9yr old tantrums

[EmilyandIsabellesMum]

DD is 9 and in year 5. For a while now she seems to be very unhappy at school. She frequently complains of feeling sick in the morning and is unable to eat breakfast, and very reluctant and miserable on the walk to school.
If she has a good day at school, then she's quite happy in the evenings, but it's becoming more and more frequent that she comes home in a bad mood.
If she's in a mood when she comes home, she doesn't want to discuss it, but instead is rude, cheeky and if she doesn't get her own way will throw terrible tantrums, yelling and screaming, then sobbing. Yesterday she told me she didn't feel special and she might as well kill herself.
I've spoken to the class teacher but she says DD seems happy enough in school.
DD doesn't seem able to articulate the problem, I think she's struggling socially and academically. She was also diagnosed with dyslexia last summer.
Apologies for the long post, I'm at my wits end! I'm going in to see the class teacher again this afternoon, but she doesn't seem to be able to help much.
Any advice?

I am sorry that you and your daughter are having such a tough time of it. She is obviously unhappy about things that seem like they are out of her control. Sometimes this will get better on its own but other times it wont, only you can tell when you think the time for intervention is. I would suggest lots of hugs and sympathy for your child, acknowledging how she feels. I find that as a parent i often try to jump in with solutions when what my child really needs is for me to see "poor you, has it been a rubbish day? That must have been upsetting for you". This often led to them telling me what the problem is. I hesitate to ask the question, but what sort of tv programmes does she watch, or do you watch when she is around? I ask because sometimes this sort of tantrum and talking about killing themself etc is learned from things they have seen on tv soaps and such like, and in that case you have to be firm that it is not behaviour that you will tolerate in real life! And don't put up with her teacher not being able to help. If it is school that is making your child unhappy her teacher HAS to help you work through it, you can't deal with it if you are not there. Good luck with your meeting.

Thanks for your support. No, my daughter doesn't watch tv soaps or the like, we have CBBC in our house and I think Tracey Beaker and Scooby Doo are fairly safe!
Did have a bit of a breakthrough yesterday, the teacher wasn't much help at all, but I got her private tutor to chat with her last night and the main issue is bullying. The bully is a child who has been causing problems for years, and I'm one of a group of several parents who have been in and out of the school trying to get something done about it, but without much success.
DD is really keen on the idea of moving school, and I've promised to look into that. I've also made an appointment with the GP for referral for counselling as her tutor agrees with me that she's bordering on depression. Also wondering about getting a dog!
I will keep on at the school, but experience has shown they don't seem to be able to stop this child who is very devious and careful not to be observed.

I would think about giving your DD a break from school for a week or two.

And tell the school that since this is a long term bullying problem that has not been resolved and your DD is very stressed and she needs a few days off to recover. Also that you will be investigating other schools to move to since they can't seem to deal with the problem and it is not doing your DD any good staying where she is.