5year old biting at school self defence? Help!

[smasheddragon]

My nearly 5 year old (end March) bit someone at school last week. They weren't sure of the circumstances as they didn't see it another child told the teacher. It later cam out from my Son that he could not get the other boy off him and he was trying to throw him on the floor so he bit him to get him off. On Monday I went to pick him up from school & was told he has bitten his best friend. It turns out that another boy was hitting him in the face & wouldn't get off. Apparently his friend was telling him to hit my son & he felt his only way out was to bite him. His friend says that it was an accident & my son was cross & upset as this other boy wouldn't get off.
Firstly my Son has never bitten anyone in his life.
It concerns me that he has botten someone.
It also concerns me that he has felt this is the only way out of the situation.
He was told he should have gone to get a teacher - he says he couldn't as the other boy in both circumstances would not get off him.
I have taken this further with the school as it is totally out of character to see why this has happened & to enure it does not happen again. I have a meeting with them when I pick him up today.

He should not have bitten I know that, however, he has a right to defend himself so what else does he do. Do I tell him he should have hit the other boy instead? He is not allowed to hit & knows he is not.
Bit stuck really!
The school quite rightly won't accept biting & neither will I.
I don't think they believe me when I say that he does not bite so there has to be a very good reason for him doing it.
Any suggestions on how I handle it with the school?

If he felt at that time that it was his only way out then I don't blame him. If he didn't know what to do he was in a bit of a dilemma ?
Ok, talk about it afterwards and discuss what he could have done.
Its all very well teachers and parents telling their child they must not hit/bite etc but imagine how horrible it must be for a child who is being attacked to have to put up with it or get into trouble for acting instinctively.

Personally I would prefer my child to give a sharp shock back to someone who is attacking them so long as they know they are not pick on other children for no reason

I would say what you have said here- you agree that biting is unacceptable but your son was under extreme pressure and what were the school going to do to make sure that the other child doesn't do this to your son again? There must be other children who witnessed this happen and could therefore corroborate your son's story?

By fighting back your ds has told the other child that he won't be a doormat and allow himself to be physically bullied.

Yeh well I agree with both. Why should he stand there & be hit & not do anything about it. If he was in a frightening situation I would expect him to do something & not stand & take it.
My argument with the school is how can the situation have happened in the first place? Why did no one see or why did no one stop it? It was on older boy in both circumstances & should have known better. In foundation stage they are still learning & finding their feet.
I have suggested that perhaps there is insufficient supervision at klunch time - will see how that goes down!
The little ones should be watched & this sort of behaviour stoped before it gets to the point where he feels that he has to do that to get out of it.

Totally agree OP,
I would point out to the staff that you expect your son to be safe at school and ask them how they allowed this to heppen. Obviously - your son should know that in normal circumstances he should go to a teacher if he is being threatend or hit - but tell the staff that if he cannot get away from someone - then he simply resorted to something he would not normally do.
I wouldn't be apologising for him.

Well it went quite well except they still don't believe he was in a position he couldn't get out of & had to bite to resolve it. They do not think that the other childern involved would have done that - well neither would mine so stalemate really! As it happened in an area of the playground that is difficlut to see that will be sectioned off at lunchtime so they can't get in it. He also apparently will actively go & play with the older boys and is very confident with them so he is seeking them out rather than the other way round. He has been told to shout loud if he gets in that position again rather than bite but he is worried that no one will hear him so I said that if they don't then he will have to send someone else to get a teacher or if all else fails punch them! I'm sorry but I am not having him feel defenceless and that he will getinto trouble for defending himself because from me he won't and other Mums in the class feel the same.

FFS - What do they expect of a 5 year old ???!
So long as he doesn't go around biting people willy nilly for no reason - and only hits back if attacked,.. then I can't see what the problem is.
WHy is is always the on ebeing picked on that has to be the responsible one ?

I remember having to go into school when my daughter was 12 because a boy had stabbed her in the leg with a compass so she had smacked him across the head - I was told she should have reported it, not hit back, and that the boy in question came from a dysfunctional family and needed to treated carefully. I lost faith in the idiots back then.