Really need some advice- 9.5 month old

[paprika]

I am starting to get concerned about my 9.5 month old DS. Some of you might think this a bit ridiculous but I just feel he doesn't communicate with me or imitate/ copy things. He still doesn't wave bye-bye even though we've been waving at him for at least 2 months. No clapping either. He only answers to his name about 20% of the time (when there's nothing better to do than look at Mummy basically) though I'm not really concerned there's a hearing problem. I would say he's pretty laid back but fairly stubborn! Everything is certainly on his terms, food especially! On the plus side, he loves cuddles and to smile and laugh. He can crawl and is trying to pull up. He babbles (not as much as I'd like him to but certainly on a daily basis). He loves to play with toys and doesn't get transfixed on one toy for an hour etc.

I'm probably coming across as over anxious but the lack of non-verbal communication is really worrying me. His response to me waving, for example, is to smile and sometimes flap his arms in excitement. It doesn't seem to cross his mind that he could copy.

Thanks for any help in advance x

my son couldn't wave until he was 17 months old, and only started claping around the same time

he still only answers to his name about 20% of the time - I think he has developed male selective hearing at an early age - if you are worried about his hearing, ask to have it tested

i don't think any baby at 9-10 months gets transfixed on a toy for a long period of time - maybe a minute or so, and then onto the next thing

so, to me, your son sounds fairly, well, normal

what did they say at his 8 month check?

Thanks for your quick response KB. Yes, I'm pleased he doesn't get obsessed with the same toy for hours.

At the check, the HV's big concern was that he can't eat any lumpy/ finger foods without vomiting! The hospital aren't worried though as he is doing well with weight/height.

hello

my friends little boy is turned two last month and he only start making sounds not even words about 4 months ago. he still does not talk and can say da da, cot - never really heard him say anything else.

he also walked very late, never crawled and only recently started to make eye contact.

he is just a slow developer, he loves books and will point out anything you ask. so he understands everything you say - just does not really communicate back.

my friend is not worried and i am not either as although is has developed so slowly you can see he is getting there and there are differences every other week.

if you are worried than speak with your hv - sounds like your baby is fine.

this little boy probably started to wave only end of last year.

are you worried for any reason? ds3 is 9 months. He's started to clap in the last couple of weeks, but doesn't wave bye bye or do anything else you've mentioned. He is high risk for autism (75 times more likely than for joe public if I've remembered the figures correctly) and I'm not worried about him yet. Will know for sure within the next 6 months anyway so I'm not wasting energy now.

How often do you try to attract his attention? You're much better off following his attention and commenting on what he's already looking at rather than trying to direct him.

bakabat- yes, autism is the worry here. I think I am just worried that he doesn't really seem to grasp the concept of copying any gestures, i.e. thinks what I'm doing is great but doesn't attempt it himself. He will only answer to his name when HE wants to! Stubborness (he certainly has this in his nature) or something more worrying? I do all the running commentary stuff.

Of course, the eating probs we're having are quite severe and stressful. Gets you thinking- I know the gagging thing can be another autistic trait. Then again, he's never been that great with milk either...

paprika - my friend's son did the gagging thing at that age - turned out to be reflux which he grew out of by the age of 1

Hi, my ds was 9 months last week and he doesnt clap or wave bye bye, doesnt crawl or pull himself up. He bum shuffles and pulls himself along the floor with his hands. (leaving legs behind!)
I really wouldnt worry, it sounds to me that your LO is developing at his own pace. I used to worry about my ds not crawling, but over the last few days he is trying to get onto his knees.
Chat to your HV if you are concerned.

well ds3 gags all the time on his food, so did ds2 at 9 months - their severely autistic elder brother didn't- the difference being he had molars. Incidentally both ds2 and ds3 have had reflux so that could have comtributed as well- but I think teeth were the biggest difference.

Very early to be copying gestures. ds3 has just started to copy behaviours- eg he throws all his toys with the same wrist action that ds1 uses to throw everything he touches. He's basing his play behavoour on him (same as ds2 used to sniff books at a year old) But the only gesture ds3 does is clapping- and only very recently. He also copies things like patting on the table.

As I said - ds3 is very high risk for autism (he would be an ideal subject in an expt where you wanted to look for signs in infancy as he is so much more likely to be autistic than an average child on the street). He sounds very similar to your ds and I'm not worried.

Young babies don't turn to their name all the time. Their attention is still fairly single channeled at the moment I think. DS3 doesn't turn to his name all the time.

Unless there are risk factors the chances of him being autistic are pretty remote.

"i.e. thinks what I'm doing is great but doesn't attempt it himself"

Well I think you can rule out autism. DS1 always liked a cuddle (and 9 months was before regression) but getting him interested in anything I did was (and still is) bloody hard work.

Thanks everyone, I do feel a little more reassured.

Mumfor1sttime- Your DS sounds similar. My DS only started crawling at the 9 month mark too.

bakabat- thanks for the insight. The other thing I forgot to say is that he never puts his hands up to be lifted up . It's ringing alarm bells here. Do all children do this? If he really wants to get up he will touch my hands if I hold my hands out to him but never instigates first.
I think the gagging thing is a separate issue- it's pretty severe. We have projectile vomit once a day on average, so haven't progressed beyond purees!

the vomiting sounds like it could be reflux. DS3 is getting better but been like that until very recently. I gave up on his main course at lunchtime today after he'd vomited it back up at me twice before we were even quarter of the way through.

The arms in the air? He's still very little. DS3 raises them a bit= not hugely obviously. I can tell you that severely autistic ds1 was very good at raising his hands in the air- used to do it when in his cot, so I don't pay much attention to it tbh.

yep, it's reflux. He's on meds but it has a v. limited effect. The communication thing worries me more tbh. I keep hoping he's just a stubborn little thing! He's certainly very cheeky . I think I'm going to drive myself mad waiting for waving/ pointing etc!!!

Paprika, My DS who's 11mths, never puts his arms out to be picked up. I don't think you should worry about that in itself. I'm almost sure DS isn't autistic as he's now pointing. (I'm sure Bakabat would back me up on that)
Someone once told me that DS showed autistic traits. After that I began to 'see' all sorts of signs. It drives you insane.

All you can do is try to enjoy him and not worry until you really do see something worrying. I know it isn't easy.

All children show signs (and yep if he's pointing forget autism) of autism at times. DS2 was fantastic at linging up cars- something that ds1 has never done. Autism is just a collection of behaviours. It's what elese they';re doing that's important.

homemama and bakabat, I'm trying not to get obsessed by the not waving and raising arms. I would just like to see some kind of initiating his needs/ communicating. He does sometimes turn round to look for me if, for example, he's been hurt by another child and is crying...is this a start? Sometimes I think he does copy me- when looking at a book and I feel the fluffy dog (or whatever) he sometimes (50% of times) touches it after me. Also plays banging 2 things together with me. If I stop banging and stay 'stop', he will too. Then I start banging and say 'bang, bang, bang', he does too. I am really sounding neurotic I know!! Just wondering if this kind of thing is positive or whether it indicates nothing!

Paprika, I would say that touching something after you've touched it is copying in a 9.5mth old. This is certainly how my DS started to copy. I then tried to encourage him by banging a block off the table then handing it to him to do the same. At first he just looked at me like I was mad then one day he just copied. If he's copying you touching and banging then I would say he's def. copying.

I would say that the coppying is a good sign as it shows interaction. (although I'm neither qualified nor an expert) I would also say that the looking for you when he's hurt is also a good sign. Does he notice when you leave the room? This would also be good but there's still time for that to develop.

I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong but I would try to encourage the reaching out by putting interesting things within his sight but just out of reach. Also encourage the pointing by pointing yourself at bushes and trees and anything else you're looking at whilst out walking. Check if he follows your point, as this should start to reassure you.

As I said, others on here can give you much more qualified or experienced advice. I just know what it's like to suddenly start worrying.
HTH

BTW, don't worry about sounding neurotic; that's what this board is for!

homemama, thanks for your post . I think with the copying thing, I don't feel confident he's starting to do it because he doesn't do it all the time. This makes me think the times he does copy is just 'cos he fancies doing the same and not that he's truly copying. Oh god, that does sound so neurotic but I this is seriously how I feel...!

He doesn't follow a point but definitely reaches for things desperately and will crawl to them etc. If I go out the room, he quite often crawls to follow me, but other times quite happy to be left alone- he certainly wouldn't cry etc. but he's not a crying type at all anyway. He's quite a serious baby which is worrying. Lately when we've been to groups he seems overwhelmed for the first 30 mins or so and doesn't even respond much to me, just wants to cuddle. He then seems to 'warm up' and go and explore. I'm obviously analysing everything like crazy at the moment. I'll stop rambling now!

Hi paprika. Reading your posts has really concerned me! My boy is also 9.5 months old and he seems less advanced than yours. He does not crawl, does not clap, does not point, does not wave, does not imitate at all. He smiles a lot at me, loves playing peek-a-boo, takes hold of this well and appears to have good hand-eye coordination, but his mobility is not good, he just likes sitting and picking things that are within reach.
I think my boy is behind and I am just praying that he is just a slow developer and does not have a neurological problem. I have an app with the GP later today to discuss.

gracej- he's a baby- he's not a slow developer he's right on track. There's huge variation in things like crawling (which isn't even used for development checks because of that). Please don't worry.

I can't see anything in Paprika's posts that would concern me either. Her ds sounds like my ds3 - who is high risk for autism (75 times more likely than normal) and I'm not concerned about him.

Gracej- I'm so, so sorry if I've worried you with my posts. Hopefully your GP will put your mind at rest this afternoon. Unfortunately these boards are a bit of a double edged sword: great for information but sometimes you can read too much and worry terribly iykwim. Incase you hadn't picked up on it before, I'm a born worrier and unfortunately it does spoil my enjoyment of DS at times as I am scrutinising things. I am a teacher and have reassured parents on lots of issues so many times but can I take reassurance myself...!

Bakabat is right. Crawling isn't even a milestone. My DS only crawled at 9 months. I think as long as they're mobile in some fashion by a year then that is great. Otherwise our boys sound the same. I will always worry about things, especially pointing but my DS has never met milestones early so I'm sure this has a knock on effect with waving/ gesturing etc. It is good advice to enjoy them lots as they are a lovely age.

Hi paprika,
please don't think that my worries are your fault, not at all, I was worried about DS development before reading your posts (that is why I started reading these discussions). I think it is extremely useful to know about other babies so please continue.
Based on your commments I think you have nothing to worry about, your boy seems to be developing very well.
I went to the GP and he agrees that on the motor skill side of things DS is a little behind, so we are going to keep an eye. He said that it does not matter if the baby is developing slowly as long as he is making progress. So I am going to start taking note of all the things DS does in order to compare month by month.
I will keep a positive mind!

I'm glad your GP apt went well . It certainly makes sense that as long as they are making progress then all is well. I think a lot is down to personality etc.

Hi Paprika. I think our babies are similar age and I remember you mentioning the clapping/waving thing on a thread when I was fretting about something or other the other week (Lily was norn New Year's Eve btw.

Lily still doesn't wave or clap but I'm not too worried yet. Pointing I think comes much later so I'm definately not worried about that.

From what you've described it sounds like he is copying you in some things. Lily doesn't imitate actions yet but she's just started posting shapes in a shape sorter if we show her which holes they go in. All she's doing is copying us but I think she's latched on to that because it's bright and colourful and she's always played with it - I mean long before she knew what it was for. I think it's just more interesting to her than something a bit abstract like waving.

Does your ds have any toys he likes that you could see if he can use in a copying fashion ? Just wondered if that would put your mind at rest. You could try clapping when he gets things right too & see if he copies (mind you we've been doing that with Lily for a few weeks now and she doesn't clap back, just grins a massive grin!)

I wouldn't get too concerned about the waving and clapping, lots of babies can't do it before a year.

Put a video camera on a bookcase or tripod and video 3 hours of normal interaction with your ds. Store it away and watch it in a month's time. You will spot lots of imitation and communication that you didn't see at the time.

I am always amazed when I watch old videos of ds at how much he was trying to say and we just couldn't see it.

I run music classes for babies of this age and I notice all sorts of things their mothers don't (and I wouldn't have spotted with my own ds).