Playdate didn't go well - am I expecting too much from my 5.5 yo?

[mammabelleboo]

Took dd and her 4yo schoolfriend to the cinema today to see Tangled. Her friend got a bit scared and so I had to leave with her halfway thro the film leaving dh and dd to watch the remainder. When she came out of the cinema dd had a face like a thundercloud and sulked cos we didn't watch the whole film. I explained her friend was a little bit scared and she seemed to accept this.

We then went to the park for a play on the swings - dd bacame jealous of us helping her friend on the play equipment and accused her dad of loving her friend more than her!!(dd is an only and isn't used to having to share us, I guess). We had real tears and tantrums over this - I explained that friend's mum and dad weren't there and so she was relying on us to keep her safe and well and we had to look out for her too.

We then went to MacDonalds for lunch. By this time dd had gone totally quiet on her little friend and really, once we left the cinema, hardly uttered a word to her.....except on leaving MacDonalds when she told her that we were going to "put her in a dungeon" . Little friend looked really worried and scared - hence me having to reassure her and tell dd off for being so nasty.

I suppose it's all normal stuff (is it? Or do I have a right madam on my hands). Am so as deep down I knew she'd misbehave. She can be so bossy and sometimes nasty to her friends - I think she does it to try and assert some sort of authority (she is one of the older ones in her year) but I am so fed up with her behaviour and approach playdates with trepidation. When does their behaviour improve? I think a lot of is it borne out of being an only and not knowing how to share her things and our attention.

Was so disappointed today as it wasn't a cheap day and i guess i feel let down by her - we put 100 per cent into it and she showed me up as unkind, uncommunicative and ungrateful. Bet her friend was glad to get home to her mum and dad .

As a consequence, i don't want to be in the same room as her this afternoon - I know that's wrong, but am so tired of her behaviour that sometimes, I just need space after these episodes - of course, she probably sees it as rejection which I know won't help. Thanks, rant over.

That's a shame. But please don't dwell too much. As long as you emphasised that was no way to treat her pal and if she wants friends to enjoy time with her she needs to behave better than that.

Perhaps it was a bit much and stick to house playdates and build up to a day out if she behaves well.

I don't think being an only has too much to do with it, DD is our only child and loves to share with friends, in fact is much better than her friends who have siblings at including and sharing!

Oh dear! 4 is a bit little to go by herself to a playdate I suppose - maybe if her mum was there too it would have helped the situation.

Kids always manage to completely balls up anything that you have lovingly planned! She probably really liked the idea of the playdate but the reality was that another child was getting 'her' attention!

Normal behaviour, I suppose. I suppose you could work on the whole 'sharing' behaviour and talk (with her within earshot) of someone at work who didn't share/behave well/was nasty to someone else and how they made you feel sad (oh that old trick works well) so you aren't criticising her behaviour directly. She should get the message. When is she old enough for Brownies or something like that? With a mixed age range, she will soon learn to mix well (especially if she is one of the younger ones).

I think playdates are hard for kids of this age. We went through a phase when dd said that she just didn´t want playdates. In my own limited experience, the only children do sometimes feel more in competition with the friends for parent´s attention. But your explanation at the swings sounds spot on and the only antidote for this is more playdates, I fear! I get the impression that it has helped my dd to have a regular playdate with a particular friend ... then they get to "practice" at having playdates in a fairly safe situation - the friend knows me well enough etc. etc.