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Original poster

10 month old driving me to distraction! Help!

14 replies

fantus · 15/02/2011 08:28

My 10 month old DD is, as the title says, driving me to distraction. I am pretty sure it is probably seperation anxiety but I am really hoping someone can offer some advice or coping stategies as I am reaching the end of my tether.

She has become so clingy lately and I feel unable to do anything. If we are at home she follows me constantly. Even if we are in the same room she is crying to be picked up. I spent most of yesterday sat on the floor trying to engage her with toys and games - she stood in front of me crying the whole time wanting to be held. If I go into the kitchen to do anything she is hanging off my leg like a ball and chain! Yesterday I didn't eat until 3pm as I was so busy trying to placate her and see to my 4 year old DS who is getting a bit neglected!

I am getting short tempered and snapping at both of them which is really not fair and I hate myself for doing it.

Any advice pleeease!

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Al1son · 15/02/2011 09:32

She's just realised that you can go away from her and she won't know when you are coming back. She doesn't know that when you walk out of the room you won't be gone forever and she's scared.

Trying to push her away is probably counter-productive. She needs to know that you want to be with her. Try a bit of reverse psychology and hold onto her all the time. If you can hold her while you do things one-handed the do that for a while. Take her with you when you leave the room and sit her one your lap to do activities.

That should make her feel more secure and therefore more able to move away from you to explore the world.

Vintage65 · 15/02/2011 09:37

Agree with Al1son - I have the same problem and have found a sling to be a great investment as it makes it easier to do things one handed. Also, I'm trying to invest as much time with my 3 year old as I can when baby is asleep.

marthamay · 15/02/2011 10:10

My baby went through this a couple of weeks ago (he is now 10mnth) and it was combined with teething. After a few weeks he has calmed down, so just go with it and be as reassuring as possible, play lots of peekaboo, wear her in a sling....
It's hard work though!

Original poster
fantus · 15/02/2011 11:28

Thanks all,
Al1son I am trying to hold her as much as possible and when I do leave a room I do tend to take her with me, it just seems that isn't enough for her - she wants to be picked up and held too. I am certainly not trying to push her away Smile

What kind of sling would be suitable for a 10 month old? Sorry, never used one in the past as she is not one for staying in one place longer than 5 minutes so I am not sure how that would work but I am certainly open to suggestions!

Thanks marthamay for giving me some hope. She is teething too, only cut her first 2 last month and seems to have been teething on and off since then. Her sleep is up the swanny (never was much good anyway but seems to be ten times worse now) and the combination of exhaustion and just not knowing what to do is beginning to wear me down.

I really appreciate your posts

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Al1son · 15/02/2011 11:51

"I spent most of yesterday sat on the floor trying to engage her with toys and games - she stood in front of me crying the whole time wanting to be held."

Sorry my choice of words was a bit strong. I meant that trying to get her to sit off your lap like this could be counter productive.

I sympathise fully about the sleep deprivation. Everything feels ten times worse without sleep.

Original poster
fantus · 15/02/2011 12:12

Thanks for clarifying Al1son, I can see how that sounds like I was refusing to pick her up or hold her. I was in fact offering her lots of hugs and reassurance at the same time and we did spend a large part of the day with her sat on my knee! This in itself is very rare as I said before she has never been one for sitting in one place for more than 5 minutes.

I know that I could cope so much better if I didn't feel so tired. And the frustration is mainly with myself rather than with her hence my need for some better coping strategies!

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Al1son · 15/02/2011 12:29

Try not to be so hard on yourself!

You sound like you're doing your best in difficult circumstances. It will get better as she cottons on to the fact that you always come back.

I think the best Tee-shirt on a toddler I ever saw had the words

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT BUT I WANT IT NOW!

To me that describes many little ones I know.

Bear with it and enjoy the cuddles while you're getting them. If you can find a willing babysitter give yourself a well-earned break of a few hours to recharge your batteries.

kathrynEBH · 15/02/2011 19:35

www.storchenwiege.co.uk/ - I carry my 8 month old around in a sling from here - you can carry 3 year olds comfortably in them!!

kathrynEBH · 15/02/2011 19:37

Forgot to say - I use a babysling - much easier for breastfeeding in.

ballstoit · 15/02/2011 20:14

I would suggest trying one of these HippyChick. I found it much easier for the up, down, up, down stage that I'm still waiting for DD2 to grow out of.

DD2 is much worse when she is tired (generally just as I'm trying to prepare tea!) so hopefully your DD will imprve when she's sleeping better. I second the suggestion of trying to persuade someone else to have her for a couple of hours. Even if you just sit and stare at the TV you'll feel better. Hope it gets better soon!

Original poster
fantus · 15/02/2011 21:03

Thanks for the links - I will certainly have a closer look when I get chance.

I have decided to take the path of least resistance! If she needs to be with me then that is where she will be. I have felt much more relaxed with her this evening even though I have been barely able to move as I am trying to accept that this is what she needs right now. Although I now think she might be coming down with something as she is getting really upset at times even when DH or I have her.

Aah well, this too shall pass Smile

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spikegifted · 16/02/2011 00:12

Our boys are 10.5 months old and we are lucky in this respect: they are now keeping each other company. They do like to be picked up, but they don't mind if we are not present in the same room.

ponjii · 17/02/2011 20:45

Hi
I'm going through exactly the same thing with my 9 month old although he can't crawl yet so I don't have the problem of him following me round the house! If I'm not in the room with him I find he is pretty happy playing (he has two sisters aged 2 and 4 who he enjoys watching play), but as soon as I go into the room he wants me to pick him up and if I leave the room and he's not engaged in something then he really cries. I find the easiest thing is to get out of the house! We go for lots of walks in the pushchair (he's very happy in there) and to a few music group type things which help fill the day. If I stay at home all morning with him and his sisters I'd go a bit mad!
I remember this with my girls and think it only lasted a couple of months. And you will miss the cuddles so make the most of it! (although I know how exhausting it is - I'm constantly in demand by all 3 of mine!)

Original poster
fantus · 19/02/2011 13:35

Hi ponjii,

only just seen your message so sorry for not answering sooner. I agree she is much happier out and about and it is when we are at home that the situation is at its worst. I have started going out most days too so that when we get home she is ready for a big nap. She is also much happier once DH and DS are home - more to distract her. It seems to be when we are home alone that she wants me the most!

I am concentrating on giving her lots of reassurane and yes enjoying the cuddles and trying not to stress about getting nothing done when we are home!

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