Sending to room as a punishment

[shakeyjakey]

I have an 8yr old son who is very well behaved but has a real issue with eating and although is fussy even makes mealtimes difficult at times when there's food he has eaten before (chicken breast, 5 peas and a potato)

The other day, after not eating dinner he's eaten before he went directly to bed as a consequence and faced the remains in the morning and when he ate the chicken without tackling the 2 remaining peas and potato he was sent to his room, where he remained for 3 hours.

All this was done with high tone, no mood, no aggression. He was checked on regularly and was taken some drinks. We then went out for an hour, he had another drink, we had some fun and when we came back he was back to his room for half an hour while I prepared what he selected from a favoured choice, salmon (served with two peas and a potato obviously).

He obviously knew he was being punished, but as a sense check, did I overstep the mark and would anyone consider these sort of actions to get results?

Any other suggestions would be welcomed.

My mum used to do this to me.

I have had eating problems for 21 years.

Whatever the "crime" is there should be one punishment. In the instance of not eating evening meal he went to bed early. It should end there. Bringing out the meal again is another punishment and then being banished is yet another punishment.

Please stop!

I have a fussy eater (well 2 but 1 has other issues so....) We make sure there is something he likes on every plate and there is no pressure to finish a meal. We always have fruit available but other than that we don't do snacks. There is no negotiation or bribery, he either eats what he can or he is hungry.

SOrry x posted many times while i thought about posting

I felt sad about this post too. Having a fussy eater is very hard work (I have an eight-year-old one too). He too suddenly refuses to eat the very limited things that he has eaten in the past, and it's very annoying to go to the effort of cooking stuff that just gets thrown away.

But - big but - let it go. If my DS doesn't eat what's on offer, it is made clear to him that there's no alternative choice, and that if he's hungry that's too bad. Then we move on. There are some things that he will reliably eat (all salad, bread, pickled onions ), so I sometimes serve those along with whatever else we're eating - just so that he's eating something along with us. I think it's the communal eating thing that matters, not whether plates are cleared.

I do have an easy-going personality and don't naturally get stressed by this kind of thing (in any case, with an Aspergers child, I have bigger fish to fry) - but I'd say that however stressy you are, any kind of food issue is to be avoided at all costs. DS has recently tried potato after eight years of being presented with it; he ate a tiny bit and said it was 'okay'. I was happy, and briefly congratulated him for trying it. Most people get there in the end, but I think it needs gentle handling. I was never an adventurous eater as a child, but now I eat pretty much anything.

(I don't agree with bedrooms as punishment zones either, but that's probably by-the-by - I think the food thing is more important here).

Awwwwww. Maybe he wasn't that hungry or didn't fancy it for some reason? Do you ever not fancy food? Not eating is hardly a crime. It can be a concern, but generally without pressure most kids will eat.

I agree not offering alternatives and no pudding if no main course but that's about it.

Make meal times not about the food but about the company. I have a rule that you don't have to eat anything if you don't want to but you have to sit and chat while others eat until the end of the meal.

yes paperview mentioned something i had meant to say too
always make sure there is something he will eat on the plate.

in fact, to start with you need to make sure that most of it is stuff he will eat. it soundws like you're doing that already, with only have 2 peas etc. but you need to do it consistently.
so a plate of stuff he will eat, and then one tiny bit of new stuff

sorry, another thing about rewarding it is that if he is feeling under a lot of pressure he may not want the attention
if he feels that when he eats you'll al cheer and jump up and find stickers that might be just as off-putting as knowing that there will be a punishment if you don't eat, iyswim?

Mealtimes are often a chore with my DS, especially in the evening when he is tired. I can understand your frustration. I simply explain that this is what is for tea, if he doesn't want it, we will not substitute it with chocolate buttons and such like. I guess that from posting on here, you felt that your actions were harsh to say the least; there are some excellent suggestions such as writing a list of what he likes, letting him help to prepare meals and putting a selection of dishes on the table. Please bear with him; children are notoriously fussy at this age, but it will get better.
As for using the bedroom as punishment, this is a massive no no in my book; my DS's bedroom is his space, he adores playing and reading in his room and I would never compromise that...

thisisyesterday - Moi?!? I get on with everybody Cheers for your ideas though as I am going to use some of them as well. The sooner my kids take over from me in the kitchen the better!

Agree with most of what has been said.

No punishment or reward with food - let him suggest stuff; offer food, let him refuse / go hungry if he does.

I found letting DCs serve themselves even if it is taking one of everything means at least they have chosen that and therefore more likely to eat it.

I actually think 3 hours in room and served a cold dinner for breakfast is horrible.

Oh and well done on being so gracious in taking on board the suggestions rather than throwing a strop and taking them as criticism of your parent as many posters would have

Agree, CC.

Thank you everyone, very helpful.

I can guess it's quite addictive this mumsnet site.