getting my 7 yr old son to tell me his problems

[garthur]

Hi, I was just wondering if anybody could give me advice on how to get my son to tell me what is troubling him. He is normally happy and confident, but in the last few days he has been crying after school and saying he wants to kill himself. He refuses to tell me anything at all and gets cross when I ask...

I'm rubbish at giving advice - I can only tell you what worked for me.

I got a book from the Health Visitor called The Huge Bag of Worries. It was all about a little girl who was weighed down with a big big full of all her worries and she had to carry this bag everywhere she went.

My son loved it, and it really helped us. I got him to write down his worries and put them in a little tub. I never saw the first few as they were put in the tub straight away, but gradually it became something we would do at bedtime. He would dictate it and I would write it down.

A lot of my son's worries were tiny little things (although not to him), but this process helped him to talk about the bigger things that were worrying him too.

I'd suggest phoning the school though.

Oh garthur. How sad for you and your son. My son went through a miserable phase a while back and it took quite a lot of persistence for me to tease it out of him. Do you have any inkling of what might be wrong? Have you asked his teacher if she has any ideas.

In my son's case a major amount of upset was actually caused by something quite minor (football coach had told him off). But it wasn't minor to him becuase he couldn't see how to make the situation better and, being 7, didn't realise that it would just blow over. Once I knew what it was I was able to talk to him about it in a round about way to try to get him to open up about what was really the matter and then gave him a few examples from my own life to explain to him that it could be sorted out.

I hope yours turns out to be a similar "storm in a teacup"

*bag

Thank you so much for your suggestions, I really appreciate it, I will give them a go and let you know how it turns out! Thanks

I find my 8 year old ds finds it easier to talk if we are walking side by side than if I am sitting looking at him. perhaps engineer a nice walk in a park and dont specifically ask him direct questions but chat generally about school etc and see what comes up. it may not work, but you might be lucky. hope things settle down

At the school I teach in we use worry books with the children... they write in them each day, usually it's 'no worries' but when something does upset them (usually related to playground issues) they know that they will have an opportunity to 'tell' an adult without actually having to say the words out loud. Some of the children prefer to draw their worries in cartoon style, with speech bubbles, and that works too...!

he may be copying what other kids are saying and doing,i wouldnt make a fuss as he will play on it i'd make up a game and try and bring the problem and the questions into the game xx good luck xx