Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

finger picking

10 replies

sevenkeystomysoul · 23/02/2011 22:32

In the last couple of months, my 3.5yo DD has started picking at her fingers, ripping bits of skin and causing them to bleed. She's a very confident and secure child, so I don't think it's a sign of nervousness, possibly more learned behaviour (I do it Blush but am very conscious now of not doing it it front of her), or even something genetic, if there is such a thing as a 'picking gene', as all my family are nail biters, pickers. Most of the time she doesn't seem aware she's doing it. For example, I told her off for doing it this morning, and five minutes later, she was sitting watching TV, picking at her fingers again. She seemed totally shocked when I shouted asked her forcefully to STOP PICKING HER FINGERS. Today, I had to fill out an accident form at nursery because she'd been, yep, sitting there quite happily at story time, picking her finger until it started bleeding. She knows she shouldn't do it, knows she won't get kisses better or plasters when it's self-inflicted, knows that if she stops picking, mummy will paint her nails with the sparkly nail varnish she craves, but she still won't, or can't stop. Any advice? I hate seeing her little fingers all sore, and hate having to be constantly telling her off for doing it.

OP posts:
Pheebe · 24/02/2011 07:48

DS2 (3yo) started to do this recently with his thumbs. Its not learnt from us at all but he had a bit of hanging skin and it just spiralled from there until he didn't realise he's doing it.

We emphasised how sore it was making his thumbs (told him over and over but with a sympathetic rather than cross tone), put plasters on for him and made a joke of 'no more picking' followed by a raspberry on his neck or tummy. Basically we tried to get him to think about it more and in a negative way (its hurting me, I need to stop).

It's taken about 3 months but he seems to have stopped and we now have a routine at bedtime where we check and clip nails, check for bits of skin and pop a bit of 'special' cream on.

hope that helps

plipplops · 24/02/2011 08:14

Sounds like your DD is much worse than mine, she picks hers and they look really sore (she tends to pull of hanging bits of nail). If we see her doing it we just say "don't do that or it'll bleed", and she usually stops. I don't think she really knows she's doing it but it must be so painful. Sorry I don't think that was very helpful but want you to know you're not alone...

Peanuts33 · 24/02/2011 11:59

DS now 7 used to pick his fingers all the time until they bled. Thank god he has now grown out of it and doesnt do it anymore but he did do it for a good couple of years.

One good thing that helped was to put an oil based emolient on them to stop them getting dry. Something like vaseline or diprobase.

mistressploppy · 24/02/2011 12:18

I do this and I worry about DS picking up the habit (no pun intended!)

I have stopped at times - before our wedding, and while travelling (worried about grubby hands!). I think you're on the right track with incentives, but maybe she needs something else to fiddle with - worry beads? Grin

I do it a lot less when I'm busy, so keeping her hands occupied might help.

Original poster
sevenkeystomysoul · 25/02/2011 00:18

Thanks for the replies. Today she got very distressed when she picked and started bleeding all over her hands. I cleaned her up and put cream and a plaster on, and she kept telling her finger to 'close' and asking me 'when's it going to close mummy? I want it to close now' Sad. When she'd calmed down, I explained (again) how much she was hurting herself, how it was her own fault that she had bled and how she had to stop doing it and she agreed. Then tonight she did it again Hmm. Think this morning had shaken her up a bit though as she came and showed me what she'd done before it started bleeding. She really doesn't seem to realise what she's doing until it hurts or bleeds. Am going to try painting her nails tomorrow and see if that stops her.

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 25/02/2011 00:21

3.9yo dd does this. It's habit for her, she genuinely doesn't notice until I mention it. I'm just reminding and reminding and reminding.

Valpollicella · 25/02/2011 00:34

As a life long 'picker' I can kind of remember being that age and doing the same. I still do it now, and it annoys the hell out of me! I don't even realise I'm doing it - as I didn't then.

The only time I can try to curb it is keeping my hands so moisturised that I don't get any rough little bits that can be 'got at'

I'm not sure how practical this is for a 3yo though...

tryingtoleave · 25/02/2011 10:06

I'm a picker, although I don't go so far, and so is DD. I can't really see why it is a problem. DH is a chewer- probably most people have funny habits.

worriermum · 26/02/2011 20:43

DS went through a stage of picking his fingers and tearing at his nails (below the nail line!!) at around five/six. He's stopped it now (at 7). But the best advice I had was to accept that I couldn't nag or scold him out of it. Whatever your feelings about what your DD is doing (and I can imagine what they are, because I know how DS's habit used to upset me)it's only your DD herself who can stop it, not you or anyone else.

For what it's worth, my advice would be to stop modelling the behaviour ie give up your own habit, which might not be so easy. And secondly, back off so that your DS has to face the fact that the person being hurt is her, not you. My advice is to let it go (hard as I know that is) and wait out this phase, as calmly and lovingly as possible, and have faith that the finger picking will stop.

Finally, I do believe that the finger picking in my DS was a result of some tension and anxiety. I accept that your DD is a 'happy and secure person' but it still be worth considering what was going on when she started the finger picking, and to think about anything that may be causing her anxiety now.

HTH

worriermum · 26/02/2011 20:44

DS went through a stage of picking his fingers and tearing at his nails (below the nail line!!) at around five/six. He's stopped it now (at 7). But the best advice I had was to accept that I couldn't nag or scold him out of it. Whatever your feelings about what your DD is doing (and I can imagine what they are, because I know how DS's habit used to upset me)it's only your DD herself who can stop it, not you or anyone else.

For what it's worth, my advice would be to stop modelling the behaviour ie give up your own habit, which might not be so easy. And secondly, back off so that your DS has to face the fact that the person being hurt is her, not you. My advice is to let it go (hard as I know that is) and wait out this phase, as calmly and lovingly as possible, and have faith that the finger picking will stop.

Finally, I do believe that the finger picking in my DS was a result of some tension and anxiety. I accept that your DD is a 'happy and secure person' but it still be worth considering what was going on when she started the finger picking, and to think about anything that may be causing her anxiety now.

HTH

New posts on this thread. Refresh page