4 yo DD terrible moods/anger/frustration, just want to know if it is normal please

[doodleloo]

My 4 yo DD seems to loose it with anger regularly, something small (dropping her apple) can trigger her to scream with frustration. She says she is 'angry with herself'. Recently while she was in timeout she ripped apart a favouriter teddy bear! It hasn't happened for a little while, but she has bitten and pinched herself before. :(

Often, she looses it for really no reason, it will be something like putting her shoes on, dropping a pen, not being able to find the right doll, that starts it all off.

She makes this screaming / wailing / crying noise that is so awful if you heard it you would think she had seriously hurt herself. It terrifies her younger brother. (and me frankly). I talk to her all the time, ask her why she feels that way, and ask her to use her words to ask for help when she needs it etc, she can comminicate very well with words when she wants to, but her first reaction is to melt down with anger. When she is in control of her moods she is generally a happy, bright girl. Her pre-school have not reported any problems.

Is it normal? I worry more as I come from a family with a background of depression / mental health issues that there is something wrong.

My dd used to have trouble calming herself down when she was upset so I set about helping her to do it. I would speak in a quiet voice and tell her to breath etc. I don't know if it helped but she has calmed down a lot.

I read something once about colours/anger. In that you teach them to say which colour (anger) they are feeling. Or something like that.

Sorry, as I was writing this I was aware it was pretty useless!

I think it must be an age thing, my DD is 4 in April and can be like this. I do the same as solooovely and try to help her calm down by talking to her calmly and sometimes holding her until she calms down, but mostly i wanted you to know that you are not alone!

People talk about the terrible twos, but I have found that my dc all went through a difficult phase around 4/ 4.5. Tantrums, very grumpy, flying off the handle if anyone looks at them. Both ds were like this and now the third is like this at the minute, nightmare. It will pass.

same as eddiemccready. Loads of threads on here about rambunctious 4 yr olds ...

Sounds absolutely normal to me and as if you are doing all the right things. It will get better - promise!!

Thanks for your replies, I have taken a look through at some of the 4 year old threads on here and feel more assured that it is reasonably normal! Once I felt smug that I passed the terrible twos with reasonably few problems. If only I knew how bad 3 and 4 would be! Have bought some of the books recommended on other threads, playful parenting, how to talk so they will listen and toddler taming. Just need to get the time to read them!

IMO we tend to think that at 4 they should be grown up 'they're not babies any more' etc. but they find it hard to control themselves all the time understandably; maybe they also feel guilt at loosing it...

IMO they need reassurance that they are loved unconditionally.With low blood sugar, tiredness or intolerance to wheat or sugar we can all be grumpy at some time or another can't we?