advice please! new born refusing to sleep in basinete, only in our arms.

[nello]

I am a new mum for the first time, with a little 5 day old baby.

We are obviously very new to everything but managing with the daytime feeding, changing, sleeping routine however everything seems to change when it gets to about 5pm. We have an arm reach co-sleeper that attaches to our bed nd she is happy to sleep in it in the day time but come the evening she gets really distressed, first with feeding, and then after that once I have managed to calm her and feed her she will not stay in the bassinet. she will send the whole night screaming and the only way to calm her is to hold her and let her sleep in our arms. as soon as we try and put her down again she wakes and starts screaming. Last night she ended up sleeping in our arms all night and the night before she cried more or less for the whole night and got nearly no sleep at all.

Any advice would be really welcome. I really don't know what to do. I realise that she is still very new in the world but i don't think letting her sleep in our arms is a good idea, or very safe, so i really need to work out an alternative or at least know how i might help her.

Thanks very much.

I'm not sure what age you can use infacol from, but my little boy was like this and got better after I started giving him infacol before feeding as she could have trapped wind.

It helps them to belch it out.

After six weeks, you can leave the baby a bit longer to try to get her to sleep, but it's advised not to before then.

He also started to sleep better when I switched from breast feeding to bottle after three months. I also can't remember at what age, but you can give them a special night formula to help them sleep.

I want you to know too, that is is perfectly normal to get very over tired and emotionally down about this. It's okay to put the baby down as long as he/she is fed, changed and is not thirsty or in danger. If you need five mins to yourself. Put the baby down in the cot where she is safe. Making sure there are no stuffed toys that pose a danger, any cot bumpers, pillows or blankets that are too big or thick. It is better to give yourself room to breathe for five mins rather than exhaust yourself. Having said that, my boy used to sound like donald duck and go purple from screaming, so I know it's hard to ignore!

She is so new still, let her sleep how she wants. You can't have her cry all night. You might need to rope in help so you can sleep.

At this age, there are no baad habits in such a tiny baby.

6 days ago, she was inside you- so her need to stay close is completely normal (and good if you are breastfeeding). She will want to hear your voice and be comforted and feel safe next to you.

Sometimes it's easier for you to find ways to cope with her behaviour than it is to ask her to change her normal needs.

Don't worry, it won't last forever!

My 8 day old was like this for the 1st couple of nights home, and I ended up letting her sleep on me. We then tried swaddling and for the lasr three nights she has slept 10pm to 2am, an hours feed, then 3am to 7am. We also moved the Moses baskey from its stand onto the floor which she seems to prefer.

Apologies for typos- one hand typing whilst feeding!

Try cranial osteopathy - it's fab.

My DD was exactly the same. Look at co sleeping if it means you are able to sleep. Don't worry too much about "the rules". Swaddling does help but she will want to be near you right now. I wish I had bought a crib that attached to our bed. It would have been brilliant.

Why is it bad that she sleeps on you? No really, think about it - is it because society has told us that babies should be independent and sleeping by themselves from Day 1 otherwise you will make a rod for your own back.

She's so little and helpless and she does not know that you are in the next room or downstairs watching telly when she's alone in her bed.

Sorry, I dont want to sound emotive but that is basically what is boils down to. Your instincts are to let her sleep with or on you but you are not allowing yourselves to follow this through because of societal pressure.

You have 2 choices - you can go with the flow, listen to your babies needs, allow her to sleep on you, cluster feed throughout the evening (this is normal, building up your supply -sorry you didnt say if you were bf or not) and have a happy, easy baby. Or you can try and force her to sleep on her own and feed to a routine (there are various books on how to do this) but unfortunately you may end up as you have already experienced with the crying all night scenario which is not pleasant for you and even less pleasant for her.

Again, sorry to be so emotive. Go easy on yourselves, don't do things because you read it somewhere or because your MIL or own mum told you that's how things were done in her day.

xxx

Be gentle with yourself. 'This too will pass'.

Co-sleeping is actually safer for babies. Your breathing and heart-beat prompts theres. Also there have been studies showing that if a baby's temperature rises their mum's lowers so that she can cool the baby down.

As regards the sleeping on you, if you are finding it difficult to fall asleep like this you could try draping her over your tummy. My dd is 3 months old now and doesn't need to be burped at night anymore. She had a lot of wind initially, so I used to feed her and then drape her over my tummy and we both fell asleep like that.

Seriously do whatever is easiest at this stage as they change so quickly.

She's a few days old of course she wants to be near to you. This won't last forever.

This is totally normal. DD slept on me for the first 5 or 6 weeks. Once they can see and hear better and start smiling at you, you will probably find she will be happy to be put down.

At this stage, do whatever works. I enjoyed the newborn stage and I think it was in no small part due to the fact that I didn't try and put down a baby who desperately didn't want to be put down. Sure my sleep was disturbed but it wasnt that bad.

You really can't harm her by keeping her close for the first few weeks. Soon she will have outgrown this stage and you will have moved on to new things and forgotten she was ever like this, promise!

Totally normal. DD was like this and I remember spending so long trying to settle her in her moses basket over and over again, DH bouncing her for hours to get her to sleep then trying to put her down and she'd wake up instantly etc. We gave up after a few weeks and co-slept and got much more sleep for it. And she was sleeping in her own room in own cot from 7-6 by 10-12 months and would do a long stretch in cot on own before 10 months so it really isn't making a rod for your back.

This time round with DS I've gone with the flow, he's slept in bed with us from day 1 and now he's got days and nights round the right way he wakes up, feeds, then straight back to sleep. He's 12 weeks now and I love snuggling with him in bed. Honestly, it is what babies need and it is so much more enjoyable to just slow down to their pace and cuddle as much as you can - it really is not forever even though it feels like it first time round. Just ensure you know about safe co-sleeping (don't fall asleep on the sofa, no alcohol, no cigarettes, keep pillows and duvet away etc) and you'll be fine.

Congratulations on your new daughter :)

What TruthSweet and Wholelottalove said. Really, really don't worry about bad habits at this stage. I spent lots of time trying to settle DS in his moses basket, and it's one of the things I really regret now. If we have another DC, they'll be in my bed from the word go, and I expect we'll all be a lot better rested.

The Unicef leaflet on bedsharing shows the safest position to sleep in. If she still can't sleep in that position but needs to be on you, you could put your mattress on the floor so that if she does fall off you somehow, she won't fall and hurt herself.

My DS has very occasionally had brief spells like this even when much, much older (e.g. for a few hours in the night). I lie on my back and let him sleep with his head on my chest and feet down near my pelvis, or let him lie sideways across my stomach so his head is on me but his legs are on the bed.

I'd never been able to sleep on my back before but it's amazing how quickly you get used to it and how easily you learn to drop off. :)

Hoorah for lots of what's been said above. Deep breathing love. Try not to look for solutions at this stage - there aren't any. Sounds like she needs to be with you in your bed for the time being so worry about the bassinet problem later.

I know that at the moment every day seems like a marathon, and everything is very bewildering. I remember the feeling (and the brainache) very clearly. At the moment, you just need to go with it. I promise you that in 3/4/5 days time she'll be doing something completely different and that will scare the bejeesus out of you too.

Name of the game at the moment is SURVIVAL (yours and DP's). Do what you need to do to get through the day/night and importantly, to stay relaxed.

Good luck and welcome to parenthood! It's a blast!

I totally agree with all of the above. With no 1 I BF so bringing her into bed at night was such an easy option for all of us to get a good nights sleep. I felt so guilty about doing the whole co-sleeping thing but it felt so natural to have my babe next to me feeding when she wanted during the night. I'm sure there is a built in instinct as i would often wake with my arm cradling around her and couldn't remember doing it.
With no2 I had no doubt he would be in bed with us from the moment we came home. The world is a strange place and babies need comfort until they gain their confidence. I have slept with baby on tummy on many a night and I have to say they have been the best nights sleep ever. DS is 10 weeks old and I still bring him into bed where he falls asleep in seconds, hubby on the other hand fights to get him into his Moses basket and usually spends 2hrs + getting him to sleep. I'd say anything for an easy life, a good nights sleep.
Don't beat yourself up, things do change and it won't last forever honestly. You just need to ease your babe into the world gently and at the moment you are the only ones they can trust.

Good luck

My DD did this too and I didn't want to co-sleep - nothing against it just didn't quite trust myself not to roll onto her. I found it so frustrating to try and put her down only to have her wake up 5 minutes later that I decided to accept that I wasn't going to get any sleep and just stayed up with her, at least that way I could listen to my audiobook or watch a bit of telly. My DP and I took it turns to stay up and hold her while she slept, it was knackering but only lasted a couple of weeks. She's now 10 weeks and sleeps 5-6 hours a night in her cot and has done since 5 weeks. We didn't do anything to encourage this, I guess she was just ready for it.

Have you checked the temperature of your babies sheets/mattress at night. My ds went through a similar thing when he was very young and we realised that at night our room is colder. We were trying to put him back in a cold cot after a nice warm cuddly feed.
We invested in a microwave dinosaur (a hot water bottle will do but the microwave toys with the heatable beads inside are quicker). When I got up to feed ds I'd nip downstairs, microwave the dinosaur and stick it in his cot. That way when we put him back after his feed he went into nice warm sheets. It worked a treat.

We also swaddled using a woombie which was also excellent
www.amazon.co.uk/Woombie-Original-Swaddle-Sleepy-Months/dp/B002BT6Y6W

If she is only 5 days old it may also be that she hasn't quite converted to night sleep patterns. You could try keeping her awake a little bit more during the day to try and encourage her to sleep more at night but babies that young do still need loads of sleep during the day and the night.

hope you find something that works.

Mine would only sleep ON me, feed, then I would shuffle into position between sitting up ang lying down, with lots of pillows. Also well arranged pillows on either side plus basinette (empty) pushed up against side of bed, so nowhere for her to fall or get stuck. When she was heavier she wouldn't move, but when tiny it was scary, so just be confident about your pillow positioning! I got lots of lovely sleep, she got lots of feeds barely waking me up, and it was so nice I had to push myself to put her in her cot later! Do this by trial and error, after a few weeks (and inbetrween) put her down when sleepy but pick up if she's upset, then try again regularly and eventually she will stay put - you will be astounded!! Enjoy this bit, it goes SO fast.

Also it is totally normal to be unsettled and cluster feed (feed often) from early evening on and this may be the case for some months!