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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

AAAARRRRGGGHHHH

20 replies

yowlingmonster · 18/10/2005 21:56

Do any of you have a supernanny type strict routine and does it work for you. I am finding ds so trying again at the moment but just cant seem to get a handle on things.
Last nite he had a pretty good nite, went down at 6.30 woke about 11.20, dh resettled him, woke again at 4.45 and I went in every 10 minutes until 6 when he had a feed, he was grizzly during this time but not screaming. Slept until 7.50. He ate a reasonable breakfast then threw a big hissy when I cleaned him up, another hissy when I gave him his meds, another hissy when I got him dressed, yet another hissy when I told him to leave the dogs water alone. He then played for about 3 minutes while I put a load of washing on before starting up again. I put him in bed at 9.20 and he went straight to sleep, this is happening every day, he will wake up and it will start all over again. I try to ignore, distract, boring cuddle,etc. He gets heaps of attention and if he had his way would live permanently on my hip.
He is 13mths and doesnt really show an understanding of what is said to him so I dont think that time out type things would work, I dont think he would get it.

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Original poster

yowlingmonster · 18/10/2005 22:08

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bakabat · 18/10/2005 22:19

He sounds like ds3. I do think 13 months is too young for time out- understanding isn't needed though. When ds1 was 3 his language was at a 12 month level but if he did something really really not allowed (eg pinched his brother) then he was "put outside of the room". Which was literally a case of putting him out, shutting the door, counting to 10 (by which time he would be crying) and opening the door again and saying "no pinching". It worked well for quite a long time (doesn't now) but was only used to serious misdemeanours (basically hurting someone else).

I'm not sure that anything he's doing sounds that unusal. He does sound like ds3 (now 9 months) who is quite unlike my other 2, but determined to be into everything. He's more interested in investigating and moving than playing (learned to crawl a couple of weeks ago) although does a great impression of his brother throwing things (started that this week).

I think you need to go with the flow a bit to be honest. You can't really force the issue when they're this little.

Usually ds3 sleeps through (7/8- 6/7) although he's woken twice in the last week. He's teething I think, so I've just fed him- takes him about an hour but he does go back to sleep (unfortunately that's usually a cue for ds1 to wake up ) I've done nights differently with each of mine, but am a believer in going with whatever works.

DS3 screams the place down when he's dressed- really finds it offensive- I don't think that's unusual.

Original poster

yowlingmonster · 18/10/2005 22:26

I know it is pretty normal to be having this, it just makes the day so harrowing, dont feel like I have caught my breath since he was born. He also has a tendancy to sound like he is in mortal terror/danger everytime he yells, v. hard sometimes to tell if he is just throwing a hissy or if he really has got something bothering him still with his bowel etc. Do other babes last longer? ie he still seems to be awake about an hour before acting as though he is exhausted, I feel like most my day is stretching him between sleeps. At least he ate something today he has been on a hunger strike since Thursday which is not helping the failure to thrive at all.

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aloha · 18/10/2005 22:29

I'd give him some milk at 4.45 if it meant you got some sleep. And esp if he's underweight. Of course he's tired if he's not sleeping well at night (not saying this is your fault btw, just that it will have knock-on effects). Try reading Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber for ideas about sleep. The morning habdabs sound like simple tiredness to me.

Original poster

yowlingmonster · 18/10/2005 22:30

some positives by the way is that he has started crawling very reluctantly, v.v proud of him. It is obvious he still finds it difficult but he is managing to get further and further with it which is really exciting.

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bakabat · 18/10/2005 22:32

sleepwise. ds3 gets up at 7, has breakfast, then after the other 2 have left has a bottle then goes to sleep (about 9,30) which I think is pretty early. He's then generally awake the rest of the day?

How much do you get out with him? It's easier to deal with in company. Is there somewhere safe you can put him to get 5 mins peace (we have a playpen and sometimes I put ds3 in there then sit the other side and read a newspaper.- Just means I can without having to dash off every 2 minutes to stop him crawling into the fireplace/up the stairs etc etc.

I think if children are quite determined (like ds3) it is easier to try and work round their routine really. DS1 was very passive as a baby and it was very easy to impose my routine on him. Would never work with ds3- he came out knowing his own mind.

Original poster

yowlingmonster · 18/10/2005 22:33

aloha thanks, I have tried feeding him when he wakes, have read every sleep book written and so forth. We dont feed him in the nite because paeds decided he was filling up on bmilk and therefore not eating and also that he was waking specifically for the feed and would settle into sleeping better if we removed it (HA). I thought maybe it was tiredness too but it doesnt get any better after he has had a nap or if he has had a really good nite, it makes no difference.

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Original poster

yowlingmonster · 18/10/2005 22:36

thats it in a nutshell, he is def not a passive baby and came out knowing what he wanted and wanting it yesterday!!! We try to go out everyday for a walk, to friends, to music etc, and yes he is generally better in those environments but then at some stage we have to go home. How oh how do ppl survive with more than one, this lad is doing my head in!!

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aloha · 18/10/2005 22:36

I suppose I think at his age 4.45 is morningish! And he might go back to sleep, which has to be good for everyone. Maybe you could sneak in a high calorie biscuit too!
Some children are more high maintenance than others though.

Original poster

yowlingmonster · 18/10/2005 22:39

I try to balance his needs with encouragement to let me have some space so will say, Im going to put this in the oven and then I will come and give you a cuddle. Then I am going to go and check the oven now, he just keeps on screaming unless I carry him! Am I getting it wrong does he need to be carried? should I go with what he wants and creat a more secure toddler or should I do as I am and try and balance it and ignore some of the screaming? ARG I know the answers but it is just too much!

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bakabat · 18/10/2005 22:40

Different personalities. DS1 was very pasive (too passive- he's severely autistic- absolutely perfect baby though- smily happy easy thing- wouldn't say he was passive now), ds2 is a laid back soul as well. But ds3- ha! - he's a monster.

If I needed to change ds1's nappy he would like back and look at the ceiling smiling away. DS2 would whinge a bit, but would play happily with any toy given to him. DS3- major strop- how dare I try and change his nappy when he wants to be crawling off now.

DS3 is a bit refluxy and that can make him very whingy. If there's cranial osteopath near you I'd try that. They can do wonders with whingy whiny babies. God knows how, but I've seen it a number of times.

Original poster

yowlingmonster · 18/10/2005 22:41

Aloha yes I know what you mean about it being morningish but when I feed him he doesnt go back to sleep and I find he needs a nap at 7am!!!
Vhard to find highcalorie gluten and dairy free bikkies by the way, that is my theory on why he has trouble with his weight, all the food for allergic kids in this country is low fat!!!

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soapbox · 18/10/2005 22:42

YM - I think you are probably treating him as a bit older than he actually is IYSWIM.

13 mo to me is tiny, tiny, tiny a real baby still. I think what you describe is how you would treat a much older child - perhaps 18-24 months.

It will come in time - but really he is too little to have even teh remotest idea what you are on about

bakabat · 18/10/2005 22:43

The carrying thing may reduce now he's crawling. DS3 needed to be carried a lot when younger (really until he could sit well) then he was whingy until he started crawling.

I have the advantage that ds3 likes to be around people- but he counts being in his playpen with his brothers in the room as being around people so they keep him happy. Also we have a rocky pot thing in the kitchen that he can go in and be in the midst of things. (its like a baby walker except it doesn't move- just rocks)

Original poster

yowlingmonster · 18/10/2005 22:43

thanks bakabat, we have tried the oesteopathy but didnt seem to make a lot of difference, that was in the early days though so may be worth retrying.

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Original poster

yowlingmonster · 18/10/2005 22:45

soapbox thats what I want to know am I expecting too much, is it actually ok to keep carrying him around if this is what he needs?

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soapbox · 18/10/2005 22:48

YM - yes - if I'm being honest - I think you are expecting too much.

Somethings you can start to work on - like not waking up a sparrow's fart - but don't expect immediate results!

I could give you the old line of 'they aren't little for long so enjoy them while you can' but it used to give me a fit of the screaming ab dabs so I won't

bakabat · 18/10/2005 22:48

I do agree with soapbox- he's only little so don't expect too much. I;d wrk on trying to find safe areas where you can put him down/in whilst being aorund him. I;ll see if I can find a link to our rocky thing.

here we go

I bought something similar to this for ds2- as it was a way of leeping him safe from ds1 out of the playpen- he loved it and ds3 does now. You may be able to pick one up 2nd hand (or if you've having more- buy it anyway and then use with the next one!)

Original poster

yowlingmonster · 18/10/2005 22:52

thanks for that sb, ppl keep telling me that he is just doing it for attention and it is incredibly draining not putting him down, dinner time is the worst (isnt it always) I try to cook his tea while he naps and our tea when he is in bed (I know I know he should have the same as us but dont go there please, food is a whole other issue). I do think he is a delight and try to enjoy him in the good moments but since he was born most of the good moments have been when he is asleep. Though having said that he is generally absolutely excellent when out and about.

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bakabat · 19/10/2005 08:58

he sounds like he's easily bored- try and go out and about as much as possible

re the carrying thing- I would happily carry ds3 if that is what he wanted- I don't because it knackers my back now (he's big)- but I wouldn't not do it for any spoiling crap that people spout about babies.

and as for eating. If my kids had to wait for dh to get homw from work to eat they'd be gnawing their arm off. I cook 3 different meals for them- accomodating different sets of restrictions/special meals anyway.

YM- you sound quite worried about whether you're doing the "right" thing. There is no right or wrong- whatever works for your family is right.

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