Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

4 year old really terrified of singing in group on the stage. What to do?

19 replies

gaelicsheep · 07/03/2011 18:56

Hi. Just posting this quickly and I'll be back to pick any responses later tonight. Please respond, if only to bump!

My 4 year old's nursery class is due to be "singing" at the local music festival next week. He has been saying he doesn't want to but I didn't think that much of it as he does really enjoy singing as a rule. But today I'm told he totally broke down in tears when they practised the song - it clearly is really worrying him.

What should I do? I could pull him out of it, but they are expected to do it in primary school as well and then it is not optional (although obviously if he was this upset again I would not be letting them force him).

He is generally very self conscious - hates fancy dress parties and the like.

Has anyone else experienced this? What should I do? Might he be OK on the day or will it totally traumatise him (I think the latter unfortunately)? Might he grow out of this?

TIA x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

therealmrsbeckham · 07/03/2011 19:42

Hi,
Personally I would pull him out. It's obviously been worrying him for a while as he's been saying that he doesn't want to do it. Some children are just not comfortable performing and it won't be very enjoyable for either of you if he gets upset on the day.

There's plenty of years for him to take part in plays/performances at school and at 4 years old he's still very little.

I'm sure that he will grow in confidence as he gets older. Follow your DS's lead on this one and let him decide. HTH

Scootergrrrl · 07/03/2011 19:44

Could he just stand on stage at the back and not sing?

DrNortherner · 07/03/2011 19:45

Errr, he is 4. Pull him out. Christ, I am 34 and would not want to stand on a stage and sing.

thisisyesterday · 07/03/2011 19:46

i would take him out of it.

it's really not worth upsetting him this much over

Escallonia · 07/03/2011 19:47

Pull him out. He hates it, he is worried about it, and he is only 4. He might have to do it at primary school but deal with that as and when. He's more likely to hate it then if you make him do it now.

OnEdge · 07/03/2011 19:49

Whats the point, it might put him off his love of singing.

Original poster

gaelicsheep · 07/03/2011 20:19

Thanks all. He can't just stand at the back unfortunately because there are only 8 of them, but I really don't think he'd even do that.

We've all had a talk and I'm going to speak to DS's teacher tomorrow and tell her he won't be taking part. As DH says, something like that could be a bad experience that colours his view of school forever.

OP posts:

tryingtoleave · 08/03/2011 01:28

My ds had a little singing concert for in his class for parents - quite casual. He seemed fine about it but totally freaked out on the day and didn't want to go to school. I took him to school and he calmed down. When I came back for the concert he seemed fine but when the children went out in front of the parents he started crying. I called him over to me and he spent the concert sitting on my lap, singing along happily. There were three other boys sitting crying on their parent's laps - so I don't think it is unusual at all. My ds is usually very confident and boisterous.

nailak · 08/03/2011 01:51

take him and let him decide on the day?

Original poster

gaelicsheep · 08/03/2011 21:48

I can't take him and let him decide. It's not fair because the song is about 8 xxx and he's number 4. Him missing would totally mess up the song.

Anyhow I told his teacher this morning that he wouldn't be doing it, and she was fine with that - even agreed. But then DS did something awful at school. He was allowed to sit out and watch with the teachers while they practised. When they had finished I am told he then blurted out, very loudly, and rudely that it was "rubbish". I was horrified and I am ashamed of him, but then to be fair I should imagine it does sound terrible and he hasn't learned any tact just yet. But how awful?!

He's got a bad attitude about quite a few things just now, including the younger nursery children who he keeps calling silly babies, upsetting some of them. I am worried that if he keeps being nasty he's going to lose his friends, and he is such a lovely caring little boy deep down.

I dunno, does all this still sound normal?

OP posts:

Escallonia · 08/03/2011 22:37

my nearly 4 yr old's favourite epithet right now is "rubbish," applied to anything he doesn't like or isn't involved in, so don't read too much into your ds saying that - he was probably bored having to sit and watch rather than really applying a critical response!

Behaviour all sounds normal if wearing for you (I feel your pain, we have the same here) - if nursery is a mix of ages, it can suddenly get a bit dull and babyish I think for those who are rising 5 and soon to be at big school - they do suddenly outgrow it, but ironically don't yet have the skills to keep quiet about their feelings, or to know how what they say may make other people feel sad.

He may also be feeling a bit mixed up about the singing, yes he hated it and has been allowed to opt out, but oh look everyone else is still doing it and the world carries on without him!

Original poster

gaelicsheep · 08/03/2011 23:08

You could be right, but then he was also apparently covering his ears. He does seem quite sensitive to some sounds - he's never liked loud orchestral music for example. I'm wondering if the singing/shouting sound is really bothering him for some reason?

OP posts:

Escallonia · 08/03/2011 23:33

do you have my child!? ds is v sensitive to noise, also hated the idea of being in his nursery's Christmas play (did it but didn't say his words or join in the singing!). he sat through the summer concert with his hands over his ears too. I have assumed it's an age thing and he'll grow out of it.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 08/03/2011 23:40

Gaelic - he sounds like a very normal 4 year old :)

They (nearly) all go through phases of being horrible little shits challenging and tactless!!

I would see if there is a quiet place he can go to when they're practising because it may genuinely be hurting his ears.

Original poster

gaelicsheep · 08/03/2011 23:40

I hope you're right!

OP posts:

Original poster

gaelicsheep · 08/03/2011 23:42

Chipping - DS's phase is lasting a long time, but then I've recently returned to work full time after mat leave with DD and I think he's finding it hard.

If it was hurting his ears what does that mean? Is it something to worry about?

OP posts:

llareggub · 08/03/2011 23:43

My DS us 4 and I would pull him out if he was reduced to tears over something. It might put him off things like that for life!

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 09/03/2011 11:55

Some of them go through this phase from birth to death a bit longer than others :)

He probably is finding it hard now you are working full time :( He's missing you, which is fair enough... but even so, he has to learn how to deal with that in an appropriate way - it may take a little time.

Do you have a nanny/childminder/Gp's? Does he like them/the environment?

I wouldn't worry about his ears no - just some children find certain sounds or lots of noise too much, they just have quite sensitive ears. As adults we aren't so sensitive and have more control over our environment than children do.

Original poster

gaelicsheep · 09/03/2011 21:13

He's with DH, Chipping , same as he was before I had DD. I have worked full time since he was 6 months old - due to circumstances rather than choice really.

Thanks for the reassurance about his ears.

OP posts:

Flip