WWYD?

[Mobly]

If another child, member of the family, aged 7 was being rude/mean with your child aged, 3.5?

My DD is no angel but she adores her older cousin. Her older cousin often completely ignores her attempts at communication or throws a toy on the floor if DD has tried to give it to her.

The cousin's mum does tell her off but it's ineffective really, as the behaviour has been going on quite a while and there are never actually any sanctions as such.

I use the naughty step if DD hits or does anything undesireable. As I said, she is not perfect but it's not nice to see her cousin being unkind to her.

For example, last week, at gathering DD wanted to sit next to cousin, and cousin pulled face and said she didn't want DD there.

WWYD?

Might not be back staright away but interested to hear your thoughts.

I would say something to her myself - often older kids respond to friends of parents better than parents!

You could always speak to her mum (as she's tried to discipline so must know the situation) and say how much it upsets you and ask if she would mind you speaking to her dd about it. Might be more diplomatic (depends on relationships).

Also, make sure you tell the 7-year-old how much your dd loves her and watches her. Might give her a confidence boost - she may not have realised.

They are still learning to behave at age 7, I would say don't be too judgmental. Positive encouragement is the best way IMO. If you think about it from a 7 yr old's point of view, a 3.5 yr old is not that interesting to play with - it relies totally on their kindness - which may be there for a bit but will wane when they want to find something else to do.

I think it would depend on whether my child was upset by the older one's unfriendliness. We had a similar situation with an older cousin, and actually there wasn't really any need to say anything as my dd was not offended. I don't think there's much point wading in if it's just your feelings that are being hurt iyswim. It can be hard for an older child to handle the demands and adulation of an uninteresting younger one.

DD was crying at the party, and afterwards, I asked her why, and one of the things she said was that 'X doesn't want to play with me'.

I don't expect a child to be made to play with another child. I understand that. But to be openly rude when another child is trying to talk or show them something. I think that should be dealt with.

The thing is, I'm probably feeling over protective, as XP and I have had a terrible relationship, there has been alot of stress lately. XP hasn't been great about seeing the children and I'm worried about the effect it is going to have on DD.

It's great to hear other's thoughts as sometimes it's hard to know what is the appropriate thing to do.

If it was me. I think (only have a 3 yr old and baby at the moment) I would deal with rudeness/unkindness the same way I would deal with any nauhty behaviour. Time out or naughty step.

Obviously I can't tell another parent how to parent. But it's got to the point where I don't particularly feel like socialising with cousin and mother anymore as I don't want DD repeatedly snubbed. This is nothing against the cousin, she is a child, and I love her but DD must come first surely?

Would it be unreasonable to take a break from seeing them?

Don't think the mother would take kindly to any suggestion that she should actually deal with her child's behaviour.

I think you'd be reasonable to take a break from them. Another thing to bear in mind, 7 is a lot different to the age of your DC. Perhaps the older one gets fed up with yours. I know my DD would have done.

I can understand that Kreecher. I babysat cousin, once, for a week during the day, and if (I'll call cousin X) X got fed up with DD, I told X that she could have a bit of peace and quiet and play in the children's bedroom and I kept DD downstairs.

DD was terrible for hitting, especially X, for a long time, at least a year, but I tried my best to deal with it. The naughty step worked the best and DD went on the naughty step alot.

The hitting has mostly stopped now, and DD rarely hit any of her friends anyway. I've noticed that X will ignore DD and after a while of this, DD will hit out. I will always discipline DD for this, but I often think I am on DD's back alot more when X is there because DD tried to get X's attention. Does that make sense? I think both children should be dealt with.

It's not always a case of X getting fed up- it's often X hasn't seen DD for a while, DD is really excited and X just does this really bored expression and says 'whatever' to every attempt of communication DD tries to make.

I think I'd definitely just take a break if I were you, especially if you don't think X's mother would be sympathetic. I can see that the situation could be very difficult for everybody.