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Behaviour/development

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DD and her daddy.

5 replies

Stressywench · 03/03/2011 22:09

Well, I only joined yesterday and felt really great that other people were experiencing the same behaviour with their children as mine. DD is 5, has the attitude of a teenager, and the temper of a rabid dog! She is very clever, knows how to push the buttons. I am trying all of the compromising/praise/being calm etc. I am trying to be consistent with the punishments etc and occasionally feel like i'm making some progress but feel like i'm losing the war because my useless plum of a husband won't stick to the rules. He's a laid back bloke that frankly needs hitting with a brick.
The current method of trying to controlling the tantrums is to make her calm down and be quiet for two minutes before anyone will talk to her or cuddle her, for this to work, she needs to be ignored completely. She has kicked off tonight and he gave in after 5 minutes screaming and went to talk to her which made her worse, so for 45 minutes she has screamed and shouted and generally made me angry as hell! I haven't helped matters because he doesn't do anything but stand there and I feel like something needs to be done and so i interfere and she thinks its great because mum and dad are arguing, and she's picking up ideas! I know i have to butt out.
Short of writing the rules on a blackboard and making him study them, I am at my whitts end.

Its bad enough dealing with the tantrums but to have to deal with him as well just makes me want to cry. I'm at the point of putting notes through the neighbours letterboxes apologising for the noise but letting them know that she isn't being smacked or anything but that she has anger issues!!!
Obviously I love them both but any tips gratefully received because i am going insane rapidly!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
fifi25 · 04/03/2011 00:25

Ive got 3 daughters who all throw massive screaming fits, after getting hackies from the neighbours i filmed one of them mid flow in case someone rang ss/police to say i was murdering her. it was for a then 7 year old (now 9) but i showed it to the 1 yr olds HV . I used to think if i heard someone screaming like that i would ring the police.

Non of mine have grew out of it. Even when they are happy the sceam a high pitched squeal.

Dad is also on the fence so im the horrible one all the time.

Ive got no tips but know how yu feel Smile

mrsjaja · 04/03/2011 11:41

Me too - although daddy did intervene for the first time on Tuesday, but last night his attitude was "well she hasnt pissed me off today, so do what you have to to get her to sleep" whilst he sat and played games on the computer. I was chuffing mad as hell.!!!!

Keep going - you will win in the end, have been through a couple of these phases with dd (9).

We are now on the "i cant/wont go to sleep" one!!!!

QuintessentialShadows · 04/03/2011 11:45

I have a "you caused it, you deal with it" attitude. Similar to Finders Keepers.

So, if dh one way or the other cause the children to stay up late, then HE is the one to get them up in the morning and give them breakfast and sort lunch packs for them, and do the school run. I am not going to deal with tired and unreasonable kids in the morning, if HE has let them stay up longer watching a movie, or play on the computer. On those mornings, I just dont get up. (Luckily it is getting more and more rare)

Sometimes you need to treat a grown man like a child, especially if he behaves like one.

solooovely · 04/03/2011 12:26

I think I would actually write the rules on a blackboard! He may be having trouble remembering what to do which can be hard when there is a child screaming!

We have had similar problems and whenever we come up with a new way of dealing with it we sit down, discuss it, agree and then remind each other if one of us seems to be doing the wrong thing. We do though remind each other quietly so that kiddies don't see us as anything other then completely in agreement over it.

Stressywench · 04/03/2011 13:07

Thanks for your support. Nice to know that I'm not the only one that thinks men are pointless!
Think we shall have to have a summit meeting over the weekend and discuss everything again. Perhaps if i draw diagrams and flow charts with pretty pictures illustrating behaviours and consequences, they may pay a bit more attention!

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