stuck in a rut

[rattie77]

I am in a negative rut with my two year old and am really concerned about how I can change this. Whenever we go into a shop, I end up buying him sweets, but we can go into a couple of shops on each journey. I also let him have cakes or biscuits after breakfast if he asks. I am awrae that this will have an effect on his teeth and behaviour - no boundaries etc. In recent weeks I have also let him watch a dvd most mornings whilst I wake up and get sorted for the day which I don't think this is good either.

We attend a couple of toddler groups a week and he has started to get quite whiny when we are there and can have a strop if he is misunderstood etc. He is tired in the morning as he gets up so early and I have considered not going but I always think he may enjoy it this week.

To put things in context, I have suffered from PND since his birth and have had some therapy and am now on antidepressants. I don't let him see my low mood and always play with him and try to be positive but in reality I just want to hide under the covers. I know I need to address the way I am with him but just don't feel strong enough to do it. If anybody has had a similar experience or has any advice I would be grateful

Poor you, sounds like your having a tough time of it. That said we all give in to our children now and then and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. At least you are able to see what you would like to change and can make those changes over time. Try agreeing on something other than sugary for him to get as a treat in the shop for a while, or at least only sweets in one shop. There are cheap stickers and that sort of thing to be had, or new crayons which might make him equally compliant in the shop. Otherwise try to limit your shopping in the next while and then try the above. If your struggling with depression you shouldn't feel bad about it but do let your health visitor and GP know so they can help you. Getting out of the house isn't a bad thing in that case. I let my dd watch a bit too much tv and I am trying to rectify this now - we all have something we could change! Hang in there, the toddler phase is hard but just a phase thankfully!

Thanks, snuppeline. I have been to GP and it was health visitor who referred me to the therapy, sadly it is taking its time to get better. I like your idea about alternatives to sugar, will try to implement that next time.

I sympathise, toddlers can be hard work at the best of times.
I wouldn't worry about the DVD in the morning, if he's happy to watch it, it gives you some time to yourself which it sounds like you need. All day TV isn't great but a bit in the morning isn't going to kill him.
If your DS isn't enjoying the toddler groups and they are at a time when he is too tired maybe you should stop going for a while and try and find different activities later in the day. Have you tried swimming with him? - it would give you some nice one on one time with him and exercise is supposed to be good for depression.

My ds is 18 months but this post could have pretty much been written by me OP.

In addition to your points, I wake up every morning with a sense of anxiety wondering how I'll fill the day and whether I have the energy to even do it. I totally get the boundary thing - ds goes straight to the tv in the morning, switches it on and hands me the remote control. If I don't have the energy to go through the whole rigmarole of trying to distract him while I turn it off/manoevring through his tantrum, I just flick it onto cbeebies, feel shit and then sit on the sofa procrastinating over what to do next and thinking what a crap mum I am.

Objectively, I know I'm not a crap mum, and that ds doesn't really watch cbeebies actively, just likes the music from the programmes on while he plays with his toys but I swear PND also creates a disproportionate sense of maternal guilt.

Thanks, it helps to put things in perspective knowing others feel this way at times. I totally agree that PND does create a disprortianate sense of guilt.There is a really good book about maternal depression called the ghost in the house - well worth a read if you have the inclination.