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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

7 year old, empties bedroom down the stairs :-(

12 replies

medders1977 · 18/02/2011 15:03

i am the single mum of a 7 year old boy. his behaviour has never been exemplory but lately is really bad. as soon as he doesnt get his own way he starts with the verbal abuse, throwing things down the stairs, barricades himself in his bedroom/bathroom/living room. i have tried parenting phone lines, classes, reward charts, amongst other things. this weekend i am moving all his favourite toys to his aunties house and he is to earn them back as his behaviour improves. would appreciate hearing peoples thoughts on this strategy, if anyone has tried this or any other ideas on how to handle his behaviour.

thanks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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mommmmyof2 · 18/02/2011 15:32

My dd is 6 and she has a really bad attitude.She doesn't throw things down the stairs but she goes into strops and back chats and is just generally cheeky!

It is very hard to controll, I try to distance her away from me when she is like this and that is normally the only way she listens.Taking things off her doesn't work but if your son is throwing things down the stairs then yes I would take things away from him so he couldn't anymore.All children are different and you have to find a way that suits you and that makes him stop.

Is he like it at school too?, maybe you could talk to them and see what his behaviour is like there.

Original poster

medders1977 · 18/02/2011 16:43

thanks, he is good at school, no complaints from the teachers. im sure some of the things he says to me comes from the playground and ive tried to explain he should not talk to me like it. ill give it a go this weekend and hope for the best.

OP posts:

OhYouBadBadKitten · 18/02/2011 16:47

I'm not sure about general behavious management but with throwing things down the stairs I would be very calm and say 'oh dear, you obviously dont want these things any more'. Then I would bag them up.

mommmmyof2 · 18/02/2011 17:35

Ok well good luck, try be calm but yes it is hard!

Feelingsensitive · 18/02/2011 22:04

I am no expert but heres what I would do. Next time he does it I would empty his room of all but essential furniture. Difficult to do in terms of storage but that is what I would do. Take away all treats and tell him he has to earn everything back.

Interesting that he behaves well at school. Must be something that makes him think he can get away with it at home. I have a very willful daughter who is an angel at school. I do lots of bargaining, if you don't do X you will be sent to your room or you won't get Y. I then do exactly what I threatened. I have learnt to pick the threats that will effect her the most but also the more convenient for me. . It also helps me to stay calm as I can end up shouting at her all too easily which excerabates the situation and winds her up more. My DD is only 5 so no abuse as such although she does name call which makes me . I have learnt to address things as they arise so if she calls me a poo bum or whatever it may be I tell her not to say it and apologise. If she doesn't I tell her she has until the count of 5 or she goes to her room.I havent dealt with anything as serious as throwing things down the stairs but if this happened I would be on it like a shot by emptying the room. I would probably do it the next day to reinforce how serious I took their behaviour from the day before. I feel for you. Its tough. Even more so when you are on your own. Good luck.

AllDirections · 18/02/2011 22:24

My DD1 was just like this and it didn't get any better till she was 12. Now she's a lovely responsible 14 year old. As soon as she went to secondary school and got some independence she changed completely. It's like she was born a teenager but felt trapped in a baby's/child's body.

If any of the suggestions work for you that's great but nothing, and I mean NOTHING worked for my DD1. Sometimes you just have to live through it as best you can and hope that one day all your hard work will pay off.

Believe me when I say that DD1 is lucky to have survived those first 12 years!

Bigglesmum · 19/02/2011 01:01

My little sis was just like that AllDirections :) I have an 11 yr old DD who is a stroppy little madam just now so I live in hope! We run a home points versus naughty points system. Good deeds earn home points and naughty behaviour earns naughty points. Each is worth 10p and we tally them on the front of the fridge. Every Saturday the naughty points are subtracted from the home points and whatever is left is their pocket money. If there are more naughty points than home points then they pay us the money. Harsh I know but the rewards are in their control. Some things attract instant non-negotiable naughty points e.g. agression is 20 naughty points. We have to be consistent and remember to apply the points if they're given away from home. Our DS & DD are by no means perfect but it means you can keep applying a punishment until they stop the behaviour without having to think "I've banned telly, phones, computers, xbox etc so what next". Done it for about 3 years and it didn't turn them into perfect angels but was the most successful thing we tried.

Bigglesmum · 19/02/2011 01:22

Also should have added that if they are being persistently naughty/ignoring me when I've asked them to do something (usually get ready for bed) I just announce that I'm about to start counting in naughty points and they quickly comply. In your situation I'd be warning that I'm going to give a naughty point for every item coming out of his room then I'll throw them in the bin. And I'd carry the threat through. Every time til he learns. But to be fair I'd also try and give him different strategies to deal with his anger like talk/punch a pillow/anticipate his feelings.

thelittlebluepills · 19/02/2011 14:12

PLease please help

My DS is 6 years old and sounds very like the OPs son - he has just refused to cooperate and locked me and DS2 out of the house - he refused to allow us back in so fortunately I had left a window and climbed through it. I am so mad at him (and myself for being totally unable to deal with it)/ I sent him to his room but he just says no and walks out again - in the end I have to drag him back in (in front of hysterical DS2) and hold the door shut whilst he kicks it from the other side and screams at me

I have totally screwed up as a parent. what on earth can I do? nothing works when he is in one of these moods - I am becoming frightened now because he is a strong 6, shows no sign of stopping these outbursts

AllDirections · 19/02/2011 14:21

thelittlebluepills, you haven't sc. Some childred up! Some children just have personalities like this. I used to hold the bedroom door closed with DD1 at that age. I honestly thought I wouldn't get through those years but I did and now she's a lovely teenager. Even she can't believe that way that she used to behave! DD2 is not like that at all and I've barely needed to raise my voice to her. DD3 is showing the same kind of personality as DD1 but I tell myself that I got through it once so I can get through it again.

I do think it's important not to give in to children when they behave like this but sometimes you have to accept that rewards/ punishments, etc. will have little effect on any future behaviour, possibly for a long time. Eventually you will realise that your good parenting has worked, but maybe not until they are adults.

AllDirections · 19/02/2011 14:23

It's meant to say you haven't screwed up! (I definitely did with that post lol)

thelittlebluepills · 19/02/2011 14:33

thankyou all directions

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