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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

9 month old won't sleep at night

15 replies

pamelat · 17/02/2011 14:31

Posted in sleep many times but people just seem to think this is normal, I don't and feel it can't go on much longer

DS 9 months. Big healthy baby (26lbs). Eats and naps to Gina times, except that he still has a dream feed of milk about 930pm. I call it a dream feed, he wakes screaming for it he drinks all of it.

He does not have any milk at night after that but wakes anything from hourly to maybe just 2 or 3 times, wanting hs dummy (best case) or to lie in bed with us (worst case)

We are rowing a lot (me and DH) and have 3 yr old DD to consider too. She is now waking when he cries.

He has slept through 3 times ever, they wree consecutive nights a couple of weeks back. Strangely they started after we had decided to research controlled crying but then didnt need to . We thought we had cracked it but now back to waking, some times straight back to sleep, other times waking for an hour or so and needing us to lie with him for that time.

We keep lights off etc etc, its just very very tiring.

I read that some babies body clocks dont do 12 hours sleeping until 40 weeks old, anyone else heard or believe in this?

I really need him to sleep soon.

OP posts:

CinnabarRed · 17/02/2011 14:39

I do think it's normal (or at least reasonably common). But that doesn't mean that there aren't things you could do to improve the situation.

It sounds to me like your DS hasn't yet learnt the art of self-settling to sleep. The good news is you can teach him, gently and with love.

Get a copy of Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution if you don't already have one. She has many different techniques so pick one that looks appropriate to your family's circumstances and then apply it consistently.

If you have the money, consider hiring a sleep consultant for moral support.

Sounds like he spits his dummy and then can't find it again. Two possible solutions to this one: (A) buy 20 or so dummies and scatter them around his cot - he'll be able to locate one or other for himself quite easily; (B) the SleepyTot Comforter is a soft toy that allows you to slot dummies into its hands and feet - it's easier for babies to locate the dummy for themselves because they learn that there are dummies on their soft toy.

www.sleepytot.com/shop_products/sleepytot_baby_comforters.phtml

Is there any chance that one of you could take your DD to the grandparents for the weekend while the other starts gently "training" your DS? It means she won't be disturbed if he does cry more than usual (although if you're lucky one of the above ideas will mean no tears).

HTH

Octaviapink · 17/02/2011 19:55

Yes, it's normal. Sorry if you're sick of hearing that, but it's true!

CPtart · 17/02/2011 21:01

Give him a weetabix an hour before bedtime, not likely to be waking then through ? hunger. Offer water not milk when he wakes.

Original poster

pamelat · 18/02/2011 09:29

Thanks, will look at soft toy with dummy idea

cptart not given milk at wakings for 6 weeks or so. He is on 97% percentile so HV says not to. He already has an extra milk a day to "recommended".

Last night was particulary bad, woke at 130am for 2 hours. Just shouted and cried. DH spent an hour with him. Dummy, shush shushh etc, calpol, water ........ DD woke 3 times in that hour, poor girl. I then go in an hour and a half after first waking and take him out of the cot and lie with him, falls immediately to sleep for the rest of the night. I just cant do it every night and really want him to sleep by himself I know I shouldnt have gone in but he was really loud and DD was bound to wake again.

OP posts:

Original poster

pamelat · 18/02/2011 09:30

He doesnt really like solids, his tea is only an hour before bed at 630pm, he isnt hungry just awake!

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mrsravelstein · 18/02/2011 09:31

'some babies don't do 12 hours until 40 weeks old'???

MOST babies don't, and definitely not at 9 months.

Original poster

pamelat · 18/02/2011 09:32

He is 40 weeks old now

OP posts:

mrsravelstein · 18/02/2011 09:39

i do sympathise, but honestly, it is totally normal and just something that has to be got through. dd is 13 months and just last week has finally started sleeping through, for about 10 hours in a stretch. ds1 and ds2 improved at around this age as well. it is really hard, but they do it when they're ready.

Original poster

pamelat · 18/02/2011 12:47

Seriously the thought of 6 more months of this is beyond do-able

Everyone tells me to leave him to cry but I cant, he is also always ill with some cold or bug or another, so I really couldn't

OP posts:

Jjou · 18/02/2011 12:58

Hi Pamelat, my son is the same age and exactly the same. No helpful tips, just a knowing, sympathetic nod It's so hard. DS goes down ok (ish!) in the evenings about 7.30/8 p.m. but when he wakes in the night (usually about 1 a.m.) I bring him into bed with DH and I. Not ideal I know but I feel it's the best compromise at the moment. I've just gone back to work full time and at least this way I get SOME sleep. Plus DH and I get our evenings and the bed to ourselves for a while, but I can't leave DS to cry as he wakes his sister and the neighbours! I keep telling myself he'll grow out of it...

It's a bit of a shock though as DD slept through from 11 weeks!

mrsravelstein · 18/02/2011 13:03

yup, i felt the same, as also had 2 other children to deal with on no sleep at all for months... i did end up, some nights, out of sheer exhaustion, leaving dd to cry for half an hour without going in to her, and i nightweaned her at 7 months which was waaaay earlier than i had done with ds1 and ds2, but it made no difference, she started sleeping through at almost exactly the same age as her big brothers. all i can say is just try to make life as easy as possible for yourself during the day - tesco delivery, cleaner, ironing lady, whatever you can do to make daily life simpler, and have faith that it will eventually come (we've had a couple of weeks now of DD sleeping through and i feel like a different person already)

marthamay · 18/02/2011 13:13

Hi Pamelat.
Sorry no suggestions, I'm in exactly the same situation as you and going a bit mental. My DS is 9.5 months and never sleeps more than an hour and a half at a time and that is on a really good night. DH and I keep getting ill from lack of sleep and are both a bit frayed around the edges. Last night we sat down for an hour and worked out a '10 week plan' - each week having particular goals and aims. The ultimate goal is that after 10 weeks DS will wake no more than 2 or 3 times at night - we both think this is pretty reasonable. If, after 10 weeks, things are still terrible then we are going to look at some sort of CIO sleep training. I couldn't just leave him to it but I think out of desperation I could perhaps sit by him and stroke his arm until he got off to sleep (at the moment we have to rock and pace).
Just writing down a plan and the intention to be consistent has helped me and dh to get some perspective. We both feel like we want the same thing and aren't going to have those silly arguments at 5am!
Best of luck to you, please share if you have any breakthroughs.

CinnabarRed · 18/02/2011 13:56

I'm going to disagree with the consensus on this thread - you don't have to just live with it, there are techniques to teach babies to self-settle that are far more effective, and far gentler, than leaving them to cry. I know because I've done it!

Please, please, please do read AND IMPLEMENT ideas from the No Cry Sleep Solution. There's no one size fits all solution, which is why it includes a dozen or more different techniques. The important thing is to pick one that suits your family and then keep going with it.

The SleepyTot website (the one with the soft toy dummy holder thingie) is also great for sleeping advice. I've posted there and been given really first class help. And it's free to join.

www.sleepytot.com/ask_me_a_question.phtml

homeagainhomeagain · 18/02/2011 14:47

Hi, I posted on sleep as well last month as my 8 mo (now 9 mo) was a nightmare at night. I'm going back to work and had to sort it out. Not everyone agrees or wants to do this but we went with controlled crying. She couldn't settle herself when she woke. We had two bad nights and now she sleeps through 7 until 7 no bother. If she does wake at 3 or 4 am, she just chats away to herself then falls back over. I've also found she is napping better during the day as well.

We do give a wee bit of porridge with DDs last bottle at 6.30 pm. Could you move tea a wee bit earlier and then give supper? Maybe solids aren't too popular because your wee one is over-tired?

There is no consensus on sleep and babies, they are all different but your wee one should be able to go through the night if having a bottle at 9.30. I do agree, lots of dummies in the cot. Good luck, it's awful to have a broken sleep for so long.

Original poster

pamelat · 18/02/2011 20:24

Thank you cinnabar I have read and followed that back, routines, same times etc, putting to bed awake. Done most of it except for removing dummy reliance.

home how long did the crying last? not sure I would cope, he is very loud and DD wakes etc.

I fell to sleep this afternoon during his nap with my 3 year old DD awake!!!

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