3yo has to be last one standing .. Cannot leave

[BlueBumedFly]

My 3.8 y/o cannot leave anywhere without total meltdown, and I mean anywhere. Nursery, shops, grandparents and as for parties she absolutely has to be the last-man-standing. It gets embarrassing as parents start to sweep up around her!

I give the warnings before we go in, set the plan and what is going to happen. I do the countdown, 10 minutes, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 etc. Overpraise compliance and try to stay calm.

However, I am unravelling. Yesterday we had to leave the shops and say goodbye to a friend we had had lunch with. The other little girl was good and hugged dd who ignored her and summed. Then obviously once they were out of view she decided she wanted a kiss. Armagedden ensued to the point of me totally loosing it. I tried ignoring, walking away (safe distance) putting her in te buggy (we had a 1.5 mile walk mainly uphill home ahead of us) all whilst she tantrumed to the point of hysteria. This is the worst its ever been but I won no parenting awards that's for sure.

Today when the film ended at the cinema she bawled then had a total meltdown leaving the foyer as there was a lightshow of which I had played with her in for a good 5 mins.

Sooooo, in order to stop me ebaying her does anyone have any good tips for me??

Ds1 was like this when he was about the same age. I found it helped to have something else to look forward to, such as a favourite lunch when you get home, or an activity, like baking, or painting or whatever she really enjoys doing.

Then just bright and breezy, chivvy her along with the reminder of the fun thing you're going to do next.

Fortunately ds1 has grown out of this now!

I find it so hard to be nice once she has melted and starts to retch :( bad bad mother :(

Not bad, bad mum. Difficult, difficult stage. Keep doing what you're doing and he other advice sounds really good.

Good luck.

I think you've got it right apart from one thing. Don't stay until she is the last one. It's not helping. Give her the warning that it is time to go, countdown, then go. By waiting and waiting and waiting and being the last, you are helping to cement the idea in her head that she shouldn't have to go.

I think that you are just going to have to take a deep breath and carry her out and do your best to appear to her as though you haven't noticed the tantrum. Just chat away, as though she is calm. Do what needs to be done without reference to her tantrum.

It's what I did - do - with mine (autistic).

Reading this with interest as I have exactly the same problem with 3 year old DS. Done the countdowns, the bribes etc but still massive tantrums every time we try to leave a friends house. Usually I resort to picking him up lenghtways facing outwards (so he can't kick me, scratch me or get away from me) and take him out.