Out of interest, would you have insisted that the chair was left downstairs?

[YunoYurbubson]

I got into a bit of a stand off with 2.10yo ds who was absolutely determined that he wanted me to carry my camp chair upstairs to the house instead of leaving it in the store where it lives.

In the past I have humoured him by letting him bring his bike and scooter up and down, but it's a pain tbh. He's just got a thing about it.

Generally I am in favour of always saying yes unless there's a good reason to say no, but today I decided that not wanting to lug a camp chair pointlessly up and down stairs was a good enough reason.

So. BIG stand off and a SPECTACULAR tantrum from ds. It brought the neighbours out of their houses to see what was going on. I was calm and kind, but firm and a bit detatched. "I understand that you want the camp chair upstairs but Mummy says no. The camp chair goes in the store"

It went on.

Eventually my 4yo daughter said that she would carry the chair upstairs, and she did.

I couldn't decide if my point was that I wanted the chair downstairs, or that I wasn't carrying it upstairs.

Was her carrying it between them and nothing to do with me?

Somehow it would have felt petty to have insisted that she put it back.

Hmm... Actually I probably should have insisted shouldn't I?

Well, you'd said no - so letting your daughter do it meant that your son was rewarded for a tantrum, albeit by your dd and not by you. I think you should have insisted she put it back purely because he needs to learn that screaming and crying doesn't get him what he wants, I guess.

Then again - the world won't end because he got his own way once, so no need to beat yourself up about it. :)

If you don't want camp chair in the house then do not let it in.

Bikes etc are not for in the house either, we have rules about what stays outside.

He's a toddler, not much point negotiating, say " it's not coming in the house" then pick him up and bring him in.

You are the adult.

Was there a good reason for it not coming into the house? For example, was it muddy, or likely to scratch the floor or something? If so, then say no and stick to it.

If not, then you probably shouldn;t have said no in the first place! Sorry, not helping am I??

Yes, the good reason for it not comming into the house was that I did not want to carry it all the way up a steep flight of stairs, only to have to carry it down again tomorrow when the kids go out to play and I want something to sit on.

I do agree that saying yes unless there is a good reason for no is a good way to be, but in this case my personal feelings about it were my good reason. This does not happen very often.

And yes, you're all right. I should have asked her to put it back. I think she meant to be helpful and kind and I didn't want to squish her good intentions.