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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

dummy cold turkey - HELP!!!

18 replies

salcol · 02/03/2011 20:09

Hi, it's 8pm, i'm sitting in the kitchen listening to my 10 and half month old boy being hysterical upstairs - I've decided to go cold turkey on his dummy - he only usually has it at naps and bed, but recently has been throwing it out of the cot every few minutes to get me to come back into the room. I would be very up for staying in his room and conforting him, but he's one of these babies who only gets wound up by my presence when he's trying to sleep. So going in every few minutes to confort him only makes it worse. It's been 15 minutes of hysteria upstairs now, and it's breaking my heart - HELP!!!!!

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Nagoo · 02/03/2011 20:11

erm... when will you go in?

Pkam · 02/03/2011 20:13

Took us 2 hours of screaming, me sobbing, DH near to tears when we did it for our DD at around 7 months for same reason. Next night was about 30 minutes and then no problems. Then about 1 month later she was very poorly and we gave it back to her! Be strong and keep checking on him x

Original poster

salcol · 02/03/2011 20:14

well he's JUST quietened down a bit now, it's just groaning.. the question is, will he eventually drift off, and if not, when do i go in as when i DO go in, it only starts him off again..

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Original poster

salcol · 02/03/2011 20:20

silence for 6 minutes so far...

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BlackSwan · 02/03/2011 20:34

Good luck salcol - cold turkey is the right thing to do and 10.5 months is frankly about 6 months longer than the optimal time to take it away so it's good you're not putting this off any longer. The dependency only grows.

Whatever you do don't turn tail at midnight. That will make the next attempt that much more difficult. Is there anything else you can give him to comfort himself? Like a blankie with a satin edge, or a soft toy to cuddle?

Original poster

salcol · 02/03/2011 20:48

Thanks for your vote of confidence BlackSwan! yep I know it's a bit later than I had planned to, I suppose I just got a bit lazy, bad bad me, - but the last thing i want is a 2 year old who walks around with a dummy, so this morning I decided it's now or never so i've taken the plunge.

Still silence from upstairs, half an hour now, I even just went in to tuck him in (as he has a habit of climbing on top of the duvet and falling asleep there - our house is a big old house that has no heating so he gets v cold sometime, but sleeping bags and anything with feet are a definite no as he goes mad if he can't kick his legs around, so duvet it is), and he was out like a light, even when I moved him under the duvet he didn't stir at all. Poor little man must be exhausted!

And you're right about the midnight thing, there's no way I'm back tracking at all, I'm going to stick it out. The rubbish men come in the morning, so tonight I'm chucking his two dummies in the bin, no return.

He usually has one teddy in bed with him all the time, but he also has another little one that lives around the house, so i gave him that one aswell.

Fingers crossed all will be ok, update to follow in the morning.

Thanks for support x

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BlackSwan · 02/03/2011 21:28

Good luck for the night ahead!!

We had about 9 dummies on the go at once. It was high time we got rid of them when we went cold turkey at 4 months. Took about 3 nights to kick the habit. Each night was easier than the last. They understand straight away that it's not coming back. Poor darlings. You just have to help him get through it, it's for the best.

Nagoo · 02/03/2011 21:43

sorry i left you

Good luck, you know you can do it!

Original poster

salcol · 02/03/2011 22:10

Thanks Nagoo, all good so far, still no noises from upstairs. Off to bed now for me I think, in preparation for early hours awakenings!

thanks everyone, will let you know how it goes

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Edsmummy · 02/03/2011 23:33

Hope all is well Salcol. Remember - it is comfort to your little one, Be kind xx

BlackSwan · 04/03/2011 07:27

Hello Salcol, how are things progressing? I'm sure you're glad it's the weekend soon!

Original poster

salcol · 05/03/2011 12:07

Hi,
well, the first night went not too badly, asleep 40 minutes after put to bed. Lots of crying though, was horrible.
Then naps on day 2 (yesterday) it was noticeable that he was wanting his dummy less, however, me leaving the room was the problem, and yesterday's afternoon nap was a disaster - put to bed at 2pm exhausted, didn't go to sleep until 3.35. Poor little man, so much crying. Me going in to comfort him has completely the opposite effect unfortunately, so it was really difficult to know what to do.
Last night, grandma (my mum) came round and did the whole bed time routine whilst me and hubby went for a much needed drink. She did bath, milk, story and bed. Apart from wanting no milk whatsoever, she put him in bed at 7, he immediately stood up, she layed him down again, turned of the light and just left the room. Apparently he let out one scream and then fell straight to sleep. (Typical!) He slept, without waking, until 6.45 this morning. Result! still a bit early for me, but that was nearly 12 hours uninterrupted sleep which is great.
For this morning's nap, i decided to not go in at all even if he was crying. He cried for about 18 minutes, then sleep. BUT he did wake up crying after only 40 minutes, where for his morning nap he usually sleeps for about an hour and half. So we now have a very tired boy on our hands.
Two questions: -
1 if he's waking up after 40 minutes crying, should I try just leaving him and see if he falls back to sleep?
2 Is there any way that i can make him sleep for longer in the morning, apart from later bedtime?

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BlackSwan · 05/03/2011 22:33

salcol - sounds like you're doing great. As far as your questions go (and I'm no expert...having experience of one child only!) I would say that if he wakes up crying then it may mean he is tired and wants more sleep. Play it by ear.

Sometimes my DS wakes up grumpy and won't nap any longer but will grizzle for a while until he's shaken off sleep. Usually when he's done napping properly he wakes up in a decent mood! I would say 40mins is fine. It's not great, but it's a nap! And if he's having a longer sleep in the afternoon then that's probably around about right.

I don't know how you get them to nap longer. I take what I can get!

FunnysInTheGarden · 05/03/2011 22:36

oh my god. DS2 is 1 and I would never take away his dummy. Why would you?

Incidentally DS1 spat his out at 2 months and never had it again, but DS2 is in lurve with his!

BlackSwan · 06/03/2011 11:46

Funny - nothing wrong with a baby having a dummy if you don't mind it. The problem we had was with our DS dropping it several times in the night and crying for me to give it back to him. I was exhausted!! It's apparently quite a common problem at around 4-5 months, and the advice for dealing with it is to simply take it away.

They can't keep them forever... not sure how many toddlers give theirs up of their own choice. I still remember my mother taking my dummy away, I kicked up a huge stink. I remember standing in my cot wailing!

brettgirl2 · 06/03/2011 17:07

My daughter gave up hers at about 17 months by her own choice (well she started regularly chucking it and NOT asking for it back so I took the opportunity to get rid). I never let her have it after 1 apart from for sleep.

I don't see why it's such an issue tbh unless they are chucking them and then waking up.

hillee · 07/03/2011 10:54

Hi Salcol - we did this with DD1 when she was six months old. It took around three nights for her to start sleeping through, but the daytime naps were harder. I would say it took a full month for those to sort themselves out. I was advised that any form of self settling is an achievement, so during the day if they have gone one sleep cycle, then the best thing to do is let them get up. I know it's hard, DD was shockingly tired for a while, but soon enough she learned to self settle during the day as well. After that we were back to three really good sleeps a day. Best thing we ever did. Because, like you, I was becoming incredibly tired with the constant waking.

Original poster

salcol · 09/03/2011 10:36

Hi Hillee
god you don't know how good it is to hear you say that it took a full month for your little one to sort out her day time naps. It's now been a week and nsp times are harder than they're ever been. My little boy is screaming and screaming when he goes down for naps, and i have to cuddle him to sleep - he's even screaming in my arms, and really rubbing his hands on and in his mouth, shoving fingers in and chewing and screaming. I feel so bad for him.

But for night time, it's now wonderful - put to bed at 7, happy and sleepy, no crying whatsoever, and he sleeps until about 6.30am. This morning was different though - awake at 5.30 and then again at 6, a bit of crying, went in to see him, again chewing on hands, really tired and wet eyes. It was more tired sobbing than screaming though. Dragged him into bed with me, and he went back to sleep for about half an hour.

But yes, naps. What a trauma. Just put him down for his morning nap, and same thing again, really hard aggressive rubbing of mouth and nose and chewing on fingers and lots and lots of throaty wailing. He might be teething (has front teeth but no back teeth yet), so put a bit of bonjela in his mouth and it calmed him down a bit, then sleep - but the whole thing was a good 45 minutes of crying, he is soooo tired. I very very nearly cracked and came downstairs to find the emergency dummy - but i didn't. And i'm glad i didn't, because he's now asleep.

Anyway, it is so good to hear that daytime naps can take longer to sort out than nighttime sleep, suddenly it makes sense, and i hope we have eventually have the success that you have. Thankyou!

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