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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

baby doesnt look at me

11 replies

ZainesMum · 18/02/2011 15:36

hi
my son is nearly 4 months old and i just cant get my head round why he doesnt seem interested in faces, even my health visitor said it was weird . He hardly ever looks at me and it just makes me want to burst out crying.
I mentioned it to the doctor and they said it was to do with his heart defect but then when i said the same to the pediatrician, he said it wasnt.
Should i go back to the doctor or will he just grow out of it?

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nilbymaaf · 18/02/2011 15:49

Hi,
I think you should definitely pursue this. I think it may be a sign of a developmental delay, in my case it turned out to be autism. It may not be the case for you. It could be a problem with his eyesight. Can he track an object that he likes to look at?
I do hope you get to the bottom of it. He may grow out of it, but only a paediatrician could help you with that.
Sending hugs xx

Original poster

ZainesMum · 18/02/2011 15:55

I went to the doctor about it because i thought it may be autism but she said it cant be because he was smiling at her?
He can track objects he likes and does look at people, its when i or anyone looks directly at him he looks away, almost like he is playing a game or something but it is every time :( x

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nilbymaaf · 18/02/2011 16:21

He is a little young at the moment to say it is autism.
If he can track an object, then that is good news. My 5 year old had trouble tracking objects as a baby.
I know you are worried, and it isn't great to be told to wait and see, but at such a young age I think it may be all you can do.
Does he want to engage with you, is there a social to and fro between you?
Does he look at you when you feed him with bottle/breast? Does he respond to your voice? Is he comforted by the sound of your voice?
There are alot of things you say that are positives to me.
That he smiled at the doctor, and that he looks at you sometimes.
The other thing is that babies at around 4 months do start to want to look around at everything around them, and he may be just more interested in things right now.
Try not to worry too much, and really concentrate on enjoying your baby. He will be developing and changing rapidly at this age, please try to relax.
xx

Original poster

ZainesMum · 18/02/2011 20:18

To all of your questions the answer is yes. I think its just me worrying because he has had so many health problems so young and he is my only child. I dont think the health professsionals helped much in my worrying either, glad i found this site. thanks for your advice :) x

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matana · 19/02/2011 12:47

I have heard that you have to try harder to engage baby boys in eye contact - can't remember where i heard it or why it is. Just one of the differences between boys and girls. So it could be perfectly normal, expecially if he's smiling and is looking at people. Try not to worry - by all means seek other opinions and get him checked out, but just keep persevering with making eye contact in the meantime. My DS (12 weeks) has to be in the right mood for eye contact. He's an alert little man so invariably is noseying around a lot to learn about the world. You've probably just got a bright little button there!

sunndydays · 19/02/2011 13:08

DD never looked at us, she was far too nosey and interested in looking at everything else! HV even made us go and get her eyesight checked and the doctor said her eyes were absolutely fine...I am sure your ds is just too busy looking at other things

bobbityboo · 19/02/2011 13:14

I opened this because I used to say that DD2 never looked at me as a baby.
I saw on a TV show that it is something that rings bells for post natal depression, which was exactly what I had. Is that possible, especially if your baby's early days were traumatic for you?

bobbityboo · 19/02/2011 13:15

I meant to say that the baby is looking at the mother normally but it feels as if they are not - just to be clear.

lu9months · 19/02/2011 14:32

My dd went through a stage at this age of not looking at me, and also smiling at the bed/ the wall etc rather than me! I was very worried, but the stage passed and she is now a cheeky and friendly 14 month old, so I would definitely give it time and try to relax (I know this is really hard) because I do think they pick up tension (I was struggling at this stage) and that doesnt help. good luck

matana · 19/02/2011 16:02

Yeah i meant to also say that when DS first started smiling he'd smile at objects and lights more often than he'd smile at me or DH! My mum also got a complex about him frowning and never smiling at her. Then all of a sudden it was like a light switch, he was all smiles and interested in people rather than the wallpaper!

Original poster

ZainesMum · 20/02/2011 17:02

thanks to all, im thinking to have his eye sight checked with the doctor just to make sure and if all is well then i will just have to be patient :) its just so depressing when all you want to do is look at your baby and they are more interested in other things, its me being a bit selfish i think :o

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