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nearly 4yo will not get himself dressed

16 replies

Escallonia · 06/03/2011 10:18

ds and I have a daily battle about him getting himself dressed. I have seen him get himself dressed, he will do it on his own with encouragement from his grandparents, but refuses to even try when it is just me and him.

He is definitely capable of doing it but simply picks his things up, drops them again and says "I can't". He says he doesn't know how but won't let me show him how without a big tantrum.

he is currently sitting downstairs sobbing and wailing because I have told him to give it a try and he won't even pull his jeans up beyond his thighs, having managed perfectly well to get his legs into his trousers.

we have an incentive chart, but it is making nil difference to his attempts although he was pretty keen on the idea and chose the reward to work towards himself.

he is bright and articulate but very bad at giving things a go, trying harder etc. or he's just lazy. imo he needs to grow up a bit and get on with this next step - he's at preschool now and I've seen the other kids happily and easily take their own coats off / put them on, which they have to do if they want to play outside. am I being too tough? he would love to be babied forever if I played along I think. it's just me and him so it's not as if there's someone else in the house to try something different.

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CharlotteBronteSaurus · 06/03/2011 10:20

we only breakfast after getting dressed
otherwise would still be in pjs at 4pm

ppeatfruit · 06/03/2011 10:32

try and relax about it, he CAN do it and doesn't see why he should always (L.Os think differently from us!) make it into a game see if he can dress his toys or pretend that his toys can do it themselves etc.

ppeatfruit · 06/03/2011 10:38

In the nursery environment they see their peers doing things and that is totally different praps you could have one of his friends or relatives there. Anyway you won't have to be dressing him when he's 25!!

Tillyscoutsmum · 06/03/2011 10:39

DD is the same age and sounds similar. The only time she will want to get herself dressed is when we are in a real rush and I "insist" on doing it for her because it is quicker. Cue her tantrumming to do it herseld. Reverse psychology works (contrary little tyke !)

Escallonia · 06/03/2011 10:43

I bet he will manage fine with his coat at preschool, in hte way he manages fine to get dressed if I'm not in the house. I do have visions of me still getting him dressed when he's 25 7! perhaps I should send him to boarding school. that would learn him. Wink

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notthewowy · 06/03/2011 11:04

My 6 year old is still like this! "Why do I have to do everything by myself?" We have a getting dressed competition every morning before breakfast. That seems to help. Though I have been tempted to put his clothes into a bag and take him to school in his pyjamas.

purplepidjin · 06/03/2011 11:11

Leave him in his room with his clothes, and go off to do something else nearby. If he's not dressed by x time, do as notthewowy says and take him out in his pyjamas Grin

He won't freeze as long as he's got his coat on. Don't make a big deal of it to him, just put the expectation in place that he is a big boy now and should do it himself

FWIW, DNephew is 3 and very proud of his ability to put his own socks on. Then wonders why his shoes don't fit over 7 pairs Hmm

Escallonia · 08/03/2011 09:32

argh. the battle continues. i have tried leaving him to get dressed, he just doesn't. I have threatened going out in PJs, he was delighted and begged to be allowed to. It frustrates me because I know he's capable but he just won't bother himself. He is nearly 4 for goodness sake and can't even put his coat on.

It would be a massive help to me if he would start doing these things for himself as I am on my own with him, so any bit of help makes a big difference.

any more suggestions? or do I just leave it, stop talking about it, keep getting him dressed and wait for it to happen? his incentive chart looks v folorn now!

OP posts:
purplepidjin · 08/03/2011 09:59

Follow through with the PJ's! If you say you're going to do it, for pity's sake do it!

mawbroon · 08/03/2011 10:07

Mine was like this at that age, and he was extremely particular about which clothes he wore too (still is). Going out in jammies would have seemed great for him!!

He only wears soft shorts with an elasticated waist and a t shirt, so sometimes I used to let him sleep in it so there was no big deal in the morning.

Don't stress about it, stop mentioning it and wait until he is ready. I know it is a PITA sometimes, but really it's no biggy in the grand scheme of things.

DS1 is 5.4yo now still asks for my help getting dressed now and again, but I know he can do it eg when they have gym at school.

ginhag · 08/03/2011 10:12

We do 'racing daddy to get dressed first' and 'I bet you CAN'T get your top/trousers/whatever on ALL BY YOURSELF!' with lots of excited exclamation when he does manage it. Also choosing which thing he wants to take off/put on first...

I also sometimes point out that our day can't start til he gets dressed so no breakfast/playing/going out etc, he'll just be sitting all alone in jammies all day...

ppeatfruit · 08/03/2011 13:03

Also let him choose his own clothes; as mawbroon said don't make it into a big thing, D.Cs can smell an issue a mile of.

thebeansmum · 09/03/2011 13:21

Definatley agree with Charlotte - reading your post was my son to a tee at that age! An older relative suggested 'no getting dressed - no breakfast' seemed a bit harsh at first, but less than a week later he was dressing himself as though it was never an issue, like magic! However he does love his brekkie! I don't supose it would work so readily if wasn't food motivated! Good Luck

Irate · 11/03/2011 09:51

my DS started dressing himself proudly at 2.5 then got difficult at 3yrs wanting to be babied like his little sister. The only thing that worked is we are not allowed to do anything in the morning until he is dressed, he is obsessed with food so breakfast is a dealbreaker for him. he now actively wants to get dressed. hope your child likes food too! sounds like this has worked for others too. good luck

LittleOneMum · 11/03/2011 13:00

The ONLY thing which works with my DS (same age as yours) is to make it a competition - "I bet you can't get your trousers on by the time I have opened your blinds, I am SO going to be the winner!" type discussions. Miracle. I hope it still works when he is 21.

meandmybub · 11/03/2011 14:31

We have a game of musical getting dressed (or undressed) .... very much like musical bumps only you have to put on/take off a piece of clothing when the music stops .... normally works with an otherwise reluctant 3 year old!

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