feel victimised by LO!

[mrsSOAK]

Hello,

I could really do with some advice please.
My gorgeous little girl is turning into a vicious bully. She is 17 months.
At bedtime we sit in her quiet darkened room, daddy reads her a story whilst she lies in my arms having her bottle and all is fine, once she finishes her bottle we burp her and cuddle into a blanket ready for sleep, at this point she will smack, pinch, scratch, hair pull and generally be vicious towards me. When she does it I remove her hand (from my hair or face or where ever) and tell her not to do that and she laughs at me. When she does it, Daddy takes her away from me and tells her not to do that, that its not nice and she is generally quite upset at being taken away from me. After a short while he gives her back and it starts all over again. She never behaves this way for her daddy and certainly doesn't do this at nursery. Only to me. I am on antid's and generally feel like I am struggling to cope with ordinary things without bursting into tears and DD's behaviour sometimes feels like too much to bare.
Please advise me how to deal with this behaviour, I am very worried that she might start behaving like this to someone else.
TIA

As soon as she starts, try putting her in bed and both of you just calmly walking away, closing the door behind you. When she realises she isn't getting attention/ reaction it will hopefully stop. Be prepared to do it night after night until it stops though. If she doesn't like being taken away from you then my guess is she'll adapt her behaviour after a few nights of you walking out of the room as she'll want you and will associate her bad behaviour with you walking away from her and her good behaviour with you being close to her.

Good luck.

My 19 month old can be quite heavy handed as you describe.

You've got to try and remember that she's not being "vicious" or malicious. It's just behaviour from a small child...there's no alterior motive behind it, nor victimisation.

DD often kicks off when she realises it's bedtime/naptime. But I remain calm, say "No hitting/biting/pinching" and keep repeating that it's time for sleep. If she carries on mucking about, then I'll give her the option of getting in to bed, or staying with mummy for cuddles. She does get the idea.

I agree with Mantana, show her that if she does it, then mummy and daddy will go away and she'll be left in the cot on her own. Reward her with praise and cuddles if she settles without scratching and hurting. She's only 17 months so there's no way she would be doing this on purpose to 'hurt' you. She has no concept of malice, and clearly loves you and being with you. She doesn't understand that what she's doing is properly upsetting you - when she does it, say "no, that hurts mummy" and if she continues then put her in the cot and walk out. Don't hand her to your DH, simply walk away.

I'm sure your antid's are making it all seem worse than it is - your dd loves you, just remember that... and if it means Daddy takes her of her bedtime for a while so you can have a bath and relax, then hand her over.

She'll get there, try not to worry.