18 month old ruling the roost

[Emmaf]

Just wondered if anyone has some advice? Our 18 month old son is running rings round us. He is at heart a really loving and affectionate child, but sooooooo mischievious. He tries my limits all the time - our biggest bugbear at the moment is food on the floor - bowls of yoghurt which hit the wood and manage to infiltrate every nook and cranny of the kitchen. He knows it is wrong because sometimes he will call me when he is finished and will pass it to me. He is also so very boisterous - which I know is normal - but at times I feel that friends don't want us over as he wrecks their house as their little girls of the same age sit quietly playing with their dollies.

Any gentle discipline ideas - he just will not listen - I do try positive encouragement etc. but he just does not listen when he is being told not to do someting ie. not to throw his food on the floor, not to pull all the cd's on the floor, not to pull open the oven door.

Am I expecting too much for him to understand? I strongly suspect not - I know he knows when he is being naughty.

My son is the same, very boisterous and very cheeky! I tend to take things away from him if after a warning he continues to throw things etc. Its difficult as this results in a tantrum but I explain to him why i'm taking it away and bear the tantrum. I feel its important that he knows I am the boss and even though it can be hell I feel eventually he will understand!I think it's just a phase of testing you. When he's been really up to his tricks I use the time out method and he usually looks pretty sheepish when I get him out of his cot,I'm certain he knows why I put him there. Persevere and know that by having some rules you are helping him in the long term.

Emmaf - just a word of encouragement. A group of friends of ours have a theory that those boys that are a nightmare at 18 months have generally settled down at 3.5. My son was an angel at 18 months, and hell at 3.5. He's nearly 4.5 now, and is calming down a bit. My younger son was a little terror at 18 months, but is calming down a bit now (nearly 2.5), so I hope it proves true.

Keep being firm with him - things will improve slowly. And don't worry too much about mothers of girls - they just don't understand how different boys are!

thanks for words of advice and encouragement. Jessi - I'm really interested to know how you do the time out thing with your son. I was worried he was too young - how old is your son? Do you just use it if your son is having a tantrum, or do you use it to teach him that he has done something that you are not happy about? Also when has time out finished? If that is when he may have calmed down - I fear this may never happen. Strong willed is an understatement. Would love some advice on this if you have a mo.

One of my boys was just like that at 18 months, Emmaf and Jessi. I was frequently left reeling from his episodes of destructiveness and sometimes found it quite embarrassing when we were visiting friends or relatives. One thing to maybe beware of is explaining too much- I think they do understand a hell of a lot at 1 1/2 but it is easy to overestimate their capabilities sometimes. I found (and still find) that if they don't seem to be listening/responding to your requests or explanations it's better to remove them (as gently as possible) from the scene of the crime and move on (biting back rage and recriminations in my case!). It WILL pass, eventually.
Maybe you and your friends have the right theory, Kmg, because a year on my son is mostly a sweetiepie while his twin brother, who had no such tendencies at eighteen months, can be a right little b*** when he's in the mood!

I have two boys and my eldest at two was unbelievable, all my friends had girls who as you say seemed to sit quietly and play with dolls or books while mine seemed to get great pleasure from wreaking havoc and causing mayhem to my eternal embarrasment, I couldn't take him anywhere without a drama. Now at three and a half he's wonderful, but my youngest at 18 months is taking up the role. mind you I don't get half s stressed out about it. I did a parenting course which I found really helpful not only because I got lots of practical advice but also because it was nice to realise I wasn' the only one with a tornado child.I suspect my eldest would have grown out of it anyway but I really tried hard never to shout at him etc(not always possable),and in a reasonable voice (occasionally through gritted teeth) when he did somehting I didn't like i gave him options. eg if you do that again we will go home. if that happens again i'll take you out of the bath. etc the most important thing is keep your options reasonable and always carry through. I also use time out and find it effective though I just set a time limit rather than waiting for quiet as otherwise I suspect i'd be there all day waiting for quiet. With son no.1 i now just sit him with his back to the room for 3 minutes and he can rejoin us and he's generally clamed down again. although when he was younger I had to use his bedroom.

Emmaf, I've been through it too mine is now 6.5.
Don't give him the yoghurt! Either hold the bowl yourself or give him cheese or something dairy that's less messy.

We had to put everything out of reach, locks on cupboards, ornaments all went about 6ft up! When you've moved everything, life will be less stressful. Even with the toys, just get a few things out. I used to hang all the toys in carrier bags off the tops of the doors! Or they just used to get trodden on and thrown around the room.

Shiv - I thought your advice was great

Emmaf, my son is 22 months, but at 18 months he went through a phase of biting me. He'd always bitten me affectionatly since he was little, but it started to really hurt and I had to stop it in case he began biting other kids. That was when I used Time Out, because I had to get him to understand that he couldn't bite me any longer. I used it every time he bit me, sometimes I'd get him out and he'd bite me straight away, so i'd put him back in again! I would explain to him why I was putting him in his cot, and again when I got him out I would re-iterate the reasons why I had to put him there. As for how long I left him, it wasn't for more than 10 minutes,just enough for us both to calm down abit. I don't think with time out you have to wait until they have stopped crying though, it would be too long in some instances. I only had to do this about four or five times and he just stopped biting - success!!I haven't used Time Out at any other time, and I wouldn't use it for a tantrum as I've found that distraction, or just going out into the garden will help. He usually follows me out to see what I'm up to because he's lost his audience! I would also recommend Toddler Taming, it certainly helped my situation.

Batters and Rhiannons advice is spot on. Damage limitation. Rather than keep saying no don't touch just move or screw down eveything. Also I agree Toddler Taming (Dr Green) is a very good book, was well thumbed until the last few months.
Though am afraid have to disagree about girls being "good". Our dd was the tyrant of the toddler groups, to the extent we got embarassed to go. But keep persevering it gets better. Also visits to rellies and (childless) friends an absolute nightmare. We got to the point where we didn't visit, too much stress.
We did the parenting classes (where we got treated like idiots) but the creche was great... though I found most helpful was the "sleep clinic" (which also covered behavioural difficulties). This was a more individual approach, ask your Health Visitor what support etc they can offer.

Emmaf, you could also try something called 'positive parenting'. Tell him what you want him to do NOT what you don't want him to do.
Not "you're a naughty boy" try "that makes Mummy sad when you do that". I know it sounds ridiculours, but give it a try.

thanks all - bought an oven lock today, and moved cd's. feeling very pleased with myself until clever little bugger moved his plastic slide and stood on it to reach the cd's. Had to laug - resourceful if nothing else. seriously though, thanks for all advice - has definately cheered me up and given me some useful tactics.

Emmaf, as a mother of three girls and a younger boy, I would echo a lot of what has been said here about gender behaviour differences. Also, your son sounds like an extremely bright little cookie!

My 21 month old son has had a really nasty ear infection, which he is receiving treatment, but has also undergone a personality transplant and is very clingy, whingy, moany and very very hard work. He wont play, he wont walk, he has tantrums. This is totally out of character for him. Any advice or suggestions, I'm tearing my hair and my husbands hair out !!!!!

Picca, it can take a child some time to settle down again after an illness. One of the best bits of information I ever had about caring for a sick child is that generally they will regress a stage or two for a while. So, if they have fairly recently learnt to walk, they will go back to wanting carries, if they can read by themselves, they can regress to wanting to be read to, etc. I'm sure your little one will become his old self once he's thrown off the illness, hopefully, sooner rather than later!

Emmaf-I am going trough the same exact thing. You pretty much took the words right out of my mouth. I have a 17 month old who also throws food on the floor, takes everyhting out of my husbands desk. He loves to flip all the kitchen chairs upside down in the kitchen. This drives me crazy. He probally goes in the dishwasher a 100 times a day even when it is locked. I too feel he knows he is doing something I am not happy with. If I correct him from doing something wrong he will get upset and keep trying to do it right infront of me especially touching his dads computer stuff. When I catch him doing a wrong thing I usually take him by the hand firmly and tell him you do not touch thats not ok. I will do this a couple times very firmly. If this does not work after the second time I will pick him up and put him in a time out somwhere away from everything. Somtimes he will not sit but I just keep sitting him down till he gets the picture. After a few times of this he gives up and sits for a minute then I let him go play. I know he is still small but I want to try and set boundaries early so I wont have problems later. He can be a very strong willed child just like one of my other children so I think sometimes you need to be a little more firm to break there will. I have worked in daycares all my life and do know that this is exactly how little boys act. Maybe you can designate a place with a little chair just for timeout. He may fuss but if your firm he will eventually give in. Good luck.

As a first time Mum I have a query about my 12mo ds. He has just just started hitting and biting, quite similar to what everyone else on this thread wrote. He also deliberately gets into everything he shouldnt - plug sockets, stereo, switching TV on and off... He will often completely ignore me if I am saying his name, and shoots off in the opposite direction if he hears the words 'bed' or 'nappy change'. I am sure he knows exactly what he is doing, but 12m still seems so young. Is he too young to understand or am I creating a big problem for myself in the future by letting him get awayt with it.

I read this thread and the one on hitting, but ds seemed to be younger than most of the cases.

Can anyone give advice on when they started being firmer with their children. TIA

Art, I think that at 12 mo. you can certainly express your displeasure to your child and expect that he will understand. However this does not mean that he will listen to you. In fact he will probably do the opposite. I think that the best thing to do at 12 mo. (and probably for some time yet) is to pick him up and move him to a new activity while saying firmly "no" or "naughty boy" or something to that effect. I think that it also helps to be over the top with praise when they do something good, or listen to you when you say no (even if it's by accident). My son is 18 mo. and although he still does many things that he clearly knows he's not supposed to (sometimes even chastizing himself before he does them), he has cut back on some banned activities (like biting and hitting). As long as you are consistant and firm it will eventually work. By the way, has your ds just recently started walking? I found that the week my son started walking, he was extra naughty and that lasted for a few months.

It's prob no bad thing IMO to start letting him know that certain actions have consquences that he won't nec like i.e. if he does something anti-social or dangerous he has one minute out in his cot. I found that worked though it took time and consistent(esque) behaviour on my part.

I would be reluctant to say that he is deliberately disobeying you. He's young and the other things that he would like to get his hands on are just utterly fascinating. You need to really engage him to distract him and nappy changing is already registering as something dull to be avoided.

Sounds like you have a little boy who is enjoying being curious! Do try not to get hassled as neither of you gain from that. I needed to take a step back from myself pretty often when my ds was doing certain things. I would remind myself that if he was doing something to gain attention he prob needed a bit more interaction from me. So I would go back into his room sounding as bright as possible, pick him up with an affectionate cuddle and sit down with him with some fresh activity.

Prob also worth looking at the next stage of things for him to do like colouring and mechanical things that make noises etc.

Thanks for advice - I'm trying it out already - and I'm sure you're right, I should be pleased that ds is active and inquisitive. He is also on the verge of walking, so maybe getting a bit frustrated.