2 yo doesnt like his physical space being invaded by other children....normal?

[bootus]

My 2.5 yo, I would say is fairly shy in settings with children he doesnt know and can be quite clingy to me. On a 1:1 basis with children he knows very well he is much better and seems to be generally ok with older kids (his cousins for example). This is all fine, I was quite shy and I dont mind him being sensitive but I fear its getting worse. He has never liked other kids,esp younger/smaller than him touching/climbing on/pushing him and will physically shy away but this week I have watched him twice physically react; ie; elbow one of my friends babies on the sofa who was trying to climb on him and also push another friend who was trying to 'tickle' him. He gets very, very upset when I tell him he must'nt hurt someone else and I'm explaining that 'so and so is younger than him and was only coming to say hello', or 'so and so was only playing and being friendly.' Yesterday we went to the doctors, he bounded over to a toy in the waiting area he likes, saw another lad of about his age there, stopped dead and said "i dont like" and then insisted on climbing on me for cuddles; in this sort of instance I will give him brief cuddle and then tell him to go and play nicely with the toy as well as its kind to share, then the little boy offered my son a grape who proceeded to get all shy and upset again. I just want to try and give him some strategies for feeling confident with other kids, partly cos he is going to have a brother or sister in 3 weeks and I dont want him terrified of babies!!! And also because he is starting a new playgrp in April and I want him to feel happy and confident without resorting to being physical to other children if that makes sense.

Hi bootus. I do think part of this is an age thing with your ds. Have you tried modelling for him what to do in these situations. So, if he is approached by another child, you telling him what to say and do, go over to the child with your son so that he doesn't feel threatened by the other child. It is all about learning how to interact with other children, it doesn't come naturally to all children so by him watching you do it, he will start to mimick what you do.
Going to playgroup will really, really help him because he will be seeing all the time how children interact with each other. When you see him interact in any sort of a positive way with another child, go over the top with "well done"s. You will honestly see a big change in him when he goes to playgroup and maybe when "his" baby comes along and he has to be very gentle with him/her he will transfer this to other children. Good luck with it all

Thanks wigglemama, you are absolutely right, I probably do need to 'model' more, I wasnt even aware that I wasnt!!! With friends children I certainly get more involved but I guess due to my own farily shy - for want of a better word - personality with people I dont know I dont find it very easy jumping into play with kids I'm not familiar with. Thing is he is inherently a very gentle kid (with many faults- I know he is no angel!!!) but i dont want 'violence' to become his way of dealing with situations he isnt happy about. Thanks again.