putting two little ones to bed - help!

[danielle1973]

i have two children, a boy of 3 and little girl of 2. at bedtime i read them stories and then lie in bed with them until they got to sleep . some nights this works ok, other nights they set each other off and are jumping around or running up and down the corridor for an hour or more.
i would love some advice on putting them to bed. for a start i would like to read to them and then leave the room without waiting for them to got to sleep. i want them to go to sleep without me being there the whole time. its hard to separate them as i am putting them to bed on my own, i have a husband but he works nights so is not around at bed time. any help would be so appreciated

That sounds hard on you, it must take up a good bit of your evening. I suspect they are playing up a little because your DH is not there and they know it is easier to play up when you're on your own (mine do it)

My DS2 used to want me to sit with him until he went to sleep and I broke the habit first sitting by his bed, then when he was used to that I'd sit a little further away, then I would sit by his bedroom door (reading a book ), then just around the corner so he could still hear me etc. It took a month or so before I could leave him totally (although I still had to slide down the bannisters so he didn't hear the stairs creak when I went downstairs ) A long game but worth it.

Would some kind of reward chart help too? For each night they go to bed nicely they could have a small treat and if they manage perhaps 5 nights in a week they could have a larger one? It works for my 3 year old DD (for poo on toilet, not sleep), I have a bag of little treats (sparkly beads, fairy wands, small toys - all well under £5) which she gets to choose from at the end of the week if she gets enough stickers on the chart.

I hope some of that helps

thanks so much, the moving away slowly idea sounds perfect. it does take forever getting them to bed, and i work as well as a designer so then end up working till midnight and beyond. i basically need to reclaim some time! thanks for your help xxx

Good luck with it, I hope it works for you! Not having enough time for yourself is one of the harder things as a parent, especially when you have work to do to!

danielle you are in exactly the same position as I am, just mine are now 4 and 3 (DS and DD).

they share a bedroom. We have a routine where they have a bath, change, have stories with me in their room - we negotiate which stories and have a pile so they know exactly how many we have to get through. When we get to the last book I say so, that after the book finishes we'll sing lullabyes and its time to get into bed to sleep.

Most nights this is fine. if they're super tired, sometimes its easier sometimes its more fractious. I did for a long time lay on the floor til they fell asleep (or until one of them did) and then crept out. Now I say that I'll be back to check on them, and I do - I got to our bedroom next door and read / whathaveyou and pop back in. If they get up, i take them straight back to bed, tuck in, reassure etc.

I don't allow jumping about at bed time or any toys in the bedroom that aren't books or soft toys - it limits distractions / chances for them hurting themselves and they are good about following these minor rules now. Its taken a long time reinforcing them and i think I did spend a lot more time when they were 2 and three snoring on their floor than I do now - but it felt like the ground work, if that makes any sense.

If things ever get truly out of hand, I would ask one to sit on their bed and read a story while I brushed teeth with the other one in the bathroom etc - I don't know if that helps at all, if they start to wind each other up.

Sticking to the same time each night and the routine has helped. If its too early or too late, its more problematic.

I've rambled. Hope vaguely helpful.

My method is slightly different from the norm, but it works very well for us. so i thought i would mention it.

i have dd1 who is 5, ds who is 3 and dd2 who is 2.

I get them all ready for bed downstairs. we then have a cuddle and milk while watch one episode of peppa pig. Then go upstairs to toilet etc and straight into their beds. I put dd2 in her bed while other 2 climb in, then go over and tuck them up. Then just leave the room. they have a night light on, music playing and door open. I tell them i am going down to cook and eat my tea and then i will come back up and check on them.

They normally murmour to each other for a min or 2, but never get out of their beds and are always asleep within 10-15 mins. sometimes ds calls down for me and i go and give him cuddle and drink but he was still cosleeping until dec due to health issues.

They are then all settled and sleepy without the hype of books! we tried going up and reading to them last thing and it was a diaster. disagreements over which books. who got them etc. This works alot better for us as it is stress free. When i go up to bed i shut their door (fire safety) and have a monitor next to bed. (old house, thick walls and doors)

it is a different way and may not suit you, but worth a mention.

Do you never read them books amyjo22 or just not at night? My children LOVE books - its a huge part of our day and our bedtime.

When my boys were small we only read one story at bedtime, they took it in turns to choose each night. Now they are older they get a chapter of their book (currently Narnia) and DD gets one of her books (she's 3). We read in the daytime too though!

I wonder if reading lots of stories at bedtime over excites them rather than helping them wind down?

depends on the child (and the story, I expect). Mine visibly calm and get sleepy by about the 5th bedtime story.

My dc love books, as do i. we have 2 shelves downsatirs which they help themselves to and a book case upstairs of special ones that i read to them. we have stories every day. but we dont have them as calming when there are 3 of them all close in age and wanting different things etc.