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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Swimming issues in 4yo 'waterbaby'

15 replies

sleepinghunter · 01/03/2011 19:43

My DD3 is almost 4, and having been in love with swimming since she started water babies lessons at 3 months old, has started refusing to do what she is asked in swimming lessons. DD1 and DD2 have never behaved like this so I am a bit lost as to how to deal with it. She isn't afraid of being in the water, as she plays under the water near me or the side. She also is quite capable of swimming about 4 metres as long as it from me to the poolside without any problems. However, in her mind she requires me to be touching her, and even if she swims from me to the side only a metre or 2 away, she will then refuse to try to swim back to me.
I have explained repeatedly that I am in the water so that she can swim on her own and I can help her when she needs help.
It was the final straw yesterday when in her lesson she jumped off a large float under duress (she wanted me to touch her, I said I would put my hand under her as soon as she was swimming towards the edge). Having jumped she then proceeded to rebel my just floating under the water refusing to do anything.
What do you do when your child tries to drown herself just to control you???? Apart from pick her up obviously (which i did do!!!).
Has anyone else dealt with this? Is it just another phase??
I have tried backing off and trying to give her the space to decide to do it on her own, but it hasn't work.

I don't know whether stopping the lessons will work? SHe says she doesn't want to stop but each lesson is excruciating.
Advise me please.

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Pigleychez · 01/03/2011 20:03

Have you tried talking to the teacher?
Our Waterbabies teacher is lovely and would happily offer advice and help. She has probably seen similar before.

Would sitting out on the side to watch help when she does this? Telling her its dangerous to mess about like that and that if she's not going to do it nicely she has to just watch.
My DD would hate just watching whilst all her friends where having fun in the pool.

Original poster

sleepinghunter · 01/03/2011 20:08

The teacher has been no help at all. She just encourages her a bit to do what everyone else is already doing, which has no effect.
I repeatedly tell DD3 that she either listens and does the lesson properly or she gets out, and have twice pulled her out of the lesson early because she isn't playing ball, but to no avail.
This is a child who stands on the edge and jumps in to the pool about twenty times in a lesson, and then starts to cry when asked to jump in and swim to the big float - it just defies logic!!!!!!!

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thisisyesterday · 01/03/2011 20:15

can she not have lessons without you now?

I rather suspect that if she was in a small group with a teacher rather than with you she'd be a lot more sensible about it

otherwise i would say that if she doesn't want to do the lesson then the lessons stop. just take her swimming now and then and let her enjoy it without having to actually do anything

Karoleann · 01/03/2011 20:22

I was going to recommend not staying in the lesson too. Have a couple of weeks off and then when you go back again say now that you're a big girl Mummy doesn't need to come to your lesson any more, but I'll come back at the end and see how well you're doing.

kitkat1000 · 01/03/2011 20:46

i would not go in either - both my daughters had group lessons from age 3 and the adults weren't allowed to even sit by the pool side nevermind get in! If this is how water babies work (never been) then it may be time to move into more traditional lessons as most school age lessons run this way anyway near me.

Original poster

sleepinghunter · 02/03/2011 09:30

She can't go in on her own yet in this lesson type as they don't wear arm bands or anything like that. Though I think that you are probably right in that she would just get on with it if I weren't there. I tried DD1 at the local swimming lessons when we moved here as a stop gap, and having put her up into a group with kids 18 months older than her after the first week they then complained that she was too short to touch the bottom - so I don't hold out too much hope there!!!!! Once she is swimming properly she will be able to go to a set of classes that DD1 and DD2 go to. DD2 started going at 3 1/2, but I was confident that she wouldn't drown. DD3 might just do it to spite me!!! Maybe I will have a chat to the teacher there.

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gourd · 02/03/2011 11:53

Does she only do this for you and/or for her Dad? How about if someone else takes her swimming? Does she refuse to do as she's asked at nursery or anywhere else or is it just at swimming wit you? What I'm getting at is that it may not be the swimming itself that she's upset about, but could be something else - she might just be "testing" the boundaries (of you an your patience!) to see what your reactions are? If she's with someone else she may not exhibit this behavior. Could she go with someone else? I know it helps if it's someone who has swum children before or knows the cues used, but I'm sure they'll remind whoever it is at the session if they're a new face - especially if you explain what you're doing beforehand to the instructor.

Original poster

sleepinghunter · 02/03/2011 12:27

At nursery she is angelic - she loves to do work, and the harder the better. The only other time she is like it is at bedtime, when she tends to say that she doesn't want me to go and cries (crocodile tears) when I say good night. 20 seconds later she has stopped and goes to sleep. Her Dad works all hours, so there isn't a chance for him to take her, though I suspect that she is far to clever to not do the same with him. I don't have parents locally or anything to do it or I would def have handed swimming over to my Dad - the most patient Grandad on the planet. She is very certain as to what she can and cannot do, and has put swimming in the cannot do box. This is despite the fact that she clearly can. How do you deal with that??? .

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moomaa · 02/03/2011 12:38

Here children go in on their own at 3 and parents are banished. Armbands are optional (they use the disc things so you can be as bouyant as you want). The vast majority of children co-operate and most can't swim without a flotation device. For the less confident or able swimming is presented as playing in the water. If I were you I would find a different type of lesson where you aren't there.

If she consistently is not particpating in the lesson you go to there is no point in going.

My DS lost his confidence when he was coming up 3 and the teacher recommended a break. We took 3 weeks out and when we came back he was ok.

Fiddledee · 02/03/2011 13:12

I would stop until the summer term and find a class where you don't have to go into the pool with her. She should be going in on her own now, DD wears no armbands but they do swimming in a shallow pool.

rabbitstew · 02/03/2011 13:56

I agree with the others - find another type of swimming lesson that doesn't involve you going in the pool or sitting by the edge of the pool with your dd.

Have you thought about trying individual swimming lessons, to see if she does it to the teacher?!

thisisyesterday · 02/03/2011 16:08

i woild just stop with the formal lessons then. just take her swimming as and when, and let her enjoy it without the pressure to "learn to swim"

that said, i do think it might be worth looking around for other lessons

ds1 goes to a group where parents don't go in with them. the group is a max 6 kids at a time. none in ds1's class can swim yet and the children who can't touch the bottom of the pool have a special step to stand on
they don't use armbands

MrsDimples · 02/03/2011 23:42

You can get some really good advice on the WB page on facebook, from other parents & instructors.

lovenamechange100 · 03/03/2011 01:49

As fiddle find another swimming class, she's too old for that type and its not exactly bringing her on any. She's doing that because she can and gets attention from you.

Original poster

sleepinghunter · 02/04/2011 10:42

Well, how quickly things change. DD3 got into the pool 3 lessons ago and had apparently decided that now she was big enough to swim. So off she went! Decision made, she is now the fastest in the class and can swim a width front crawl, breathing when she needs to, and with out the slightest hint of the stress she had previously attached to the activity. I have decided to just enjoy the new happier swimming daughter rather than try to fathom why she changed her attitude overnight.
Needless to say, 2 weeks ago she demanded her stabilisers came off her bike as she didn't need them any more..... and she was right.
I get the feeling I had just better get used to DD3 making all of her own decisions, and just try to instil as much logical thinking as I can before she reaches teenage years!!!!!!

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