345442865/?tag=googhydr-21&hvadid=6512312840&ref=pd_sl_14hk6ekz7g_b

forgot to mention that i have a toddler and a new baby - this book has been a life saver.