It's not even 9am and DS1 is driving me insane.

[ttalloo]

He's four next week, and his behaviour has been diabolical for the last couple of weeks: he doesn't listen; he's awful to his little brother; he throws appalling tantrums, kicking and screaming, when he doesn't get his way; he's destructive and rude; and doesn't stop whinging and whining.

I think part of it is because he hasn't been sleeping well - he's waking up at least three times a night to use the loo or to say that he's scared - and perhaps because of over-excitement due to his birthday coming up. He has a cold now, which probably doesn't help either.

Whatever it is, the result is that I've been shouty, angry and grumpy mummy for the last fortnight, and DS1 and I have locked ourselves into a vicious cycle where the angrier I get, the worse his behaviour is, and vice versa.

I can't face the thought of another 10.5 hours to go till bedtime, not to mention tomorrow to get through as well, with everyone's nerves shredded by the fact that DS1 is being so difficult, and DH and I aren't handling it well.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal calmly with DS1's behaviour, and get him back to how he used to be (i.e. cheerful and cheeky)? I used to be reasonably chilled and saved shouting for major misbehaviour, but I seem to be shouting at him every five minutes now, and to no effect. I get to the end of every day, and think it's a miracle I haven't smacked him.

Oh, my sympathies! My DD will be 4 in a month and is the same.

Although it is really hard to do, can you try to take a deep breath and try to praise him for something positive that he does (however small).

It will be really hard to do at first, but you will find that if you can praise some small, positive things and try to ignore the negative things, then it will break the cycle. Your DS will see he's getting more attention for good behaviour than for negative and should then display more positive behaviour.

I went through this with my son at a similar age, it does take a fair amount of deep breathing and taking a step back at first as it will take a week or so for him to get back to his cheerful cheeky self.

Sorry that was a bit of an essay

Getting out is usually better than staying in.
Drop your expectations of what else you can achieve when he's around, and give him more attention.
I know it's hard, my 4yos have put me into tears, before.

thanks to both of you -

fairylights, I'll try to be more positive towards him; I think all he hears at the moment is a wall of negative noise, which is probably why he doesn't listen. It's just very hard when he throws a wobbly over the least thing, or snatches his brother's toys. How long did your DS take before he reverted to his less taxing self?

ragged, you make an interesting point about dropping my expectations of what I can achieve when he's around - I don't think I do give him enough attention. Whenever we are at home together I think I'm always preparing a meal, clearing up after one, hanging out washing, tidying up - basically anything other than sitting down and giving him attention. I'm not obsessive about housework but I can't stand being surrounded by mess; having said that I have a better tolerance for that than DS1's current behaviour, so I'll try letting go of the need to get the house straight, and try playing with him instead.