Newborn woes - help me remember what to do ?

[Mafrac]

I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old and considered myself an old hand at the newbron lark.....fatal mistake number 1.

DS is a totally different baby to DD - he cries all the time. Well not all the time but from about 2 or 3 on there is grizzling and then around 5 full blown screaming. He is almost inconsolable but if he is swaddled and given a soother he will stop for 20 mins then it all starts up again.

Have had him to the nurse a few times but there is nothing medically/developmentally the matter with him - she reckons it could be a mild form of colic.

I have a sneaking suspicion he might be bored - he doesn't get help half as much as DD used to and is basically in the buggy for strolling, in his bouncer or on his mat. The only real time I get to hold him is when I am BFing or for a short time during the day if I am reading to DD or if DH is home and can free me up a bit.

Also and I hate to admit this here but maybe it is part of the problem..........while I love DS dearly I didn't feel the all encompassing fierce love for him that I experienced when DD was born. Friends have told me this is common with a second child but does he sense something in me that is making him unhappy ?

^^A serious question, DH laughed in my face when I mentioned it to him and I'm afraid to go back to the nurse in case she thinks I'm a bit of a loon.

According to MIL "no of mine were like that" (very helpful) and according to my Mum the only one of us that was like that was my Brother who is still the crankiest bugger going today.

Don't want DS turning out like that.

Any tips/advice appreciated.

I have a similar age-gap between my dc and, like you, my second baby was much harder to please then the first. It is a really difficult time but it will get so much easier and mine are now 4 and 19 months and life is great!

Slings saved my life, I had a Moby and these are great as babies get bigger as yours isn't really a newborn anymore. I carried ds2 pretty much constantly in mine until he was 7 months and I can't recommend it highly enough. It will give you the physical closeness you don't otherwise have time for and it will allow your ds to be upright and viewing the world.

I think it is normal for your love for your children to develop over time and I certainly felt, especially with my first as I wasn't used to being a mother, that the love and bond grew steadily over the course of his first year. However, difficult as my ds2 was, and I did really struggle with him at first, I did feel as strongly for him as I did for my ds1 right from the start. I really have no experience in this area so apologies if I'm talking rubbish but do you think you could have pnd? I certainly don't think the nurse, or hv if you have one, would think you are a loon so do talk to her.

In the meantime try and get as much help and rest as you can, it's still really early days though it kind of feels that by 3 months you should have got used to it, I know!

Ignore silly comments like the one from your mil and mother. As I said, my ds2 cried non-stop until he was about 7 months but since then he's been terrific and is a real joy.

My two are the similar ages, although DD (10 weeks) is an easier baby than DS was. IMO all babies are different, and I'm sure that's just what your DS is like, rather than anything you are doing/not doing. In fact my DS was very similar to yours at that age and the afternoon fussiness and evening screaming really got me down - even wondered if I had PND. He grew out of it by 5 months (or 4 months from due date as he was prem).

Definitely try a sling - DD is in hers for all naps when DS is around (otherwise she'd never sleep!), so I feel she gets enough cuddles and bonding with me and don't feel guilty if she spends all her awake time on her mat/bouncer.