Toddler temper

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

Any tips for helping my 2.4 year old manage his temper? He's a lovely well-behaved boy most of the time but when the red mist descends his nanny, DH and I find it hard to calm him down.

I know that toddler tantrums are a normal stage of development but the reason I am worried is that his very experienced nanny thinks he is more than usually ferocious during them. He hits, snatches, shouts and bites and becomes utterly furious. Or he is simmering and stubborn. Nothing seems to work so far, from calming voices to time-out (he refuses to stay there) to ignoring.

I come from a long line of angry grotbags bad-tempered people and I am worried that unless he learns to manage it he will have difficulty making friends at pre-school / school.

Am I over-thinking? And what would help? Reward chart / naughty step / persisting with timeout?

Bump.

Yes persist with time out and especially the naughty step...keep at it. and make him stay there, so he learns you and nanny mean business.
Its the normal age for such tantrums, and he will grow out of it by school age.
Be on your guard when he hits snatches and bites. Know he is going to do this and step in as you see he is about to do something.

Say VERY firmly "You do not bite mummy"
Remove him from the situation and keep you distance so he cant try again.
You cant negotiate with a 2/3 yrs child , he cant be reasoned with.
Especially when he is in a temper. Also, before he starts to act up and you can see it all about to happen , try to distract, "Oh, look out of the window, did you see that big dog over there " for example.

My Ds of 10 yrs like his father can get very heated and furious over the smallest thing. I now tell him his reaction is totally OTT, and to go and calm down. He didnt have massive tantrums at 2/3 yrs though.

What you are going through is very normal really.
Discipline firmly and dont let him have everything he wants, because he will use his temper tantrums to get it all. Give him that special love when he is good and praise him " Well done, That was really nice, you have been such a good quiet boy " Hug hug etc.

Hmm. I'd say the opposite. I don't punish for tantrums. It's a loss of control at this age due to the emotions being too overwhelming.

Could you show him an acceptable way to manage his temper - ie say no, we don't hit, but you can throw this beanbag/soft ball/small toy at the wall. We don't scratch but do you want to show mummy how cross you are feeling by ripping this paper/drawing me a picture? And demonstrate, e.g. "I'm SO CROSS!"

It depends what stage of the tantrum he's at but sometimes this distracts them and also has the effect of putting their feelings into words which can help a lot especially when those feelings are scary.

Also I find just being near to DS and sort of letting him get on with it but staying calm helps. Then when I can see he is flagging a bit I just go down to his level and silently hold out my arms for a cuddle. If I ask whether he wants a cuddle he usually refuses but doing this he seems to just take it and quite gratefully and usually SOBS but then calms down enough to talk through what was upsetting him. In the short term this usually upsets him all over again but then he seems to get over it just like any other tantrum and seems less likely to tantrum about that issue again.

But this is just what works for my DS, of course yours could be different. Another option to explore though, hopefully.

Thanks - I kind of think you are both right in that Ski is saying use discipline for unacceptable behaviour rather than tantrums which are non-rational and require a different approach suggested by Bertie. So I guess it's separating those out and recognising when each style is needed.

Will bookmark this thread.

What I find hard is that with adults he is (on the whole) very well behaved and charming but when he gets with children the biting, snatching, possessiveness comes out and I worry about him developing friendships with his peers as a result. BUT it's early yet and I will persist.

Thank you.