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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I have got 2 dds - clothes issues. Am I beeing mean to dd2 ?

39 replies

Summerfruit · 27/02/2011 20:09

I have 2 dds, 1 is 7 and the other 1 is 4. I tend to buy a lot of clothes for dd1, lovely, cheap, not too cheap... My reasonning is that it will go to dd2 afterwards. DD2 has started to notice and I feel she is a bit jealous. Dont get me wrong I always buy her a couple of new stuff but not as much as dd1. Shall I buy the same amount of new dresses for dd2 ?

OP posts:

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nailak · 01/03/2011 17:27

my dh got his sisters clothes as a baby...

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 01/03/2011 17:28

My DS really resented having to have his sisters old clothes .... esp the pink sequinny dresses....

frenchfancy · 01/03/2011 18:07

I have 3DDs, and DD3 rarely gets new things. I do have a gap between DD2 and DD3, so I put stuff into storage, and if I'm buying things for the others I get out a box from the storage so she gets "new" stuff too. DD1 and DD2 have only a small gap between them and have been the same size from about aged 5, so they get new stuff.

DD1 also gets hand me downs from her best friend, who is tall for her aged vs my DDs short for her age. She loves her friends stuff, and when she grows out of it it goes into storage for DD3. We also have other friends with girls who hand down to DD3, so all in all she has the most clothes of anyone in the house. Hardly hard done to.

BikeRunSki · 01/03/2011 22:24

I needed to bring wellies on my first day in my first "proper" job, aged 23. They had my brother's name written in them!

Mspontipine · 01/03/2011 23:47

I always wore my sister's hand-me downs - was happy to! If they didn't move quick enough for my liking I would go to her room and claim them myself!! Especially if it was the larger version of what I already had - ususally the case as was dressed alike in those days - twas the 70s :-)

EveryonesJealousOfGingers · 01/03/2011 23:53

Here's an idea - find a friend with similar aged DDs and nice taste, and swap hand me downs! I reckon that would make DD2 feel better as long as she also gets some brand new stuff, plus she can go through the pile and pick out anything she wants before it goes to the other family, then do the same with the pile you receive in return.

How about a MN hand-me-down-swap? (I only have a 1yo DD but was just struck by inspiration!)

EveryonesJealousOfGingers · 01/03/2011 23:54

anothersplace

Dancergirl · 02/03/2011 12:03

I have 3 dds and everything gets handed down...BUT I also buy a few brand new things for dds 2 and 3. And I make a big point of them getting something new, perhaps taking one out shopping by themselves.

freddy05 · 02/03/2011 14:50

I spent many a day shopping for clothes for my sister who then went home and decided what of her stuff she would give me. This was a very disfunctional way of doing it. I have no issue with hand me downs but I don't think the child that gets nothing should have to watch the other buying all the new stuff or that the older one should make all the decisions about what is passed on. Kids don't understand money and I know that children have to learn that life isn't fair but there is the fundamental implication that as a younger person you are worth less and thats not a good idea for people to have in the world.

From the side of the older child there can also be big issues with this as my sister measures how much people love her buy how much they spend on her, still needs to take money or gifts off my parents to know they love her and spends her time (since she was very small) telling me and my other siblings that she is the most loved and gets to make all the decisions because she is the oldest!!

In reality all children should have some new clothes for special events or things that are going to be photographed for eternity but play stuff really could come from anywhere and aslong as its done by the parents properly it really shouldn't be an issue :)

Original poster

Summerfruit · 02/03/2011 15:46

And I dont want dd2 feeling unloved or left out. I will make sure she gets a fair amount of new clothes !

Actually I got her , her very own disco dress, she is all shuffed about it !

OP posts:

freddy05 · 02/03/2011 21:08

lets be honest its a minefield having kids!! if you get this right you'll only screw up somewherelse

AdelaofBlois · 02/03/2011 21:51

DS1 has an innate sense of fairness and is very protective of his younger brother. If I buy him clothes he REFUSES to wear them unless clothes also given to DS2. Have taken to hiding hand-me-downs and giving them in recycled carrier bags. DS1 says 'I had top like that once' and DS2 smiles and goes 'like dat, like brudder'.

Don't know how far the pretense can carry on for, though....

AdelaofBlois · 02/03/2011 21:54

Would add my cousin (ten years younger than siblings) took hand-me-downs happily until one day they ran out of toys etc. in the loft. Then he had a major tantrum because he couldn't understand there were no more left.

You can't win this one, just show affection evenly in other ways, and use the money saved for some quality treat TIME with each.

pippylongstockings · 02/03/2011 22:03

I must be lucky so far - DS2 (who is 4) likes that fact that he sometimes get's his older brothers clothes - "I've got your trousers now".

I think it is in part because DS1 (who is 6) gets hand me downs from his cousin (who is 8) - so they both seem to enjoy the fact that this jacket/hoody or whatever, belonged to older cousin.

I also try and eek out who get's what so maybe both get a new pair of jeans, but then say buy one socks and one pants over the course of a month. So I can say oh you had new xxx the other week.

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